Disaster Relief

 

There were quite a number of incidents over the years when the Doctor in charge of writing orders was hesitant to do so. The cause could be stress, lack of confidence, lack of knowledge in a certain area, or a combination of all three. When a patient is in dire circumstances and near the threshold of a cardiac or respiratory arrest, if the "boss" is frozen and unable to make a decision, he or she should listen to the experts in the room; 

The Wizards of the Badlands.

Can you tell what's real
Do you know what's not,
Can you determine from 50 yards
If it's sputum or snot?
Does a jacked up CO2
Of one-twenty-five,
Give you any indication
About the odds if he's alive?

Well, maybe for a while
But I wouldn't place any bets,
I think it's time to call your markers
And pay off any debts,
Because arguments at this time
Are pointless and invalidated,
Just get the flippin' ventilator
Before you're excommunicated.

Now don't take this personal
We're all hired hands,
But some of us call the shots
While other's holler from the stands,
With an opinion here and there
About what ought-to-be,
And at this very moment
You should be listening to me,
Because this dude is going south
He needs an endotracheal tube,
Please don't stand there arguing
Like some existential rube,
Quoting laboratory data
And his history of CO2,
We're the Wizards of the Badlands
And we know much more than you.

We don't want to code this sucker
We don't want a Rapid Response,
We don't want to toast his remains
With a sterling-silver sconce,
No, all we want to do
Is the best right thing, right now,
And that my friend is to intubate
Before I have a cow!