Friday, January 31, 2020

You Want Me to Do What?


At Med-school training hospitals, new cycle Interns-Residents are quite often nervous or anxious about doing new things. Sometimes that new Doctor will be bossy, arrogant and argumentative with the new-found sense of power they can wield over others to do a task they themselves, are unfamiliar with. This kind of surly behavior is not welcome to the great society of ICU nurses who know it is their sworn duty, to iron out the creases so readily apparent on the surface of the newly manufactured doctor.

You Want Me to Do What?
No, Doc; you can do that,
A typical Nurse response
To Resident Brat,
Who boldly suggests
Some outlandish proposal;
Dude, if this doesn’t work
You’ll be destined for disposal.

That day Joe Bob had a fever
The 900 pound man,
Laying on two attached beds
Plus a ventilator and a fan,
I needed that Resident
The night guy on call,
He said, you know where to stick it
The suppository Tylenol.

I’m not doing that
Not this nurse, not me,
That’s clearly an experience
For the new Doc on the tree,
To explore the heart of darkness
The depths of the unknown,
Just wear a mask, and 3-foot gloves
I’ll stand by and chaperone.



Wednesday, January 08, 2020

Rabbits


I am sure every Nurse has discovered something very unusual about a patient, that had been not been communicated during report, or wasn't in the patient history document. The overlooked amputation, the hand with seven fingers, a third breast, or a ginormous schlong; true eyebrow raising discoveries or phenomena.

Rabbits

There was a really big thing
One time, that I saw,
When I lifted the covers
And there ought to be a law,
Where patient's inform us
About their physical anomalies,
Pastor Bob, said
It helps with my homilies.

Every Sunday morning
Delivering the sermon,
He gestures like a hip-hop star
Grabbing his herman,
To emphasize points
In the body of the teaching,
Well, I wish I had known that
Before I went reaching.

At the pre-op appointment
Complete an intake form,
Discover the anomalies
Compared to the norm,
Ask about his medicines
Diseases and habits,
Become well informed
And watch out for the rabbits.