New CPR

CPR, a lot of tries, very little advanced.

Evidenced Based New CPR

Over the years

There have been a lot of changes,

Regarding CPR

With many rearranges,

First, it was the drugs

That were tried and rejected,

When we discovered

Few were cardio-protective.

As a result we said

Back to the drawing board,

Accept one new drug

And leave the rest in accord,

So that meant Amiodarone

Epinephrine and Atropine,

Adenosine as a special

For a certain kind of tachyzine.

Next it was compressions

That slamming on the chest,

Who could be fast enough

And who did it best,

Carefully tested results

Regarding heart chamber pressure,

Without a steady MAP

Joe Bob isn't any fresher.

Lastly, respirations

Not so important any more,

It's all about the hemoglobin

Carrying out its chore,

We can all live without oxygen

Longer that we think,

Because our blood is carrying it

What was already in the sink.

Sure, it has some importance

But what we learned, was better,

Hyperventilation

Was far worse, to the letter,

And that was always a risk

When Barry was working the bag,

He would ventilate like a crazy man

Overcompensate, what a drag.

Labs would be drawn

And an A.B.G.

The p.H. would be 7.7

The Doc would say, "Oh, goodness me",

Knowing that now

We needed to halt all breaths,

Which doesn't look good in the records

When investigating the deaths.

Finally, a solution was discovered

In regards, to delivering breaths,

We could fake out any observers

The ones who are tracking the deaths,

By reverting to the mouth-to-mouth

By appearance, no breath shall it miss,

In reality, Jerry from Respiratory

Has the duty of Emergency Kiss.

Smacking away at those lips

Pretending to blow like a hoover,

Counting out the expected ratio

With the compressor; he's the prime mover,

Carrying on like he's important

An integral player in this event,

Just hoping this silly charade

Will earn him some points of intent.

I have watched the total endeavor

I had ACLS in 1984,

That's a whole bunch of time

I renew soon, it’s a regular chore,

There were a bunch of diversions

And many of them, that did miss,

But who would have ever guessed
It would be Epinephrine and just a kiss.