Memories of pain.
Most nurses become walking libraries of pharmaceuticals, and many of us pride ourselves on knowing all the pain killers, sedatives, anxiolytics, hallucinogenics, anesthetic agents, etc, that are our favorite tools in the proper setting. Certainly one of my missions was to eliminate pain, and I have vivid emotional memories of some of those occasions. And it wasn't always physical pain, that fires my remembrances.

Life after Death

Yes, I look back
At the places I have been,
The tragedies and wonders
And the vagaries of sin,
The multitudes of people
Who crossed my path, in pain,
Did I do enough
I ask myself
To help them on this plane.

There were a couple moments
Where I lost my cool, I slipped,
‘Twas a weakness in my character
My morals dived and dipped,
And those things are mighty memories
That will dog me all my days,
No matter what you do my friend
Karma always pays.

But the moments of the mysteries
Are burned within my brain,
I really did the best I could
To relieve them of their pain,
To act, with mindful motion
In the midst of all disaster,
To deliver all the best of care
And even call the Pastor.

My shoulder wasn’t cried upon
That was someone else,
Later, when I reached my home
My heart and soul would melt,
To eradicate the feeling
I’d take a 50 mile ride,
Biking, to heal me deep within;
So many people died.

It’s been about 5 years now
Since I played a part with death,
Yet, not a single day goes by
Where I don’t feel it in my breath,
It’s a haunting, to every nurse
Who’s been on the side of saving,
We walk away, we shake our heads
But deep inside we’re craving;
Life.

Fibril_late; 2005