Following in yesterdays theme, I'll change systems and move up to the lungs. Surely the #2 place of gross secretions. I know, because before I became a Nurse, I was a Respiratory Therapist. That's like having a double major in secretion technology!

Hack and Spit

Sometimes I feel I'd like to shootem'
Those guys that hack and spit their sputum,
They'll launch their slime, like Haley's comet
An event that makes me want to vomit,
And there's something else, I hate a bunch
It's when I see a loogie lunch,
I want to beat them to a pulp
Each time I see the sputum gulp,
It isn't pleasant, I report
To listen to them suck and snort,
Some spit it out, all over the place
The walls, the floor and even their face,
So, frankly when I have to pick
The patients who are really sick,
I'll avoid the ones that spit and cough
'Cause I might be tempted, to bump'em off.

Just a Target

At times I seem preoccupied
With sputum, blood and crap,
But many nights when I'm at work
It's sprayed upon my lap,
And so, I have a cynical
Outlook on this job,
My appearance hardly matters
I'm just a target for some blob,
An ejected, slimy specimen
That will fly in my direction,
And Universal Precautions
Will offer me little protection.

But I predict the time will come
When my risk is eliminated,
We'll keep the sick people in their homes
Till their diseases have abated.

Pseudomonas Salvo

It's just another tale
Of saliva, spit and sputum,
A pseudomonas salvo
Will make you want to shootem',
You can wear some safety glasses
And a gown for flying mucus,
But if the spray should hit your face
You'll have the urge to pukus,
So honestly, I ask you
Do you find it appetizing?
Who would want this awful job
It's really quite surprising,
That folks from every walk of life
Would choose this kind of task,
If I ever have to do it
I'll demand a body mask.

Fibril_late; 3/92