"Maternity, Paternity" was written for a friend of mine, when the first baby was on the way. Then more absolute nonsense with, "Sneezer Pleaser". You will see that in moments of desperation, I will slaughter the english grammar and spelling rules, when trying to find the "what word rhymes with twizzle" kind of situation. Consider that poetic license.

Maternity, Paternity

Maternity, paternity
Seems to take an eternity,
To watch that stomach
Ever growing,
And time, it seems
Is ever slowing,
And speculation
Runs amuck,
About who’s inside
Charlene or Chuck,
As time creeps on
You can’t turn back,
And you realize
That the two room shack,
That you call home
Is just too small,
For mom and dad
And kids and all,
And then there’s cribs
And diaper pails,
An endless list
It never fails,
To blow away
The mind of dad,
Who starts to feel
That he’s been had,
Realizing this
He starts to scream,
And wakes up sweating
It was just a dream,
His wife says, “Honey
Are you all right there”,
And he says, “Yes,
It was just a nightmare”.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** *

The Sneezer Pleaser

Isn’t it beautiful, it’s springtime
You can feel it in your bones,
I just received a postcard
From poor old, Mr. Jones,
He said the winter months were awful
He had bronchial pneumonia,
And he missed a short vacation
To picturesque Fredonia,
A famous aunt and uncle
Resided in that nation,
They were experts in the field
Of micro automation,
They’d had a recent breakthrough
In the treatment of disease,
A concept so remarkable
To cure the common sneeze,
It involves a micro-sensor
Pushed way up in the nose,
It’s waiting for the tickle
That comes before she blows,
When it happens, there’s a stimulus
To counteract the urge,
The end result, there is no sneeze
The stimuli doth merge,
Instead, a pleasant feeling
Shall permeate the brain,
This secondary side effect
Eliminates all pain.

The public will go bonkers
To purchase this device,
The chronic multi-sneezers
Won’t bicker at the price,
Along with curing sneezes
It’s claimed to fix what ails’ya,
With a lifetime guarantee
In case it ever fails’ya,
Specifically designed to treat
The sniffler or the wheezer,
Don’t miss the opportunity
To buy the sneezer-pleaser.

Fibril_late; 7/92