Buccal Fever

I derive no pleasure having my teeth cleaned, except hanging out with a hot little number, known as Dental Dana.

Dental Dana 26

Dental Dana

Sweet as ever,

I’m her fulcrum

And she’s the lever,

Plying her tools

On my teeth and gums,

She’s probably thinking

I’m real dumb.

Because,

I never seem to floss enough,

My Tartar buildup

Is Dodge Ram tough,

With crowded teeth

And inflammation,

She must think

I’m an aberration.

First that Ultrasonic

Scaling screech,

Then she buffed my teeth

With household bleach,

Causing a cataclysmic

Buccal clench,

Oh, Dental Dana

What a wench!

Dental Dana 27

Dental Dana

Is at the top of my list,

Of the sweetest girls

I never kissed.

When she leans over me

With her scented mask,

I can hardly manage

To stay on task,

I’m not supposed

To move at all,

I’m dependent on

Her beck and call.

“Turn your head

Now, clench your jaw”,

While I’m dreaming of carrots

And all things raw,

Yes, that Dana

Gets me overthinking,

It’s no wonder

I go home, start drinking.

Coffee!

To the nth degree,

It slows me down

Like a cold iced-knee,

Brings me back

To my senses, man,

‘Twas just a teeth cleaning

I better stick to the plan.

Keeping my eye

On that hygiene chick,

Watching every single

Flick of her Bic,

Planning my next move

Four months from now,

Today was a bust

See you later, and Ciao.

Fibril_late;

6/5/14

Dental Dana 28

Dental Dana

Gave me a frown,

Busted my molar

And stole my crown,

Then, she called me

A nasty pest,

Because she leaned over

And I bit her breast.

I couldn’t help it

I was in pain,

They didn’t give me

The Novocaine,

No laughing gas

Or acupuncture,

So I was desperate

At that juncture.

She got close to me

And I took a bite,

I didn’t know if

It was day or night,

Writhing

In that dental chair,

But she really screamed

When I pulled her hair.

Dental Dana

She’s a ball of fire,

I begged her, Honey

Don’t ever retire,

Because every time we meet

It’s an exciting event,

In the future, could you possibly

Give consent?

Fibril_late;

6/5/14

Family

I have a family
Yes, way out here,
In the hinterlands
Of Nursing, dear,
We know each other
Thru deeds we done,
A lot of misery
But we had fun.

Shared laughs between
Our brethren, yes,
Under the bridge
We shared duress,
And now we approach
The other side,
To me, it has been
A helluva ride.

When I cross over
I won't compare,
To Billy-Bob
He's over there,
Keeping an eye on me
He knows, what I done,
The best that I could
And it included fun.

Fibril_late;
6/4/14

Knock on Wood

Underside Bob, people call for me all day long........and I am not exaggerating. Heck, even the patient's notice everyone is calling for me to solve some sort of thing. I just hope they're not calling me other nasty stuff. Not because of my feelings.........screw that..........I just want to be helpful.


Hazing, in Nursing
It happens all the time,
Every where I have worked
This industrial crime,
Some have labelled it
Eating our young,
I hope, I haven't done it
Though I'm sure my words have stung.........

Only after the 10th time
I offered the same instruction,
I admit, I have a hard time
Watching potential destruction,
While trying to be unobtrusive
Mentoring, as is my role,
Preceptorship is part of it
Lego-blocks becoming whole.

I hope they never said
The reason, they finally gave up,
Was because Underside Bob
Kept dumping out their cup.

There have been times
When I had to block a motion,
Where safety and outcomes
Would be destroyed with your potion,
But then, I offered options
Other choices, on the menu,
You would be praised as the smart one
Acting in this venue.

From early on I've played
The fearless, go-to guy,
Diving right in
When things have gone awry,
While knowing my boundaries
And gathering the facts,
A couple of extra Aces?
Of course, my deck is stacked!

And my role as an expert
Is to make you look good,
Don't be oversensitive
Praise is coming; knock on wood!

Fibril_late;
6/4/14

Speaking in Greek

Unwinding? I read a variety of news sources. This has nothing to do with "keeping up" with ordinary life or politics. It's all about the foibles of humanity; something about seeing how bad WE can be. Realizing that we are below the level of most animals on this beautiful planet. Where life is all just one combo thing. It brings me back to the Zero of all things. Existence.

An insatiable appetite
For news, but not really,
I use it for distraction
Beyond the touchy feely,
Part of every workday
Where I'm saturated in the now;
Inside of my mind, all of that
When I'm dragging the daily plow.

Sure, I stay up late
Drinking a glass of wine, or two,
Reminds me of a few good friends
Where we share our Nursing view,
Celebrating properly
We're still alive and aware,
Knowing too much, in our own way
Human service-providers, our job to care.

We talk about those things that we know
Comrades in arms, so to speak,
Talk to family about this?
Would be like speaking in Greek.

Fibril_late;
6/3/14

Frivolous Fluff

More about them

Too much about me,

When I read what I’ve written

That’s what I see,

So, let me return

To the old days of yore,

When stories were fun

And not such a chore.

Where is the funny?

That I used to write,

Perhaps it was driven

By, working at night,

When my sleep deprived brain

Unearthed silly stuff,
Nonsense behaviors
And frivolous fluff.

We’ve all become so serious

In our responsible society,

No more room for silly pranks

And Steve, had such variety,

Like the fake video camera

Made from the toilet paper roll,

Do that now, I’d lose my license

And I’d be busting rocks of coal.

50 milliliter syringes

Were the best for water fights,

Silly jokes with the morgue cart

On the busiest of nights,

Frisbee in the hallways

In Radiology, what a hoot,

Do any of that today?

By golly, you’d get the boot.

I used to post my writings

On the wall, for all to see,

No one was offended

Other nurses, just like me,

Because I wrote about the day to day

The things we shared together,

I can not do that anymore

There’s been a horrid change of weather.

Political corrected-ness

Has buried us in crap,

Worse than the “Charcoal Stools”

That landed in my lap,

Way back in crazy yesteryear

When I launched, the Underside,

Zero-Tolerance nonsense

Has become America’s bride.

The EMR computer folks

They audit us, oh yes they do,

Reminders on a monthly basis

For Billy-Bob and Mary Lou,

About the things we left out

These are reprimands, and never praise,

Insinuating, with a shrug and smile

Why we rarely get a raise.

The joke is on us

We stuck around too long,

Yet, new Nurses can’t get hired

To replace the Geriatric throng,

Of grumpy curmudgeons

Who aren’t afraid to speak out,

Registered Nurse experts

We don’t whimper and pout.

Healthcare in general

Is safer, for Public Joe,

But for the Nurse in the field

It’s a tough row to hoe,

Thus proving, it’s too hard

To have fun at work, any more,

Just writing about it

Seems like a chore.

But still, I can’t quit

And neither will Steve,

Somewhere there’s a prank

That we must play, before we leave,

Short-sheeting a bed

Goldfish in the new pond,

That’s what I’m planning

Before I greet the great beyond.

Fibril_late;

6/1/14

Blind Date

Where I work, and the position I hold, looks pretty simple from afar. Out-patient clients for the most part without infections, or wounds or whatever. That oughta be nice. Get them ready for predictable procedures and then, watch them for 6 hours before they move on. But what if they are obese, with a mental disorder, and addicted to drugs of some sort.................Well, to quote Van Halen from "Runnin' With the Devil:, "I found the simple life, ain't so simple".

Blind Date

Two brutal work days
Staying too late,
Of questionable value
Like a cheap blind date,
Where you didn't choose your partner
And the venue was fixed,
What more?, a blinding headache
From what the Bartender mixed.

Whacky, drug-addled clients
On the roster, every day,
Demanding their hourly fix
Like I'm their dealer, but they don't pay,
Except with threats and anger
Towards me, their slave and nurse,
Please, don't tell me that I'm jaded
That I have no right to curse.

I'll give my best damned effort
That's what I'm paid to do,
But if you menace and assault me
It's coming back on you,
You tell me not to touch you
Ok fine, I'll just let you bleed,
Fall on the floor, crack your head
I guess there's nothing that you need.

Because, you threatened violence
Threw your arms up, swung your fist,
You're 340 frickin' pounds
A raging addict, and I'm lucky you missed,
You say you gotta stand up and pee?
Go for it Dude, maybe I'll see you fall,
And if you start bleeding, so what?
You told me not to touch you, that's all.

Two stupid days
Boss-woman, will query why I worked late,
Screw it, you can have my assignment
You've earned this sicko blind-date.

Fibril_late;
5/27/14

Still Busted

At work in our new domicile
Everyone agrees, things have changed,
For the owners and the public
It's beautiful how it's arranged,
But to us, boots on the floor
We're thankful, but there's a price,
Like Frankenstein's wedding
Throwing worms instead of rice.

The place is kind of big
Compared to where we used to be,
Every Recovery Unit I've ever seen
Was a single room, where everyone could see,
Now we're a large square unit
Four corridors, each thirty feet long,
If I yell for you at one end
You'll just think I am singing a song.

Twenty-one separate cubbyholes
Privacy guaranteed, in a sort of way,
We keep the sliding doors swung to the side
There's a curtain to keep prying eyes at bay,
When the door is fitted in it's groove
It won't accomodate even a gurney,
You might feel trapped and caged
And inclined to call your Attorney.

The rooms were not designed for a bed
Why not?; it takes up too much space,
To allow a visitor to hang out in the chair
Just barely leaves room for a vase,
Near the fixed-counter sink cupboard area
Hardly room for the thinnest of Nurses,
Adjust a monitor, assess Mr. Patient?
While I'm mumbling kind-hearted curses.

Oh, so gorgeous and shiny on the surface
Where underneath, the machine is still busted,
Only time will tell, while management feels swell
But quite frankly, it just can't be trusted,
While the corporate heads of great branding
Tout our beautiful building with pride,
Architecturally, oh yes, it is pretty
But ergonomics, were kicked off the ride.

Fibril_late;
5/15/14

Dental Dana 25

Dental Dana

I kinda miss her,

Last week, I saw Billy Bob

Trying to kiss her,

My blood, it boiled

Steam blasted from my brain,

I plotted ways to maim him

But would it really ease my pain?

Oh, I'm a sorry sort

And I'm singing my blues,

Billy Bob is a rival

I wonder, who she will choose,

Will she gather her tools

And disengage from that buffoon,

How my teeth are aching

Just thinking about that goon.

Dental Dana

Must know I have a wife,

Probably why she snickers

When she's poised with her knife,

2 millimeters away

From Buccal Nerve seven,

One false move, I'm in Hell

While I'm dreaming about Heaven.

Dental Dana

She declared,

Leave me alone, boys

You ought to be scared,

Because you know my skills

And the tools in my collection,

No more hanky-panky

Or expect blunt dissection.

Fibril_late;

5/5/14

Like a Dog

Momma said, "If you don't like the heat, stay out of the frying pan"..

Like a Dog

Another crazy busy day

But here is what I thought,

I’m a critical-care nurse

And this is what I bought,

I learned to prioritize

And sort the greatest need,

Should I get Billy Bob a sandwich?

Or assess Mary Lou’s bleed.

The writing on the wall

Puts the pedal to the metal,

I just gotta deal with it

And wait for the dust to settle,

And I won’t complain

That I missed a 15-minute break,

Mary Lou has issues

Her life is at stake.

I ride a bicycle to work

My body is healthy,

I’m willing to work hard

(Not being wealthy),

And Mary Lou is why

I have chosen this profession,

I’m working for her

It’s a simple confession.

Her needs are greater than mine

Her safety is paramount,

How many breaks I’ve missed?

I don’t bother to count,

And even if I waited

Eight hours for a meal,

I’m not so important

That’s just how I feel.

I carry snack bars in my pockets

And need just one cup of coffee,

It’s extra special fine

If there’s some chocolate or toffee,

Because my needs are simple

And patient needs are greater,

If I miss a 15-minute break

I won’t collapse in a Lunar crater.

Some Nurses won’t like it

When I am around,

I’ll take a heavy load

Like yer good old bloodhound,

Maybe I am like a dog

That nevers knows when to sit,

Chasing a favorite ball

He won’t pause or quit.

Yup, just another busy day

There will be more, exactly the same,

Do you have what it takes

To be a contender in this game?

If you’re wimpy or whiny

You don’t like busy or hard,

Hold a sign at the Freeway

Or chase snails in your yard.

Fibril_late;

5/1/14

Battery Powers

I bring to work each day, the best of me. I have never let my off-duty life, dictate how I might perform at work. I bring 12 hours of Super-Power, High-octane, 110%+ each and every time........for 30+ years (and counting). I've gone to work with 2 hours sleep behind me........those I won't brag about, but I did it. But my awake time was full bore, Resource-go-to, kind of stuff. Some of us were cut out to do that; and I have pulled it off. How?...I never stop learning. I read about Cardiology and Critical Care Medicine every single week.

If you don't keep up; you don't!

Battery Powers

I need to remain
Less attached,
To the nuances and
Origins, of just who was snatched,
And to tend to my garden
The plants that I own,
And keep me away
From the gol-durned phone.

I need to ignore
That I know what is known,
All things that are needed
I don't have to own,
Yes, that is the secret
Of satisfaction and success,
But, too bad that isn't true
Without me, it's a mess.

Call me over-responsible
I expect what is best,
Every day is a challenge
A personal test,
Along side of me, I want
Persons doing that too,
At the end of the night
I wish it was you.

I'm not the best
But I try to be each day,
To perform at a level
Where our patient's might say,
They felt secure and well informed
And their Nurse, was so kind,
I strive to be like that
That is a rare Nurse to find.

I am tired, I admit
Near the end of 12 hours,
After working so hard
My battery powers,
Might dwindle and flicker
Like a flashlight, near its end,
Just shake me a few times
I might get a spark I can spend.

Fibril_late;
4/26/14

Down-Beaten

Down-beaten at work
I can barely write,
We commiserate and complain
Because it's not worth the fight,
When our complaints are not acted on
Patient safety, be damned,
Night after night
We Closers are slammed.

We've got a hot new unit
It sure is pretty,
21 beds, same nurses
And our outlook is gritty,
Naturally, more patients
Can hang out with us,
At the end of our shift
Nothing to do, but cuss.

Then, we are reprimanded
"Too much overtime!"
Charge Nurse stays late
Like we committed a war crime,
They are not effective laborers
Their attention is on the dollars,
Running around, disorganized
Like juvenile installers.

After 12 hours
The money is dandy,
But when I get home
I want a brewsky, not candy,
The chocolate was at work
For a quick energy fix,
At home I might reach for
Blue Moon, one to six.

Relaxing? yes..........
Not so good for one's health,
I'm aging painfully
And pondering my wealth,
Knowing another four years
Would be ideal, to retire,
But can I survive the duration
Or Go Postal, and get fired?

Fibril_late;
4/24/14

Rant of Frustration

Things (where I work) are a huge pain in the neck, now that we have moved into our new unit. My *"Well Known Hospital" system, is all about public image and branding and la la la la................while crushing the life out of the workers. In the past two years they have outsourced Dietary, Laboratory, Medical Records, Housekeeping, Staffing, etc.

 The latest debacle is a computer based "Tele-Tracking" bed placement, Transporter Directory, bed and pillow locator all rolled into one. Previously, Transporters were Unit based, meaning that Radiology would own some and Cath Lab / Surgery would own some, and we had one and so on. Now, all Transporters are in one big pool, and they are directed by pager to respond to all calls (lumped into some kind of queue), the end result being, when I request a wheelchair or need to transport my patient somewhere, I don't have a clue, how long it is going to take somebody to show up. Previously a phone call to our own transporter, would have answered that question. 

Our own Unit transporter, they were the ones that would do the Hair Clipping for the preop-preps, which can be hugely time consuming (for the open heart patients). Hairy apes can take 45 minutes to an hour. Patients come to us a day or two before surgery to get Labs, Xray, teaching, meet the Anesthesiologist, maybe have a PFT and so on. This typically takes about 3 hours, and now the RN, is assigned the Salon job too. Lets see, I think that means having the $60 dollar per hour hair cutter, instead of the previous $20 dollar per hour technician to do the same job. The RN is then reprimanded by the Charge Nurse, "Why are the pre-ops taking longer now?". 

And now, we have become the designated Procedural Sedation Nurses, for the Bronch Lab that is adjacent to our Unit. I like doing them, but then I am out of the Unit for at least two hours for Prep, Procedure and Recovery, which can have a major impact on my fellow nurses elsewhere. 

If a genuine "work-flow" study were done, these glaring inefficiencies would be revealed. But you and I know the answers; Management doesn't give a damn. They know that the public will love our pretty shiny new Unit/building and workers can always be replaced, preferably by someone younger, less experienced, and thus, lower paid.

Can I put up with this another four years? I truly don't know.

Serenity Prayer - Fail

Most of us in this Grand Ole Land of milk and honey and AA styled programs (12 Steps), have heard of the Serenity prayer (Author: Reinhold Niebuhr). It starts off like this: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. It continues onward with all sorts of good words and ideas, and truly is serene, but may not reflect reality. It is shrouded in quasi-religious feel-good babble, and just might be the best darn thing to repeat as a group, if you believe in Sin and weakness. But in the hospital setting, where people come to find answers regarding their bodies, and we do stuff to them with sharp pointy things and powerful drugs, I can not allow myself the Serenity, to accept things that I can not change, not when lives are at stake!. My "higher power" is Education, and I while I work my one day at a time, I expect of myself and all others, the highest degree of performance and knowledge. I can not tolerate stupidity and ignorance, and must speak out against it. 

Oh, I'm frustrated

After today's Kindergarten session,

A couple, short-attention-spanners

Left a heckuva impression, 

On my potential longevity

If this situation doesn't change,

What I need is a human cannon

To send them way down range.

Too many errors of inexperience

I can no longer ignore,

This couple of newbies

Need to find the nearest exit door,

After six months of coaxing and cooing

Happy smiles and sweetness, doth fail,

Failing to study, refusing to learn

They rejected the Holy Grail.

Fibril_late;

4/12/14

Mentoring is Guiding

Swim or Sink

New Nurses;

I want to inspire,

I want them like me

Willing to run towards a fire,

I want them to study

Their favorite interest,

More in depth

Than photo's on Pinterest.

New Nurses

You have to leap into the saddle,

If you seem uninterested

I'll hit you with a paddle,

Because if you claim you are learning

But you do stupid stuff,

There will come a time

When I've had enough.

Then I will ignore

I won't offer assist,

You can flounder your way

Into the fatal abyss,

If you ask for my help

I will do what is right,

But I won't hold your hand

Into the darkness of night.

New Nurses

Have to be motivated,

Intelligence and effort

Are not overrated,

A passion for learning

Is a professional demand,

If you don't acquire more knowledge

You'll be stuck where you stand.

Some older Nurses

Don't want to learn about new,

At my EKG class

I always meet one or two,

I'm shocked by their complacency

Their unwillingness to grow,

What kind of fool is that?

Not a colleague I want to know.

I like working with scholarly types

Others striving to be the best,

Persons not completely satisfied

Passing one simple test,

Because I meet folks like that

They took one class and quit,

Apparently, that's enough

If you just want to sit.

New Nurses

I encourage them to study,

I am happy to mentor

I'm a professional buddy,

But its a two way street

Payback, one might say,

You need to be a good student

And do things my way.

In time you will be comfortable

Self-assured with good skills,

Critical thinking

Beyond bed baths and pills,

But you have to keep learning

Today and beyond,

Don’t bother to do that

And you’ll drown in the pond.

Fibril_late;

4/6/14

Fools of April

On Our Heads

It has been a dull, boring year

For inspiration,

So I’m in a learning phase

Out of desperation,

I'm lackadaisical

And procrastinating,

I'm not excited

Standing and waiting.

At my maximum moment

Of absolute uninspired,

The powers that be

Say, "New programs are required",

To satisfy

Regulatory demands,

We must stand on our heads

While clapping our hands.

Another JACO visit

And to prove we're not lazy,

A sheaf of papers to memorize

Management goes crazy,

Reminding and scolding

Rolled up, neat and tidy,

Then they sent me home early

I'll be gone until Friday.

Surveyors should be gone

Maybe the Boss will have praises,

Though it doesn't really matter

There sure won't be any raises,

Those are destined for the team

Dean Lloyd and his crew,

Not even a Starbucks card

For any of you.

Yes, just business as usual

This undignified caring,

Human kindness as branding?

As a slogan, is overbearing.

Fibril_late;

4/1/14