Another Tip

Another Tip

I received another tip today

The second one this year,

No one told me that at age sixty,

Nursing tips would start to appear.

Yet, retirement is approaching

Like a runaway train on a busted track,

I'll enjoy every tip I get

Without ever looking back.

A five dollar Thank you

Can buy a couple cups of Joe,

I will savor each flavorful sip

And dream about where I will go.

Fibril_late;

10/20/13

Not a Proxy

I found this little gem a couple weeks ago, jogging my memory regarding an extremely long transport involving several lengthy boring tests…………..and how it can all change so abruptly.

Not a Proxy

MRI’s and CAT-scans

Six hours in Nuke-med,

You’re feeling completely abandoned

Half-bored, and out or your head,

When the patient goes berserk

Has a seizure, then Code-Blue,

With all your knowledge and experience

You’re in charge, it’s what you do;

Bring the crash-cart, place the backboard

Prep the paddles, charge and shock,

Check the credentials of the Doctor

Before you let him lead the flock,

Recite the most important details

Of the chart you memorized,

You’re a master Critical-Care Nurse

You never are surprised.

It’s what we do, whenever we must

Experience, brains and moxy,

Critical thinking personified

You’re the real thing, not a proxy.

Fibril_late;

10/10/13

Safety Fail

Safety Fail

Once again

Another fail,

A motor-assisted bed

But the battery is stale,

Charging while at rest

Then unplugged for the drive,

Engaged the motor switch

Oh, the battery is not alive.

This labor saving device

Is the proverbial Albatross,

A 400 pound sea-anchor

And I'm at a loss,

Because I recently rehabbed

From an injury, Jack,

This load-assist device

Is like a machine fighting back.

I pushed that bed

Expecting it to move,

I felt pain shoot down my leg

In the usual groove,

Associated with the syndrome

Of the Lumbar five condition,

Another back-protection fail

A hospital tradition.

Fibril_late;

10/2/13

Disclaimer

What with all of the heavy-handed "you can't do this" internet usage crap we have to listen to, and all of that dubious HIPPA rules nonsense, it's a wonder we can even communicate anymore. I figured it was time I put a disclaimer statement at The Underside of Nursing, to protect me in the event, somebody bothers ("authority figure") to read my blog. Naturally, I had to make it rhyme.

Disclaimer

All of the names

Are perpetually changed,

If you think I wrote about you

Then you are deranged,

The quaint situations

That I write of, are fiction,

The imaginary locations

Are out of my jurisdiction.

I'm not writing screenplays

Based on true stories,

Although I've had inspiration

From hospital laboratories,

Where bodily fluids

And Lab Techs commingle,

When I visit that place

My idea's really tingle.

If you think that you recognized

Your Uncle Bob, in my story,

You most likely get sentimental

When they raise up Old Glory.

High on the flagpole

Every year in July.

When I write about Billy-Bob

He's just fiction; don't cry.

My poetry is a journal

A diary of sorts,

A multi-decade document

With rhyming reports,

Regarding my state of mind

Daily travels and deeds,

It just so happens, I have a job

Where somebody bleeds.

So, it's not about you

Your mother or father,

More likely a situation

That was really a  bother,

And later I unloaded

Another story of fiction,

Of post-traumatic-stress

A symbolic benediction.

Fibril_late;

9/30/13

Demon

It was bound to happen; one of Satan's minor devils needed a Cardiac Cath. It has been some time since I last wrestled with a demon, and although I survived, I was injured. Any nurse that works in patient care, will at some time or other, have to look a devil in the eye......touch their lucky talisman, and pray they live to see the next sunrise.

Demon

Evil demon

One might comment, “Of course”,

Slugging away at us caregivers

Without any remorse,

There is no excuse

For behavior such as this,

I didn't go to work today

Expecting a demon's kiss.

Malevolent devil

Imagine being betrothed to that one,

Said he has been married for 14 years

I suppose at one time he must have been fun,

Now he is Beelzebub's brother

Tormenting his compassionate wife,

And as he threatens and fights us

She cries out, as if stabbed with a knife.

Two of us were injured

And now I'm in pain,

I'll have a few weeks of light-duty

Physical Therapy, so I can face it again,

The chance opportunity

To meet up

With one of Satan's dominion,

But I'll just smile and wave, boys

And later post my opinion.

Fibril_late;

8/29/13

Leadership

Leadership

Reported my injury

And the Manager's Coordinator,

Said, you should have called for help

But we had to move him now, and not later,

Mr. Demon couldn't wait

For any handy lift device,

Gasping, cussing and fighting

And we paid the price.

What kind of leadership person

Points a finger, as if to blame,

Not showing concern for the injured

What kind of dysfunctional game,

Causes a person to harp on and on

About why I had 30 minutes of overtime,

Two days ago on the day I was injured....

Her management skills aren't worth a dime.

I love my job

But this Assistant Manager is an ass,

The worst I have ever encountered

Thirty years, since Nursing class,

And this will never be resolved

As long as she remains on the job,

It's laughable, that she believes

She is a worthy leader for our mob.

In hindsight, she said

You could have used the right tools,

Me, I thought the guy was going to code

Then they would have called us fools,

For calling a Transporter to find equipment

While the devil's heartbeat raced beyond 150,

It's not like the equipment we need is on hand

Oh, to work in such a dream hospital, sure would be nifty.

I think the right tools would include

Captains, who care about their team,

I have a wonderful job

And a sergeant, that makes me scream.

Fibril_late;

8/29/13

Painful

Recently we were shown a new pain assessment tool. It fills an entire computer screen with about 42 different numbers, adjectives, identifiers, what makes it better or worse, how often,....amazing, since I began using it, all of my patients have no pain. It is indeed, a miraculous tool. And of course, a new document means something new to be audited about.

Painful

An overemphasis on pain

By calling it a vital sign,

It's a normal response

And quite often benign,

But as a Medical provider

It's the first thing we ask,

There will be an audit reprimand

If we don't perform the task.

My wife thinks it's too stupid

When she has a medical visit,

They ask, “Do you have any pain

The number, what is it?”

Because for her, pain is not the reason

For the appointment with her Physician,

She thinks that's a perfect example

Of their stupidity condition.

Is it any wonder

Addiction is out of control?

Medical care, created this problem

Asking if you have pain

As if it's the whole,

Summation of your existence

From the moment birth arrived,

By putting that first, we foster an industry

A painful diagnosis, neatly contrived.

So, we under-treated pain

In the young and the old,

The sick and infirm

The hot and the cold,

Until we offered Oxycontin

And created a nation of thieves,

Where we now ask about your pain

But which one of us believes,

When you say it is a “10”

Watching TV with your brother Hank,

A ten, is like having a baby

Or being run over by a tank.

We are supposed to record what number you choose

And apply future treatment, on this arbitrary measure,

You can be as stupid as a fence post and figure this out

It's pretty damn easy to read the map to this treasure,

The golden prescription, to your favorite drugs

We made it so easy and fostered your addiction,

And now upper-management, wants to audit my assessment

Did I document exactly, triggers, therapy and restriction.

If we were to follow this pattern of describing in excess

With every medical discipline invited to play,

There would be no time to perform our procedures

Physical assessments would rule our entire day,

So, who is the driver of this fancy new boat

The Captain, who audits my charting,

I didn't describe pain with the 42 adjectives

And now they threaten me with early departing.

Fibril_late;

8/12/13

The Copay Blues

Many people, when they finally retire, have so many afflictions, requiring pills and potions, and multiple doctors visits, they have to really pinch pennies to even survive. They suffer from the Copay Blues.

Copay Blues

Now that I'm retired

Life has changed a lot,

I can go wherever I want

And get there on the dot,

The outcome of my income

Is a topic oft discussed,

If I spend too much, too quickly

My bank account will bust.

One of the biggest worries

Retired people have,

How to pay for medical care

The Doctors, pills and salve,

You really need insurance

For emergencies and such,

A surgery could bankrupt you

But let's talk about the crutch.

Each time you see the Doctor

For the crutch or pill or potion,

You have to pony up some money

Your hard earned dollars are in motion,

Moving rapidly away from you

For a diminishing return,

Theses are the Copay Blues, my friend

So listen now and learn.

Forget the stupid reasons

When you went to see the Doc,

You had sniffles and a headache

You wanted time off on the clock,

This required a Doctor's note

To get 3 days off or more,

Then they paid you to be sick

Paid time off, now that's a score.

You're not working anymore

The Doctor isn't free,

The crutch, the pills and potions

Could break the bank, you see,

Fixed payments on prescriptions

Percentages till you hit the cap,

And a million dollar hospital bill

Is always there on tap.

Are you worth a million dollars?

That could be more, than you ever earned,

Your Copay would be just a percentage of that

But baby, you'll still feel burned,

Yes, this is a story of retirement

Everything you own, you could lose,

Frittering away your money for medical

Oh, these are the Copay Blues.

Fibril_late;

7/17/13