Painful

Recently we were shown a new pain assessment tool. It fills an entire computer screen with about 42 different numbers, adjectives, identifiers, what makes it better or worse, how often,....amazing, since I began using it, all of my patients have no pain. It is indeed, a miraculous tool. And of course, a new document means something new to be audited about.

Painful

An overemphasis on pain

By calling it a vital sign,

It's a normal response

And quite often benign,

But as a Medical provider

It's the first thing we ask,

There will be an audit reprimand

If we don't perform the task.

My wife thinks it's too stupid

When she has a medical visit,

They ask, “Do you have any pain

The number, what is it?”

Because for her, pain is not the reason

For the appointment with her Physician,

She thinks that's a perfect example

Of their stupidity condition.

Is it any wonder

Addiction is out of control?

Medical care, created this problem

Asking if you have pain

As if it's the whole,

Summation of your existence

From the moment birth arrived,

By putting that first, we foster an industry

A painful diagnosis, neatly contrived.

So, we under-treated pain

In the young and the old,

The sick and infirm

The hot and the cold,

Until we offered Oxycontin

And created a nation of thieves,

Where we now ask about your pain

But which one of us believes,

When you say it is a “10”

Watching TV with your brother Hank,

A ten, is like having a baby

Or being run over by a tank.

We are supposed to record what number you choose

And apply future treatment, on this arbitrary measure,

You can be as stupid as a fence post and figure this out

It's pretty damn easy to read the map to this treasure,

The golden prescription, to your favorite drugs

We made it so easy and fostered your addiction,

And now upper-management, wants to audit my assessment

Did I document exactly, triggers, therapy and restriction.

If we were to follow this pattern of describing in excess

With every medical discipline invited to play,

There would be no time to perform our procedures

Physical assessments would rule our entire day,

So, who is the driver of this fancy new boat

The Captain, who audits my charting,

I didn't describe pain with the 42 adjectives

And now they threaten me with early departing.

Fibril_late;

8/12/13