My co-contributor in Virginia has sent another riveting story of his Nursing life; enjoy!
Life on Neuro Unit
The patients were all quiet,
The night was quite slow.
'Til this guy with a stroke
Complained of gout in his toe.
He asked for some morphine,
So like a good nurse.
I drew up the max,
And said “thanks”, when he’d curse.
I pushed it in quickly
So it would act really fast.
I’d just give him another
When that didn’t last.
But, things don’t always work
The way they are planned.
He saw bugs on the wall
In dinosaur land.
He stood in his bed
And in some Shakespearian verse,
Screamed “I’m Dorothy, you wicked witch of the East”
And then pee’d on his nurse.
And with all the excitement,
Sir Dorothy’s pressure did soar.
And with one pirouette
He was flat on the floor.
Well, he wasn’t really hurt
When he fell from that bed.
Except maybe that subdural
He got in his head.
And the coumadin didn’t help none
As he took all those knocks.
Nor did the Aspirin,
Least of all, Lovenox.
Now I’m writing the report
Doing all the explaining.
While “Dorothy” pushes up daisies
And does no complaining.
S. H.
4/17/09
Friday, June 26, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Back on May 28th, I wrote about the "boxes and arrows", referring to a "what's new" document on the bathroom wall, with some kind of nifty flowchart, in this case, regarding pressure ulcers.
Now,(in my opinion) it's time to take it down, and show us something new, because of course, we are monsters for continuous learning!
Show Us The Way
What with boxes and arrows
And asterisked notes,
I'm sure we'll be influenced
To offer our votes
With a highdy-hy-ho
We'll all dance to the tune,
While the Stage 3's and 4's
Will heal up real soon.
We'll be featured in "People"
"Cosmo" and "Us",
Oprah will invite
And we'll get on her bus,
Dr. Phil will offer
A warm and groovy kudo,
But frankly, I'm thinking
He is full of menudo.
Now, those boxes and arrows
Will soon be replaced,
This idea is old
And can now be erased,
But don't you be worried
Something new will be in play,
Another flow-charted document
To show us the way.
Fibril_late;
6/21/09
Now,(in my opinion) it's time to take it down, and show us something new, because of course, we are monsters for continuous learning!
Show Us The Way
What with boxes and arrows
And asterisked notes,
I'm sure we'll be influenced
To offer our votes
With a highdy-hy-ho
We'll all dance to the tune,
While the Stage 3's and 4's
Will heal up real soon.
We'll be featured in "People"
"Cosmo" and "Us",
Oprah will invite
And we'll get on her bus,
Dr. Phil will offer
A warm and groovy kudo,
But frankly, I'm thinking
He is full of menudo.
Now, those boxes and arrows
Will soon be replaced,
This idea is old
And can now be erased,
But don't you be worried
Something new will be in play,
Another flow-charted document
To show us the way.
Fibril_late;
6/21/09
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Nursing, is a weird industry, in terms of how we relate to each other. In what other career/job, do workers "write up" each other? This means, that when a co-worker makes some kind of mistake (according to me), or perhaps, throws off some kind of attitude that I don't like, I can write them up. As a nurse of 26 years (yowza), I have never performed this writing-up thing. Probably somebody has done it to me, although I don't remember, but I'd like it to be known right now, that it isn't a good idea, because I'm sneaky, devious and smarter, and you will get no advance warning, when I decide to put a rat-trap in your locker.
Write Me Up
If you write me up
I will write you down,
I'll have your car followed
All over town.
If you call me to the front
I'll meet you in the back,
You better be ready
I just might attack.
If you have a complaint
Don't take it to the boss,
Keep it to yourself
And you'll suffer no loss.
If you write me up
And I retaliate,
Remember, I warned you
'Twas you, that sealed your fate.
Fibril_late;
6/14/09
__ __ __ __ __ __ __ _
And along similar lines, there is this option:
We'll Blame It On You
We'll blame it on you
When you're not here,
It's the easiest way
To get back at you, dear.
We'll blame it on you
That's the best way to do it,
You're not here, so we can
Say that you blew it.
Now, you may wonder why
We blame it all on you,
It's really quite simple
It's the petty thing to do.
Fibril_late;
6/17/09
Write Me Up
If you write me up
I will write you down,
I'll have your car followed
All over town.
If you call me to the front
I'll meet you in the back,
You better be ready
I just might attack.
If you have a complaint
Don't take it to the boss,
Keep it to yourself
And you'll suffer no loss.
If you write me up
And I retaliate,
Remember, I warned you
'Twas you, that sealed your fate.
Fibril_late;
6/14/09
__ __ __ __ __ __ __ _
And along similar lines, there is this option:
We'll Blame It On You
We'll blame it on you
When you're not here,
It's the easiest way
To get back at you, dear.
We'll blame it on you
That's the best way to do it,
You're not here, so we can
Say that you blew it.
Now, you may wonder why
We blame it all on you,
It's really quite simple
It's the petty thing to do.
Fibril_late;
6/17/09
Sunday, June 07, 2009
I was reminded (by me) regarding why I like to have a new assignment every day I work. Familiarity. I find that more mistakes are possible if I think I know everything that has been going on with Patient "X", if I took care of them 2 or more days. Sure, I know it makes the Nurse-to-Nurse report easier, and supposedly the patient and their family like to get to know "their nurse", however, I can assure you, families will let you know right away, if they NEVER want you as a Nurse, ever again. So, I guess that's familiarity in reverse.
Anyway,
the poem writing also brought out how we all know people (perhaps I'm one....) who talk too much about stuff that is private, or best kept at home, and certainly not aired in the workplace. So that's why I call this the:
The Privacy Store
Familiarity may breed contempt
I suspect you've heard this before,
Knowing another, more than is necessary
Can lead directly to the privacy store.
The place where precious secrets
Are hidden from prying eyes,
A place where hurts and insults
Can be found with accompanying cries.
Stuffed away incidents of injury
Long forgotten, and best filed away,
Might pop up in moments of vulnerability
If familiarity influences the play.
Some people keep their store open
Friendly and inviting, they'll share,
Every damn thing you can think of
Cluttering and polluting the air,
Innuendo, and other meaningless blather
Couched around an occasional thought,
As if we need to know all the details
Of the latest hot gadget they bought.
Oh familiarity, it presents kind of friendly
But as the details stack up it's a bore,
My advice to the public at large
Come on, won't you please lock your door.
Fibril_late;
6/7/09
Anyway,
the poem writing also brought out how we all know people (perhaps I'm one....) who talk too much about stuff that is private, or best kept at home, and certainly not aired in the workplace. So that's why I call this the:
The Privacy Store
Familiarity may breed contempt
I suspect you've heard this before,
Knowing another, more than is necessary
Can lead directly to the privacy store.
The place where precious secrets
Are hidden from prying eyes,
A place where hurts and insults
Can be found with accompanying cries.
Stuffed away incidents of injury
Long forgotten, and best filed away,
Might pop up in moments of vulnerability
If familiarity influences the play.
Some people keep their store open
Friendly and inviting, they'll share,
Every damn thing you can think of
Cluttering and polluting the air,
Innuendo, and other meaningless blather
Couched around an occasional thought,
As if we need to know all the details
Of the latest hot gadget they bought.
Oh familiarity, it presents kind of friendly
But as the details stack up it's a bore,
My advice to the public at large
Come on, won't you please lock your door.
Fibril_late;
6/7/09
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Every time there is a new paper on the restroom bulletin board, and it outlines a "flowchart", well good golly, it must be another "latest hot thing to do". Yup, that's a surefire countryfied guarantee!
Boxes and Arrows
Note the boxes and arrows
Some wide and some narrow
The emphasis, where asterisks lie,
Another awesome directive
For Nurses collective
The Pressure-Sore Flowchart, oh my!
It has every ingredient
To demand we're expedient
It describes what to do, when and how,
Make sure you do it right
If a pressure-sore is in sight,
Or surely, (you-know-who), will have a cow.
It's a Medicare didactic
To use threat as a tactic
To shift the cost of the problem to us,
And thus the panic doth fly
From those leaders up high,
And the workers bear the burden and fuss.
- - - - - - -
While those boxes and arrows
Were so orderly and neat,
The conditions and diseases
Causing sores, can't all be beat;
Thus, we pay through the nose
For the wounds that won't close,
[Medicare bean-counters are happy
They're not paying for those],
Some hospitals will go bankrupt
Then doors will close............
At last the boxes and arrows
And the occasional asterisk,
Will go the way of the dodo bird
And the old floppy disk,
Succumb to the vagaries
Of regulation and defrayal,
Another typical case
Of healthcare betrayal.
Fibril_late
6/4/09
Boxes and Arrows
Note the boxes and arrows
Some wide and some narrow
The emphasis, where asterisks lie,
Another awesome directive
For Nurses collective
The Pressure-Sore Flowchart, oh my!
It has every ingredient
To demand we're expedient
It describes what to do, when and how,
Make sure you do it right
If a pressure-sore is in sight,
Or surely, (you-know-who), will have a cow.
It's a Medicare didactic
To use threat as a tactic
To shift the cost of the problem to us,
And thus the panic doth fly
From those leaders up high,
And the workers bear the burden and fuss.
- - - - - - -
While those boxes and arrows
Were so orderly and neat,
The conditions and diseases
Causing sores, can't all be beat;
Thus, we pay through the nose
For the wounds that won't close,
[Medicare bean-counters are happy
They're not paying for those],
Some hospitals will go bankrupt
Then doors will close............
At last the boxes and arrows
And the occasional asterisk,
Will go the way of the dodo bird
And the old floppy disk,
Succumb to the vagaries
Of regulation and defrayal,
Another typical case
Of healthcare betrayal.
Fibril_late
6/4/09
Thursday, May 28, 2009
JCAH In the News again.
Where To Go
We have boxes and arrows
And flowcharts galore,
Which is a sure guarantee
It will mean a new chore,
And when two chores a month
Are introduced with regularity,
It becomes quite a challenge
To a Nurses dexterity.
I’m not pointing fingers
Nor assigning any blame,
Although I suspect there’s a connection
With that famous Jayco Game,
It’s a bit like Monopoly
Hooks-and-Ladders, and Chance,
Dress up in your Disco boots
Start the music, let’s dance.
With our arrows and boxes
Pointing sideways and down,
We can tell them where to go
When Joint Commission comes to town.
Fibril_late;
5/28/09
Where To Go
We have boxes and arrows
And flowcharts galore,
Which is a sure guarantee
It will mean a new chore,
And when two chores a month
Are introduced with regularity,
It becomes quite a challenge
To a Nurses dexterity.
I’m not pointing fingers
Nor assigning any blame,
Although I suspect there’s a connection
With that famous Jayco Game,
It’s a bit like Monopoly
Hooks-and-Ladders, and Chance,
Dress up in your Disco boots
Start the music, let’s dance.
With our arrows and boxes
Pointing sideways and down,
We can tell them where to go
When Joint Commission comes to town.
Fibril_late;
5/28/09
Sunday, May 24, 2009
HNNK/DKA - Thats a mouthful, isn't it? For some reason, what used to be HHNK (Hyperglycemic Hyperosmolar Non-Ketotic : Diabetic Ketoacidosis, has been renamed HNNK) ....sounds like Mary Poppins is at work here, huh?
Anyway, at our facility, some BODY has chosen to vote in the HNNK, abbreviation, and it still means the same thing, but the initials don't really work out. Whatever!
To those of us who are shackled with doing fingerstick blood glucose tests every 30 to 60 minutes, I assure you, we recognize it as SOS.
Yes, that means:
Same Old Ship
HNNK
Used to be HHNK,
Don't ask me why
They didn't say,
It still is packaged
With DKA wrapping,
And you read about it first
Where everyone is crapping.
I can hardly wait
For the next revision,
As usual, it won't be
Our decision,
We're just the folks
Who play by the rule,
That's what they taught us
Back in school.
HNNK
It sounds like a ship,
Ready to sail
On its maiden trip,
But ask any sailor
It's the same old boat,
As ready to sink
As it is to float
HNNK
Three pages of orders,
So entirely typical
With these types of disorders,
No doubt derived
By an oversized committee,
And as slaves of the document
We beg you, have pity!
Fibril_late;
5/24/09
This topic has caused another poem!
HNNK Revisited
This HNNK thing
Is a document to admire,
Dr. M, is promoting it
So we'll save it from the fire.
As stubborn as we are
I guess we'll take it for a spin,
That previous HHNK thing?
We'd had it up to the chin!
Mutiny had previously been scheduled
To arrive, June 4th, oh-nine,
HHNK orders, were getting keel-hauled
And afterwards, pickled in brine.
Perhaps our bitching and moaning
Finally passed the deaf ears,
It overstepped many a brain
Misfiring on 10 gears;
Because................
Reversing acidosis
And tweaking the glucose,
Is not a refined science
No, that doesn't even come close,
To describing the ways
The problem has been addressed,
As if every 5 years
It's another new test,
Of our capacity to follow
Convoluted orders and a hot new plan,
When we know good a well
We're back where we began.
This HNNK treatment thing
Is a sight to behold,
By the time we understand it
Most of us will be too old,
To prepare for the next version
Due in seven years,
Retired by then, anyways
We'll reminisce over a few beers.
Fibril_late;
5/27/09
Anyway, at our facility, some BODY has chosen to vote in the HNNK, abbreviation, and it still means the same thing, but the initials don't really work out. Whatever!
To those of us who are shackled with doing fingerstick blood glucose tests every 30 to 60 minutes, I assure you, we recognize it as SOS.
Yes, that means:
Same Old Ship
HNNK
Used to be HHNK,
Don't ask me why
They didn't say,
It still is packaged
With DKA wrapping,
And you read about it first
Where everyone is crapping.
I can hardly wait
For the next revision,
As usual, it won't be
Our decision,
We're just the folks
Who play by the rule,
That's what they taught us
Back in school.
HNNK
It sounds like a ship,
Ready to sail
On its maiden trip,
But ask any sailor
It's the same old boat,
As ready to sink
As it is to float
HNNK
Three pages of orders,
So entirely typical
With these types of disorders,
No doubt derived
By an oversized committee,
And as slaves of the document
We beg you, have pity!
Fibril_late;
5/24/09
This topic has caused another poem!
HNNK Revisited
This HNNK thing
Is a document to admire,
Dr. M, is promoting it
So we'll save it from the fire.
As stubborn as we are
I guess we'll take it for a spin,
That previous HHNK thing?
We'd had it up to the chin!
Mutiny had previously been scheduled
To arrive, June 4th, oh-nine,
HHNK orders, were getting keel-hauled
And afterwards, pickled in brine.
Perhaps our bitching and moaning
Finally passed the deaf ears,
It overstepped many a brain
Misfiring on 10 gears;
Because................
Reversing acidosis
And tweaking the glucose,
Is not a refined science
No, that doesn't even come close,
To describing the ways
The problem has been addressed,
As if every 5 years
It's another new test,
Of our capacity to follow
Convoluted orders and a hot new plan,
When we know good a well
We're back where we began.
This HNNK treatment thing
Is a sight to behold,
By the time we understand it
Most of us will be too old,
To prepare for the next version
Due in seven years,
Retired by then, anyways
We'll reminisce over a few beers.
Fibril_late;
5/27/09
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
This poem dates back to about 1980, and it's a real classic.
Ode To Gomer
What do you see, Nurses
What do you see?
What are you thinking
When I take a pee?
Did you notice my bladder
Distended and firm?
And that thing in my stool
It looked just like a worm.
Did you observe that my sputum
Was crawling and green,
Can't you see I need treatments
On my breathing machine?
I'm nauseous and nasty
Whoops, up comes my brunch,
Please save it for me
I'll have it for lunch.
That IV solution
Is really poison, you know
And you're trying to kill me
But I won't let go.
I'm calling my lawyer
To represent me,
I'll have you all jailed
And I'll be set free.
Oh my God, my heart's pounding
Like it's hitting my rib,
And I hear a loud voice announce
"Look, it's V-fib"!
Someone's thumping my chest
As ribs crack, one by one,
Why is everyone smiling
Like this is all fun.
Now I'm just an old body
Lying limp on this bed,
The crowd sighs with relief
'Cause this old gomer is dead.
Fibril_late;
1980?
Ode To Gomer
What do you see, Nurses
What do you see?
What are you thinking
When I take a pee?
Did you notice my bladder
Distended and firm?
And that thing in my stool
It looked just like a worm.
Did you observe that my sputum
Was crawling and green,
Can't you see I need treatments
On my breathing machine?
I'm nauseous and nasty
Whoops, up comes my brunch,
Please save it for me
I'll have it for lunch.
That IV solution
Is really poison, you know
And you're trying to kill me
But I won't let go.
I'm calling my lawyer
To represent me,
I'll have you all jailed
And I'll be set free.
Oh my God, my heart's pounding
Like it's hitting my rib,
And I hear a loud voice announce
"Look, it's V-fib"!
Someone's thumping my chest
As ribs crack, one by one,
Why is everyone smiling
Like this is all fun.
Now I'm just an old body
Lying limp on this bed,
The crowd sighs with relief
'Cause this old gomer is dead.
Fibril_late;
1980?
Friday, May 15, 2009
Now, from the not so good ideas department. In this day and age of "names that catch the attention", why would Sister Euphemia allow her Pharmacy to name a new directive, "Pharmacy Profiling"? I immediately thought of "racial profiling". Duh!
So, what in the heck is Pharmacy up to, with their brand of profiling?!? I sure don't know, but I have at least one idea.
Pharmacy Profiling
Pharmacy profiling
Is the latest aberration,
Delivered by a department
Famous for obfuscation,
After numerous MERP alerts
And countless Pharm-a-grams,
They are pulling out the stops
And kicking out the jams.
Pharmacy profiling
Am I on their list?
Are they hunting down perps
Regarding meds that were missed,
Planning pointless punishments
For punks such as me,
Pharmacy profiling
Will be a catastrophe, you'll see.
Pharmacy profiling
I'm worried a bit,
Big Brother is watching
They're profiling my shit,
Luckily, I'm devious
Sneaky and sly,
Profiles be damned
Will be our battle cry!
Fibril_late;
5/15/09
So, what in the heck is Pharmacy up to, with their brand of profiling?!? I sure don't know, but I have at least one idea.
Pharmacy Profiling
Pharmacy profiling
Is the latest aberration,
Delivered by a department
Famous for obfuscation,
After numerous MERP alerts
And countless Pharm-a-grams,
They are pulling out the stops
And kicking out the jams.
Pharmacy profiling
Am I on their list?
Are they hunting down perps
Regarding meds that were missed,
Planning pointless punishments
For punks such as me,
Pharmacy profiling
Will be a catastrophe, you'll see.
Pharmacy profiling
I'm worried a bit,
Big Brother is watching
They're profiling my shit,
Luckily, I'm devious
Sneaky and sly,
Profiles be damned
Will be our battle cry!
Fibril_late;
5/15/09
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
A Poem Inside
When there's a poem inside
And it's sneaking out,
It might make a little squeak
Or exclaim with a shout,
Sometimes with a holler
At other times a whisper,
At times with a crunch
Like lettuce in a crisper.
It's very spontaneous
With a little assistance,
Words chosen at first
Take the path of least resistance,
With quite a few readings
The words sort themselves out,
I'm happy with the result
Or knock it over with a clout.
It might land in a trash-heap
With potato peels and rice,
Or find the desk of a publisher
Who turns out to be nice,
And in most cases the writing
Will find a way to be fun,
Just one page or two
And then it's all done
Fibril_late;
5/12/09
When there's a poem inside
And it's sneaking out,
It might make a little squeak
Or exclaim with a shout,
Sometimes with a holler
At other times a whisper,
At times with a crunch
Like lettuce in a crisper.
It's very spontaneous
With a little assistance,
Words chosen at first
Take the path of least resistance,
With quite a few readings
The words sort themselves out,
I'm happy with the result
Or knock it over with a clout.
It might land in a trash-heap
With potato peels and rice,
Or find the desk of a publisher
Who turns out to be nice,
And in most cases the writing
Will find a way to be fun,
Just one page or two
And then it's all done
Fibril_late;
5/12/09
Loose stools.........certainly a problem!
Loose Stools vs. Loose Schools
Part 1
I think I’ve discovered
The answer for the ages,
After studying diligently
Well over 5000 pages,
A query frequently posed
Regarding loose stools,
It originated I’ve discovered
From those days of loose schools.
All sorts of problems
Can be traced to those times,
And I assure you, it's difficult
Making all of these rhymes,
Regarding a topic like this
But I shall prevail,
Loose stools need a solution
There is no room to fail.
Fibril_late;
5/12/09
Loose Stools vs. Loose Schools
Part 1
I think I’ve discovered
The answer for the ages,
After studying diligently
Well over 5000 pages,
A query frequently posed
Regarding loose stools,
It originated I’ve discovered
From those days of loose schools.
All sorts of problems
Can be traced to those times,
And I assure you, it's difficult
Making all of these rhymes,
Regarding a topic like this
But I shall prevail,
Loose stools need a solution
There is no room to fail.
Fibril_late;
5/12/09
Dementia: out in left field, scrambled, discontinued, broken neuronal connections in the brain, and currently irreversible.
Into This Moment
Happily demented
You don’t know what you’ve missed,
Live the moment right now
Forget who you kissed,
You don’t know your daughter
Your husband or son,
You live the moment right now
And it all seems like fun.
Happily demented
You won’t realize that you’re lost,
You could shop every day
And never know what it cost,
So just sit on the porch
Reminiscing the past,
Time condensed into this moment
Until death, shall it last.
Fibril_late;
5/12/09
Into This Moment
Happily demented
You don’t know what you’ve missed,
Live the moment right now
Forget who you kissed,
You don’t know your daughter
Your husband or son,
You live the moment right now
And it all seems like fun.
Happily demented
You won’t realize that you’re lost,
You could shop every day
And never know what it cost,
So just sit on the porch
Reminiscing the past,
Time condensed into this moment
Until death, shall it last.
Fibril_late;
5/12/09
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
SNF - We pronounce it like the word "sniff". The abbreviation translates to "Skilled Nursing Facility". Sad to say, but long-term care facilities are commonly colonized, along with their patient population, by a vast variety of infectious, communicable cooties.
The C-diff Song
She came from the Sniff
With a case of C-diff
We weren't surprised
By that occurrence, not a bit,
Oh, but that smell, it did offend
Forever, without end
Just imagine 12 hours of that shit;
Any Nurse worth their salt
Would surely, ponder the gestalt
As if some evil apparition, dogged their trail,
Just by walking in the door
At eighteen-hundred, forty-four
They'd be dealt, the shit assignment, without fail;
They realize, it all depends
On humble beginnings and horrid ends
Who's in charge, the night they both will work together,
Because crappy assignments, seem to follow
With smiley platitudes that all ring hollow
It's just another night to bear the cross and leather;
Gown and mask, booties and glove
There's nothing better, when you're in love
Enjoy it, over and over, all night long,
When you get home, and notice the booties
You will feel like you're covered in cooties,
That's the way it goes, when you dance the C-diff song.
Fibril-late;
5/5/09
The C-diff Song
She came from the Sniff
With a case of C-diff
We weren't surprised
By that occurrence, not a bit,
Oh, but that smell, it did offend
Forever, without end
Just imagine 12 hours of that shit;
Any Nurse worth their salt
Would surely, ponder the gestalt
As if some evil apparition, dogged their trail,
Just by walking in the door
At eighteen-hundred, forty-four
They'd be dealt, the shit assignment, without fail;
They realize, it all depends
On humble beginnings and horrid ends
Who's in charge, the night they both will work together,
Because crappy assignments, seem to follow
With smiley platitudes that all ring hollow
It's just another night to bear the cross and leather;
Gown and mask, booties and glove
There's nothing better, when you're in love
Enjoy it, over and over, all night long,
When you get home, and notice the booties
You will feel like you're covered in cooties,
That's the way it goes, when you dance the C-diff song.
Fibril-late;
5/5/09
Monday, May 04, 2009
It has been a quiet stretch. Work has overwhelmed me with writable dilemma's; however, it took a walk through academia to spark my muse.
*Look, I don't make up sentences like the following.........I leave it to my peers - read within the brackets: (I only respond in rhyme)
["In consideration of our current shortage of nurses and consequent heavy workloads, we cannot afford to adopt new practices, unless they are evidence based"]
and furthermore,
["Evidence-based guidelines can serve as a catalyst for knowledge translation to the clinical arena"].
Come-on, what the FUBAR, are these bumps talking about regarding "knowledge translation", huh? Just think a while on it......
Evidenced Based
Evidenced based
HooRah, HooRay,
Do what the experts say
Tomorrow, today,
They are the ones
Who decide what we do,
But I don't really know them
Any better than you.
Quality control
Based on the best,
They said, they did more than
One thousand plus test,
Who am I to question
I'm just the nurse,
If it screws up, what then?
Of course, I bear the curse!
Evidenced based?
They didn't ask me, not ever,
Perhaps, 25 years
Was not enough to say I'm clever,
After all, I'm not a researcher
I don't have the degrees,
I'm just an AA, RN
Gesundheit! Did you sneeze?
Evidenced based?
It carries some meaning,
Although, I am not sure
Just exactly who they're screening,
The Nurse, or the patient
It's not terribly clear,
I guess, I will know
If I'm fired some year.
Fibril_late;
5/4/09
*Look, I don't make up sentences like the following.........I leave it to my peers - read within the brackets: (I only respond in rhyme)
["In consideration of our current shortage of nurses and consequent heavy workloads, we cannot afford to adopt new practices, unless they are evidence based"]
and furthermore,
["Evidence-based guidelines can serve as a catalyst for knowledge translation to the clinical arena"].
Come-on, what the FUBAR, are these bumps talking about regarding "knowledge translation", huh? Just think a while on it......
Evidenced Based
Evidenced based
HooRah, HooRay,
Do what the experts say
Tomorrow, today,
They are the ones
Who decide what we do,
But I don't really know them
Any better than you.
Quality control
Based on the best,
They said, they did more than
One thousand plus test,
Who am I to question
I'm just the nurse,
If it screws up, what then?
Of course, I bear the curse!
Evidenced based?
They didn't ask me, not ever,
Perhaps, 25 years
Was not enough to say I'm clever,
After all, I'm not a researcher
I don't have the degrees,
I'm just an AA, RN
Gesundheit! Did you sneeze?
Evidenced based?
It carries some meaning,
Although, I am not sure
Just exactly who they're screening,
The Nurse, or the patient
It's not terribly clear,
I guess, I will know
If I'm fired some year.
Fibril_late;
5/4/09
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
The Joint Commission is on the way. Hide the food and coffee cups. Cross your eye's and microdot your tea. Resistance is futile.
JC Blues
The Joint Commission
Is now in session,
Waiting to hear
Our collective confession,
Of all our mistakes
The foibles and flaws,
With a justified punishment
For every cause.
The Joint Commission
Is a devious delegation,
Recording secret notes
Derived from information,
We so generously shared
In the spirit of humanity,
Historically, their pickiness
Borders on insanity.
These cretins from JCAH
Will be changing their name,
They sought counsel above
With a bigger player in the game,
They’re wearing white collars
And counting sandalwood beads,
Come children, to Joint Confession
We’ll absolve your evil deeds.
Fibril_late;
4/21/09
JC Blues
The Joint Commission
Is now in session,
Waiting to hear
Our collective confession,
Of all our mistakes
The foibles and flaws,
With a justified punishment
For every cause.
The Joint Commission
Is a devious delegation,
Recording secret notes
Derived from information,
We so generously shared
In the spirit of humanity,
Historically, their pickiness
Borders on insanity.
These cretins from JCAH
Will be changing their name,
They sought counsel above
With a bigger player in the game,
They’re wearing white collars
And counting sandalwood beads,
Come children, to Joint Confession
We’ll absolve your evil deeds.
Fibril_late;
4/21/09
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Oh bother; here comes ye olde Joint Commission, on their rounds again. Hmmmm, wouldn't it be wonderful if they were what their name implies? A commission dealing with joints? You know........weed, marijuana and the like.
A Giant Doobie
The coming Joint Commission
Will look for your omissions,
In other words
If you don’t commit,
The Joint Commission
Will give you shit.
What I’d like to see
From the Joint Commission,
Is a giant doobie
To smoke, while fishin’,
Because that is what
Their name implies,
Some righteous weed
With burgers and fries.
Fibril_late;
4/18/09
A Giant Doobie
The coming Joint Commission
Will look for your omissions,
In other words
If you don’t commit,
The Joint Commission
Will give you shit.
What I’d like to see
From the Joint Commission,
Is a giant doobie
To smoke, while fishin’,
Because that is what
Their name implies,
Some righteous weed
With burgers and fries.
Fibril_late;
4/18/09
Friday, April 17, 2009
Emergency Departments the world over, are dangerous places to be. Heck, if you're in California, you just might want to drive over the hill to Nevada; no sales tax and more.
Just Stay Home
When you’re lodged in the ED
For hours and hours,
And the Doctor won’t order
More than one whiskey-sour,
The thing you must do
Is to claim you see bugs,
They’ll think you’re in DT’s
And they’ll give you some drugs.
For one reason or other
People seem to get worse,
In that dungeon of an E.R.
It’s an unholy curse,
And in this litigious time
Of frivolous law,
You’ll have everything scanned
From your arse to your jaw.
My advice, to Joe Public
If you’re sick, just stay home,
Put on a pot of tea
With a dash of mondo-foam,
You’ll be floating to Nirvana
With all your parts intact,
If you insist on coming to the hospital
Your system may be hacked.
Fibril_late;
4/17/09
Just Stay Home
When you’re lodged in the ED
For hours and hours,
And the Doctor won’t order
More than one whiskey-sour,
The thing you must do
Is to claim you see bugs,
They’ll think you’re in DT’s
And they’ll give you some drugs.
For one reason or other
People seem to get worse,
In that dungeon of an E.R.
It’s an unholy curse,
And in this litigious time
Of frivolous law,
You’ll have everything scanned
From your arse to your jaw.
My advice, to Joe Public
If you’re sick, just stay home,
Put on a pot of tea
With a dash of mondo-foam,
You’ll be floating to Nirvana
With all your parts intact,
If you insist on coming to the hospital
Your system may be hacked.
Fibril_late;
4/17/09
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Sometimes it's easy to understand why Nurses drop out of their career, and don't look back. One of those reasons, revolves around one's "bad luck" in the assignment of care, for the days work. Frankly, this is a testy subject, because it may seem like your Charge Nurse is a bully, or just plain brain-dead; a person who doesn't give a snot about how heavy an assignment they are dealing you, for your 8 or 12-hour shift.
Or possibly, you are enlightened like myself, and figure, it must be due to some cosmic, astrological, karmic, evil-mojo-spirit-demon, hovering just behind my back, and stabbing me repeatedly, with an ebola saturated cactus spline, into my first chakra. Then it all becomes perfectly clear; kill, or be killed!
Assignment Misalignment
Certainly, there will be times
When you question your assignment,
You will ponder your earthly Karma
And your astrological alignment,
But any actions beyond that
Are but, futile wasted motion,
One round of work, is like a drop of rain
In your entire Nursing ocean.
Like the travails of early explorers
With tests of other-worldly endurance,
Horrendous shifts of reckless mayhem
Have a cyclic frightening occurrence,
You never know when your number is up
Though some attest, they can feel a vibe,
From finely honed, critical thinking skills
And genetic memory of the tribe.
About the time, when you’re thinking
You've had your very worst night,
The Grim Reaper is chuckling
Think again, you’re in for a fright,
Because I have recently cooked up
The worst, frickin' assignment,
After tonight, you'll know misery
And need a karmic realignment.
Your shift will be so horrid
Like a nightmare you're dreaming,
And after only two hours
You'll be silently screaming,
One hour more, you'll be cussing a blue-streak
Four-letter words, by and large,
Promising heaps of bad mojo
Upon the head of the Nurse who's in charge.
You wonder if there was a memo
From your commander (who lacks all refinements),
During 2009, give old BillyBob
The most god-awful, frightening assignments,
Test his mettle, let's see if he's breakable
After all, he's a pain in the neck,
Yet you know, beyond a reasonable doubt
They're expecting you to pick up the check.
Fibril_late;
4/16/09
Or possibly, you are enlightened like myself, and figure, it must be due to some cosmic, astrological, karmic, evil-mojo-spirit-demon, hovering just behind my back, and stabbing me repeatedly, with an ebola saturated cactus spline, into my first chakra. Then it all becomes perfectly clear; kill, or be killed!
Assignment Misalignment
Certainly, there will be times
When you question your assignment,
You will ponder your earthly Karma
And your astrological alignment,
But any actions beyond that
Are but, futile wasted motion,
One round of work, is like a drop of rain
In your entire Nursing ocean.
Like the travails of early explorers
With tests of other-worldly endurance,
Horrendous shifts of reckless mayhem
Have a cyclic frightening occurrence,
You never know when your number is up
Though some attest, they can feel a vibe,
From finely honed, critical thinking skills
And genetic memory of the tribe.
About the time, when you’re thinking
You've had your very worst night,
The Grim Reaper is chuckling
Think again, you’re in for a fright,
Because I have recently cooked up
The worst, frickin' assignment,
After tonight, you'll know misery
And need a karmic realignment.
Your shift will be so horrid
Like a nightmare you're dreaming,
And after only two hours
You'll be silently screaming,
One hour more, you'll be cussing a blue-streak
Four-letter words, by and large,
Promising heaps of bad mojo
Upon the head of the Nurse who's in charge.
You wonder if there was a memo
From your commander (who lacks all refinements),
During 2009, give old BillyBob
The most god-awful, frightening assignments,
Test his mettle, let's see if he's breakable
After all, he's a pain in the neck,
Yet you know, beyond a reasonable doubt
They're expecting you to pick up the check.
Fibril_late;
4/16/09
Thursday, April 09, 2009
You don't want to know what drove me to this........................it is too horrid to tell.
The "Slime and Phlegm Triumvirate"
1. Slime and Phlegm
Slime and Phlegm would hang out
At Billy-Bob's on Main,
Mucus-Masters in their own right
Always poised to slime your brain;
You could never accuse those bad boys
Of ever carrying a decent scent,
In fact wherever Slime and Phlegm were found
Their buddy, Mal Odorous also went.
Could any redeeming qualities
Be found, amongst these two?
Well if you can imagine those by-gone days
Before the discovery of Super-Glue,
And the Industrial complications
When two surfaces wouldn't adhere,
Versus the serendipitous clinginess
When Slime and Phlegm were near.
Indeed, those were the incubation days
For the mother of invention,
It all began in High School
Where the rowdy bunch met in Detention,
For flinging phlegm and slimers
At young ladies, in their class,
And the seeds of ingenuity
Were bubbling out their ass.
2. They Were Known
Some thought Slime and Phlegm were twins
But that's not the way it was,
Some proposed they were from the same neighborhood
Exactly why, who knows, or just because,
They both were known to slink around
Dark alleys or outback places,
Dropping in unexpectedly
Upon unsuspecting faces,
They were known to keep company
More with adolescents or kids,
With a general lack of untidiness
What was sliding, would be on the skids.
Slime and Phlegm were best of friends
But at times, they wished for three,
Easily bored, they'd scream at each other
"Oh Bro', you are boring me";
Now both, do look back fondly
Remembering the wonderful day,
They were hanging out at the putrid pits
When Snot came out to play,
You couldn't have picked a happier bunch
This slippery, sticky trio,
Whether in Pelican Bay or Folsom
San Quentin or Camarillo.
3. Nothing Left To Chance
It's really hard to say
If yonder Phlegm is my friend,
Surely, he's a sticky kind of guy
But you never know, how it will end.
Can one posit a preposition?
The superlatives, the pro's and cons,
About the subtraction or the addition
The historical figures in nickel-bronze,
Because there must be some deeper meaning
Some enduring value, in its place,
Perhaps there are some redeeming features
When it's stuck all over your face,
Possibly, it is no coincidence
That in the middle of your face, is your nose.
Shielding you from the wicked winds
And brutal ice and snows.
And once again I've detoured
On the road, that's called my journey,
Kind of like planning to be a Doctor
And ending up as an Attorney,
Parallels can be found
And this is one of them,
I've ended up with Slime
When I started out with Phlegm.
Some will find the topic
Too gross to contemplate,
And admonish me, dear Sir
Don't you know that I just ate,
I will apologize sincerely
But continue with my dance,
When you deal with Slime and Phlegm
There is nothing left to chance.
With retrospective analysis
You could say their point is well made,
Slime and Phlegm are so unique
And so few would dare to trade,
But those of us, who are in the know
Revere them in abject wonder,
Slime and Phlegm, can not be trifled with
Or surely, you will rue your blunder.
Fibril_late;
4/9/09
The "Slime and Phlegm Triumvirate"
1. Slime and Phlegm
Slime and Phlegm would hang out
At Billy-Bob's on Main,
Mucus-Masters in their own right
Always poised to slime your brain;
You could never accuse those bad boys
Of ever carrying a decent scent,
In fact wherever Slime and Phlegm were found
Their buddy, Mal Odorous also went.
Could any redeeming qualities
Be found, amongst these two?
Well if you can imagine those by-gone days
Before the discovery of Super-Glue,
And the Industrial complications
When two surfaces wouldn't adhere,
Versus the serendipitous clinginess
When Slime and Phlegm were near.
Indeed, those were the incubation days
For the mother of invention,
It all began in High School
Where the rowdy bunch met in Detention,
For flinging phlegm and slimers
At young ladies, in their class,
And the seeds of ingenuity
Were bubbling out their ass.
2. They Were Known
Some thought Slime and Phlegm were twins
But that's not the way it was,
Some proposed they were from the same neighborhood
Exactly why, who knows, or just because,
They both were known to slink around
Dark alleys or outback places,
Dropping in unexpectedly
Upon unsuspecting faces,
They were known to keep company
More with adolescents or kids,
With a general lack of untidiness
What was sliding, would be on the skids.
Slime and Phlegm were best of friends
But at times, they wished for three,
Easily bored, they'd scream at each other
"Oh Bro', you are boring me";
Now both, do look back fondly
Remembering the wonderful day,
They were hanging out at the putrid pits
When Snot came out to play,
You couldn't have picked a happier bunch
This slippery, sticky trio,
Whether in Pelican Bay or Folsom
San Quentin or Camarillo.
3. Nothing Left To Chance
It's really hard to say
If yonder Phlegm is my friend,
Surely, he's a sticky kind of guy
But you never know, how it will end.
Can one posit a preposition?
The superlatives, the pro's and cons,
About the subtraction or the addition
The historical figures in nickel-bronze,
Because there must be some deeper meaning
Some enduring value, in its place,
Perhaps there are some redeeming features
When it's stuck all over your face,
Possibly, it is no coincidence
That in the middle of your face, is your nose.
Shielding you from the wicked winds
And brutal ice and snows.
And once again I've detoured
On the road, that's called my journey,
Kind of like planning to be a Doctor
And ending up as an Attorney,
Parallels can be found
And this is one of them,
I've ended up with Slime
When I started out with Phlegm.
Some will find the topic
Too gross to contemplate,
And admonish me, dear Sir
Don't you know that I just ate,
I will apologize sincerely
But continue with my dance,
When you deal with Slime and Phlegm
There is nothing left to chance.
With retrospective analysis
You could say their point is well made,
Slime and Phlegm are so unique
And so few would dare to trade,
But those of us, who are in the know
Revere them in abject wonder,
Slime and Phlegm, can not be trifled with
Or surely, you will rue your blunder.
Fibril_late;
4/9/09
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