Over-Sixty Developments

 

Two Bladders

Old men grow another bladder
And I think they ought to be gladder,
They pee like an old horse
For a three minute span,
And then five minutes later
They can do it again.

At first it seems annoying
But one must take it in stride,
Except for those times
If you have just hitched a ride,
With your neighbor next door
His name is Lance,
He asks why you are wiggling
And holding your pants.

Ya see, he doesn't know
That forty years from now,
He will grow another bladder
And don't ask me how,
Because it JUST happens
When you get to be sixty-two,
So, shut your trap Lance
It's bound to happen to you.

Intermediate Explanations

 

My cardiologist is aware that I worked in Electrophysiology for six years and cardiac nursing for eons. Unfortunately, he still has a tendency to explain things like I'm a 3rd grader and in general, never really answers the questions I pose. Sure, I understand that the average consumer he sees in the clinic doesn't know jack about their health conditions. I'm sure he tells them that everything will be fine, don't worry, the tests were inconclusive and just take your medicines (all the same stuff he told me too).

It is frustrating talking to doctors
That are incapable of teaching at an intermediate level,
Just imagine hiring a home construction expert
Who cannot explain the functionality of the bevel,
He might say he needs the bubble
In the middle chamber of the tool,
To prove  the floor is horizontal
Now that's a babbling fool.

I asked my cardiologist about a finding
On my most recent cardiac echo,
He got off track as quickly
As a hot-footed gecko,
I was hoping for an explanation
Regarding age related cardiac dynamics,
I may have well asked him about 
Spinning clay and molding ceramics.

His chosen explanation
Was that echo readings might be different on any given day,
Depending on the technician
Volume status and other factors in play,
It was a wonderful explanation
Regarding details of which I am already well versed,
But he certainly didn't answer my questions
And believe me, this time was not the first.

We also talked about my new arrhythmia
And again he obfuscated,
He said a lot of people have a lot of PACs
Yep, explanations like that are clearly outdated,
I was hoping for more technical details
Regarding the tachycardia mechanism
and impulse location,
But a snapshot 48-hour 2-lead Holter test
Is the simplest of readings without innovation.

He said persons with atrial ectopic beats 
Are treated with beta blockers,
Well that's great since I've been taking them for 15 years
I have enough of them stored in lockers,
He said I could titrate the dosage
Which I am already doing,
Yes, this is like an old piece of gum that I'm chewing.

At the end of my appointment 
He seemed very happy that he had addressed all of my queries,
He invited me back in four months
And maybe I'll bring him some chocolate cherries,
Because he's a really nice guy 
And obviously a very good explainer,
As long as one is willing to put up with
A silly simple answer and that's a no-brainer.

Capsule Endoscopy

 

Most of anything I have posted here has been about the situations I experienced while working as a nurse, and rarely about myself. However, now and then I have undergone an illness or invasive procedure and usually I can find some humorous observance regarding the experience. I can say, that this Endoscopy was way easier than the Upper and Lower scoping I had 18 months ago.

Capsule Endoscopy
It was really quite easy,
Although swallowing that thing
Made me feel queasy,
But has it come out yet?
I'm not sure, I can’t tell,
That's a rare complication
Is what they say; what the hell?

I look in the toilet bowl
Because I'm that kind of chap,
Looking carefully at the residues
In the plethora of crap,
And now it's three days later
The evidence is unclear,
Just where did that capsule go?
I hope it comes out this year.