Parking-lot Attendant; it's a dirty job, but someone has to do it. Right? And if you have never gotten a ticket, lucky you. The rest of us citizens, have special words for their species and I can't reveal them here. But I can rant and rave to my hearts content.

Exhaust Sucking Meatheads

I'm a hard working serf
For a local employer,
It's been a fine place to work
But now I need a good lawyer,
Because the parking-lot attendants
Have gone one step too far,
Those power hungry gnats
Have ticketed my car.

It's a typical situation
For powerless peons,
A self esteem vacuum
That's gone on for eons,
They're assigned special uniforms
With pseudo regalia,
A flashlight and notepad
And other paraphernalia,
They're at the bottom of the barrel
In the hierarchy tower,
Groveling for a sense
Of fictional power.

I pay my monthly dues
Like clockwork, on time,
I never break the speed limit
And I stop on a dime,
But those exhaust sucking meatheads
Are hot on my trail,
And if I don't pay this ticket
I might go to jail.

To be honest with you
I'm not the last to admit,
That our local parking problem
Is a big crock of shit,
Big brother is charging us
A leg and an arm,
Exploiting us peons
While we work on his farm;
Why not gouge the customers
Like we do in the store,
Get them coming and going
For ten dollars more.

This city is famous
For its lung wrenching air,
I participate in a car pool
Because I'm environmentally aware,
But as drivers, we receive
A group parking I.D.,
It's the crux of the problem
Why they ticketed me;
There is no provision
If I'm working overtime,
There will be no compromise
From these parking-lot slime,
If I'm driving alone
Without the parking pass,
The scum of the earth attendants
Will ticket my ass.

If any one knows
A lawyer without scruples,
I want to mortgage their souls
And gouge out their pupils,
But I won't stop there
I'll take it to the ceiling,
Until the bureaucratic bigwigs
Are ticketed and squealing.

Fibril_late; 8/98