Sunday, December 25, 2016

Shot of Ice

"Siri, shoot me some ice!"

For the patient who is asking every 5-10 minutes for some ice to satisfy their water cravings. (typically when they are NPO or fluid restricted).

The device could be set for time intervals, or number of spoonfuls.

Automatic spoonful of ice injector. Hangs from ceiling or is a shelf unit. It might look like a movie projector. Pull the trigger and it drops ice into clients mouth. Alternate delivery where a red laser targets patient's mouth, and device shoots tiny barrel shaped ice-cubes their way.

Side benefit: Range-of-motion exercise for patient's head and neck.

Best benefit: Nurse doesn't have to go in room every ten minutes to deal with whiny patient.

There's a brand new gadget
A medical device,
It will solve a problem
At a reasonable price,
A germ of an idea
That sprouted and grew,
After consulting
With thousands of you.

In the hospital setting
There are certain reasons,
We withhold fluids
Even in the rainy season,
Except for meds,
Makes patients crazy
Jacked up in their beds.

A genius idea
Came to me,
After 30 years
Of singing la-dee-dee,
As patients whined
And threatened with violence,
Why, even an ice-chip
Would provide us with silence.

After mulling ideas
And asking advice,
I have finally released
The "Shot of Ice",
A revolutionary tool
With multiple uses,
No no need to fall back
On ridiculous excuses.

Set-up is simple
Quick and easy,
It has a high-tech look
Nothing cheesy,
Plug it in, turn it on
Just follow directions,
One minute or less
It's ready for ejections.

Have the patient hold still
To adjust aim and distance,
Or set it on automatic, for
The path of least resistance,
It can be voice actuated
With timing controls,
Adjust by the teaspoon
Or set it on, "Bowls".

The patient can choose
What they say, for the trigger,
Like, "hit me again, baby
But this time, something bigger",
Or maybe a whistle
A clap or a moan,
For the technocrats
There's an app for the phone.

"Siri, hit me up
I want to roll the dice,
Shoot me, babe
With some flavored ice!"

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