Saturday, December 31, 2016

Medical Martial Arts

I am not really a sports fan, but do watch an occasional sporty thing on TV. The big, most recent ridiculous fight of MMA women, (knock out in 48 seconds), is over now and I'm glad I missed it. However, that knockout chick got $3 million bucks, so apparently it's better than a Nurse fighting it out night after night in an Emergency Room.

Healthcare workers are commonly injured when encountering confused, drug addled, mentally unstable, demented, damaged individuals. Because of this factual premise, much that I write, is an attempt to cast a humorous alternate view of what is really going on. Some have labelled my stuff as "sick humor" at the expense of the patient (and family), who can not defend themselves. Quite frankly, we who are in direct contact with the crazed and confused, are not allowed to defend ourselves. We are the ones truly being hurt, sometimes receiving career ending physical injuries.

Heck, I may as well blame all my crazy writing on the kick-to-the-head, brain swelling concussion I received in 1993, at the bedside during a Swan Ganz insertion.

Mixed Martial Arts, Cage fighting in the Octagon, Muay Thai;
this is the analogy I am presenting, to explain what it feels like to be a Nurse.

Crazed and confused
For whatever reason,
Perhaps a teen on PCP
During the football season,
Ends up in the hospital
After a victory celebration,
A dope on dope
With alcohol inebriation.

Naturally combative
Flailing about,
We try to restrain
Then he passes out,
No longer breathing
Emergency! Action!,
Shove a tube in his lungs
Much to our satisfaction.

Quick, get the Propofol
And place him in restraints,
The danger is real
Expect family complaints,
How we tied up boy Billy
Who is gentle and kind,
While his U-tox is positive
For drugs of every kind.

Yep, it's Medical Martial Arts
In the E. R. tonight,
Luckily, not one of us
Were injured in the fight.

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