Thursday, June 26, 2014


Get the job done; rescue the babe, prevent death. Simple and succinct; 30 years of proof.

I'm not the most
Compliant sort,
I break the rules
I do report,
Shave the corners
Skim the till,
If I can get away with it
Yes, I will.

I get the job done
Fast and quick,
Why, should I waste time
If you are sick,
You need a fix
Right away, right now,
I'm the road-runner
Not the cow.

So, mooooove on over
If you're in my way,
Pick up the pieces
I toss from the sleigh,
Study and sort
Why they weren't needed,
Thank your goodness
That I interceded.

We can tally what's missing
To make pretty how it looks,
As I deliver great results
And gently cook the books.


Friday, June 20, 2014

Dental Dana 29

That Dental Dana
Sure is foxy,
I'm gonna stick to her
Like good epoxy,
Because she has what it takes
To get me to floss,
And I  love those dresses
She buys at Ross.

Dental Dana
She's quite the number,
I may look like sawdust
But I feel like lumber,
Every time I'm seated
In that Dental chair,
My eyes do follow her

She shakes her head
Then dulls her tools,
She knows what to do
For us silly fools,
Who always make trouble
When she is around,
Dental Dana is dangerous
That's what I found.


Thursday, June 19, 2014


Inexperienced = Dangerous

What nonsense, this decision
To assign to the neophyte,
Be the Bronchoscopy nurse
Like a boxer in his first fight,
Who has had no previous training
What's there to know? just make a fist,
Well, the Doctor surely noticed
And he was properly pissed.

Sure, I knew about it yesterday
When Mother made that dumb decision,
And she wasn't even here today
To see the failure of her vision,
And her favorite little newbie
Won't speak up, to say, "Not me,
I know that I'm not qualified
I've never done it, can't you see?"

What a team they make, these two
This mother and her son,
The two of them are dangerous
When all is said and done,
She can not see his weakness
And he say's "yes", to everything,
Boldly going, where he should not
While mother coos and sings.

When I arrived, the Doctor fumed
And spoke his pretty piece,
I totally agreed with him
About the boiling grease,
Then I volunteered my services
For the next Bronchoscopy,
An expert for that procedure
Of course, that would be me.

Advanced airway skills?; check
Expert Cardiac, of course,
Highly trained in procedural sedation
I could anesthetize a horse,
Code-Blue master, of renown
A crash and burn magician,
Or just assign, the newbie nurse
Ya, that's our public mission.

Well, there were no complications
At Bronchoscopy number one,
But I'm sure if that had happened
Mother, would still have coddled her son.


Thursday, June 05, 2014

Buccal Fever

I derive no pleasure having my teeth cleaned, except hanging out with a hot little number, known as Dental Dana.

Dental Dana 26

Dental Dana
Sweet as ever,
I’m her fulcrum
And she’s the lever,
Plying her tools
On my teeth and gums,
She’s probably thinking
I’m real dumb.

I never seem to floss enough,
My Tartar buildup
Is Dodge Ram tough,
With crowded teeth
And inflammation,
She must think
I’m an aberration.

First that Ultrasonic
Scaling screech,
Then she buffed my teeth
With household bleach,
Causing a cataclysmic
Buccal clench,
Oh, Dental Dana
What a wench!

Dental Dana 27

Dental Dana
Is at the top of my list,
Of the sweetest girls
I never kissed.

When she leans over me
With her scented mask,
I can hardly manage
To stay on task,
I’m not supposed
To move at all,
I’m dependent on
Her beck and call.

“Turn your head
Now, clench your jaw”,
While I’m dreaming of carrots
And all things raw,
Yes, that Dana
Gets me overthinking,
It’s no wonder
I go home, start drinking.

To the nth degree,
It slows me down
Like a cold iced-knee,
Brings me back
To my senses, man,
‘Twas just a teeth cleaning
I better stick to the plan.

Keeping my eye
On that hygiene chick,
Watching every single
Flick of her Bic,
Planning my next move
Four months from now,
Today was a bust
See you later, and Ciao.


Dental Dana 28

Dental Dana
Gave me a frown,
Busted my molar
And stole my crown,
Then, she called me
A nasty pest,
Because she leaned over
And I bit her breast.

I couldn’t help it
I was in pain,
They didn’t give me
The Novocaine,
No laughing gas
Or acupuncture,
So I was desperate
At that juncture.

She got close to me
And I took a bite,
I didn’t know if
It was day or night,
In that dental chair,
But she really screamed
When I pulled her hair.

Dental Dana
She’s a ball of fire,
I begged her, Honey
Don’t ever retire,
Because every time we meet
It’s an exciting event,
In the future, could you possibly
Give consent?


Wednesday, June 04, 2014


I have a family
Yes, way out here,
In the hinterlands
Of Nursing, dear,
We know each other
Thru deeds we done,
A lot of misery
But we had fun.

Shared laughs between
Our brethren, yes,
Under the bridge
We shared duress,
And now we approach
The other side,
To me, it has been
A helluva ride.

When I cross over
I won't compare,
To Billy-Bob
He's over there,
Keeping an eye on me
He knows, what I done,
The best that I could
And it included fun.


Tuesday, June 03, 2014

Knock on Wood

Underside Bob, people call for me all day long........and I am not exaggerating. Heck, even the patient's notice everyone is calling for me to solve some sort of thing. I just hope they're not calling me other nasty stuff. Not because of my feelings.........screw that..........I just want to be helpful.

Hazing, in Nursing
It happens all the time,
Every where I have worked
This industrial crime,
Some have labelled it
Eating our young,
I hope, I haven't done it
Though I'm sure my words have stung.........

Only after the 10th time
I offered the same instruction,
I admit, I have a hard time
Watching potential destruction,
While trying to be unobtrusive
Mentoring, as is my role,
Preceptorship is part of it
Lego-blocks becoming whole.

I hope they never said
The reason, they finally gave up,
Was because Underside Bob
Kept dumping out their cup.

There have been times
When I had to block a motion,
Where safety and outcomes
Would be destroyed with your potion,
But then, I offered options
Other choices, on the menu,
You would be praised as the smart one
Acting in this venue.

From early on I've played
The fearless, go-to guy,
Diving right in
When things have gone awry,
While knowing my boundaries
And gathering the facts,
A couple of extra Aces?
Of course, my deck is stacked!

And my role as an expert
Is to make you look good,
Don't be oversensitive
Praise is coming; knock on wood!


Speaking in Greek

Unwinding? I read a variety of news sources. This has nothing to do with "keeping up" with ordinary life or politics. It's all about the foibles of humanity; something about seeing how bad WE can be. Realizing that we are below the level of most animals on this beautiful planet. Where life is all just one combo thing. It brings me back to the Zero of all things. Existence.

An insatiable appetite
For news, but not really,
I use it for distraction
Beyond the touchy feely,
Part of every workday
Where I'm saturated in the now;
Inside of my mind, all of that
When I'm dragging the daily plow.

Sure, I stay up late
Drinking a glass of wine, or two,
Reminds me of a few good friends
Where we share our Nursing view,
Celebrating properly
We're still alive and aware,
Knowing too much, in our own way
Human service-providers, our job to care.

We talk about those things that we know
Comrades in arms, so to speak,
Talk to family about this?
Would be like speaking in Greek.


Sunday, June 01, 2014

Frivolous Fluff

More about them
Too much about me,
When I read what I’ve written
That’s what I see,
So, let me return
To the old days of yore,
When stories were fun
And not such a chore.

Where is the funny?
That I used to write,
Perhaps it was driven
By, working at night,
When my sleep deprived brain
Unearthed silly stuff,
Nonsense behaviors
And frivolous fluff.

We’ve all become so serious
In our responsible society,
No more room for silly pranks
And Steve, had such variety,
Like the fake video camera
Made from the toilet paper roll,
Do that now, I’d lose my license
And I’d be busting rocks of coal.

50 milliliter syringes
Were the best for water fights,
Silly jokes with the morgue cart
On the busiest of nights,
Frisbee in the hallways
In Radiology, what a hoot,
Do any of that today?
By golly, you’d get the boot.

I used to post my writings
On the wall, for all to see,
No one was offended
Other nurses, just like me,
Because I wrote about the day to day
The things we shared together,
I can not do that anymore
There’s been a horrid change of weather.

Political corrected-ness
Has buried us in crap,
Worse than the “Charcoal Stools”
That landed in my lap,
Way back in crazy yesteryear
When I launched, the Underside,
Zero-Tolerance nonsense
Has become America’s bride.

The EMR computer folks
They audit us, oh yes they do,
Reminders on a monthly basis
For Billy-Bob and Mary Lou,
About the things we left out
These are reprimands, and never praise,
Insinuating, with a shrug and smile
Why we rarely get a raise.

The joke is on us
We stuck around too long,
Yet, new Nurses can’t get hired
To replace the Geriatric throng,
Of grumpy curmudgeons
Who aren’t afraid to speak out,
Registered Nurse experts
We don’t whimper and pout.

Healthcare in general
Is safer, for Public Joe,
But for the Nurse in the field
It’s a tough row to hoe,
Thus proving, it’s too hard
To have fun at work, any more,
Just writing about it
Seems like a chore.

But still, I can’t quit
And neither will Steve,
Somewhere there’s a prank
That we must play, before we leave,
Short-sheeting a bed
Goldfish in the new pond,
That’s what I’m planning
Before I greet the great beyond.