Friday, October 19, 2018

Halloweenish


Well, I'm in a bloody good mood lately, feeling like I should bite someones neck, and it is the Halloween season after all. Thus, I'm inspired by vampires and blood donations.

Blood Supply

I have read a lot
Of vampire books,
Depends on the author
Just how vampires look,
But there's a general consensus
Regarding aging, and such?
You'll be frozen at the age
Of your vampiric touch.

The rumor is
That they bite your neck,
A lot more vigorous
Than the little peck,
That you got from Eunice
Back in the fourth grade,
Ya, her mother was a vampire
And that's why you're afraid.

Historically vampires
Get a bad rap,
You may have heard about silver
Crosses and crap,
Designed to repel
Your friendly neck biter,
Every vampire I've met
Was a heck of an inviter.

Well, I suppose that is necessary
To maintain the blood supply,
It has a short shelf life
Because even blood will die,
And they don't bite the dead
So, your chances are good,
How best to avoid a bite?
Wear a chain-mail hood.

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Blood Donation


I donated blood yesterday and here is what happened.
(In the event that you may be following this blog, my encounter with the blood chick, turned into something like when I visit with Dental Dana).
Who would ever think that donating blood could be so.....................delicious!

Rachel
That woman, she took my blood,
When I swooned
I fell with a thud,
Awoke light-headed
Like a spinning jenny,
Not only my blood
But the blood of many.

Rachel
Caught my eye at first,
Before I understood her thirst,
No, I won't argue
She was really cute,
I needed to see her....
I was resolute.

Rachel
Looks so young, that kid,
When I came to donate
She had the highest bid,
And now I'm drained
I guess; good to the last drop,
Rachel, I begged
Oh please, don't stop.

Rachel
So caring, she held my hand,
After I swooned
I could no longer stand,
I was laid on the gurney
And they lowered my head,
I was too weak to grasp
To pull her onto my bed.

Rachel
She stood to the side,
I caught a little smirk
Plus a wink, and I sighed,
Knowing, she tried to drain me
I guess I have a good taste,
She whispered in my ear:
"To the last drop; I mustn't waste".



Thursday, October 04, 2018

Don't try to sue me


Gotta do something when I retire.

Don't Try to Sue Me

Here's a plan
When I retire,
Publish those books
And set the world on fire,
With all my funnies
And juvenile humor,
Silly as vomit
And bold as a tumor.

Amazing insights
Regarding amputations,
Ridiculous rhymes
And ambiguations,
Touching stories
Regarding life and death,
Spirits in the closet
And the Grim Reaper's breath.

There is a lot to cover
And I think I did,
I worked like a man
And thought like a kid,
Did my best to respect
Joe Bob and his cousins,
See, they looked kind of inbred
With children by the dozens.

There was Billy Bob Borko
And sweet Betty Lou,
Sister Euphemia
To name just a few,
Of the colorful characters
Whose paths I have crossed,
Most of them winners
Although a few of them lost.

I followed most guidelines
But stretched a few rules,
Some protocols, dear reader
Have been written by fools,
Who rarely endeavored
Into the milieu of reality,
Where the evidence of poor science
Might lead to fatality.

Am I an expert?
I don't claim to be,
But I do write with clarity
Regarding things that I see,
Armed with continuous
Ongoing education,
Regarding areas of interest
To support my reputation.

If I can be an inspiration
Let it be known, that I cared,
Regarding expertise
And the knowledge that I shared,
And always willing to work hard
In any kind of conditions,
Admirable traits
Outside of personal ambitions.

Well, I will keep writing
About the usual baloney,
The whackified truth
Not fake and not phony,
And yes, I hide names
So don't try to sue me,
Take your business elsewhere
And stop acting gloomy.

Tuesday, October 02, 2018

Nurse Centered Care


Patient-Centric Care. By golly, that sure does sound good, and I bet there are hundreds of papers and studies all wrapped around that feel-good concept. But let's talk reality! In the ICU and Recovery Room, we are talking Nurse-Centric Care. As in: The Nurse runs the show, knows what is best, and don't screw with us, if you want to see Joe Bob walking down the healing road to recovery.

Maybe that's how we old gunslingers see the world. We anachronisms of the old west, firing our pistols off, just to hear the big bang, and to smell the gunpowder. Who cares; I'm unplugging soon.
Just don't get it into your heads, that I'll stop writing about this, ok?

Not To Speak

After general anesthesia
Short term memory rules,
As you begin to wake up
You'll be missing some tools,
And may ask the same question
Over and over again,
We'll repeat the same answer
Like a stuttering hen.

In respect to the family
There are three things, not to speak,
Don't ask Jerry if he has pain
Or if he has to take a leak,
And most of all, never
Ask if he is nauseated,
His short term memory will cling
To the idea you perpetrated.

The Anesthesiologist
Gives meds for dizzy indigestion,
No one wants it to happen
Please don't give Jerry an auto-suggestion,
Because his brain will latch on
To that five letter word,
His circus memory will focus on VOMIT
He may start retching, undeterred.

Sure, I care about his history
Of his sensitive tummy,
You probably run to his side
Like the very best Mummy,
Each time he has a burp
And spits up a little rice,
But do be aware;
Encouraging vomit, is like rolling the dice.





Saturday, September 29, 2018

Vomit............


After being horridly ill last week, I came to work. As an aside; here we are in 2/3 northern California, and starting about two weeks ago, doth arrive, the killer baby Flue #1 of the year. Nurses, patients, family members sniffling, coughing, missing work (not the usual lame reasons), with real Flu-like symptoms. UCK!

I came back to work this week, feeling very underenergetic, and got slammed on Day #2.
The worst part was the dude that upchucked dinner, and every prior meal I think, three times in ninety minutes!

Three vomits?
That's too much,
A slimy smelly
I didn't want to touch,
Yet, apparently
It wasn't an option,
Vomit #2
Was up for adoption.

What was for dinner?
I'm not too sure,
But there was some lettuce
All pretty and pure,
On my forearm
With an olive and a carrot,
Look; I like salad
But I don't want to wear it!

Monday, September 24, 2018

Many Nights Like This


There were many shifts like this, repeated over and again..........any nurse who has worked at the bedside, can attest to the most irritating of all things; the relentless demanding patient.

99 Requests

After 99 requests
In the course of twelve hours,
You have thoroughly diminished
All of my powers,
Just saying, if you suffer
A cardiac arrest,
I can not guarantee
The outcome will be the best.

Your water requisition
Ten times, just like this,
No more than five ounces
On the hour, don't miss,
Because I am your patient
And you are my slave,
Each time I pass the room
She gives a beckoning wave.

I offered the four P's
But it really seemed like twenty,
Pain, potty, and position
And many more a'plenty,
And of course I offered AIDET
(I've had it shoved down my throat).
Management loves that crap
It certainly fills up their boat.

At the end of my shift
I’m supposed to say, Thanks,
For allowing me to serve you
(The worst of old cranks),
No, instead I have pity
For your family and friends,
You treat them just as poorly
And never make amends.

Sunday, September 23, 2018

Moan and Rattle


His smile is infectious..........yep, that's what people say about the kid.


It's a nasty infection
And I blame it on the kid,
He's not a pharmacist yet
Doesn't know what he did,
Coming home, with a
Class-A infection,
Hit up the old man
He wasn't wearing protection.

This otherworldly beast
Has cut me at my core,
Approaching day seven
I have Hades at my door,
Proposing special offers
To relieve me of this disease,
I have rejected each one
Though I bargained on the sneeze.

See, the cough is bad enough
But the sneeze is hell on wheels,
Each time it rips my throat
With razor blades, it feels,
I have learned from prior suffering
It's a decent bargaining chip,
Succumb to 17 lashes
From the elder Abaddon's whip.

Ah, don't worry it's just mythical
I wasn't whipped by Loki,
Although a trade was made
To clean the Okefenokee,
And I'll get to that later
If I survive this epic battle,
Why, even the cats are howling
As my lungs doth moan and rattle.


Deaf and Kind



An attentive daughter is a wonderful thing.

90 years old
Deaf and nearly blind,
A daughter named Donna
She is so kind,
Helping to navigate
Time with her father,
Clearly she knows
He's a bit of a bother.

Just waking up from
Conscious sedation,
He has all the right questions
With mixed up equations,
He simply can't grasp
Complexity now,
I answer over and over
The most basic how.

In time he will grasp
As the drugs disappear,
All those things he most know
With the help of us here,
And his surrounding family
Which decision might be best,
To solve his heart problem
Defined by this test.