Wednesday, December 07, 2016

One Beer with Meals


I have worked with a couple Physicians, who felt it was Ok and probably a good idea, to order a beer or wine with the meal tray, as an attempt to prevent alcohol withdrawal. Essentially, the conversation is in regards to persons who drink a fair amount on a daily basis; like the guy last night, who drinks 10 beers a day. I posed that question to Dr. X the other night, in respect to a person with a serious drinking history. He said, "No, not ever would he allow that for his patients". His rationale was to the effect, that this individual made a personal choice to abuse alcohol, and the Dr. could not in any way support this, calling it unethical. I mentioned Dr. Z, who is known to do the opposite. To me, it appeared that Dr. X, was co-mingling some personal beliefs, as opposed to a scientific data based approach. His method, should there be withdrawals, will be dosing the patient with whatever drugs are on the "Withdrawal (drug) Protocol". In other words, medications that will very likely cause more short term side-effects, that could possibly have been avoided, had Billy-Bob been allowed a beer with each meal. This is not all supposition, as the Dr. Z method (Beer/Wine) has proven successful on numerous occasions.


Doc, what do you think?
The subject of prescribing alcohol
During a hospital admission,
Would you allow it for your patient
Under any condition?
Some Doctors say, no
I wouldn't cater to that,
Regarding a self-acquired problem
And that's where I'm at.

But I think a double standard
Exists with that attitude,
Our patient's get addicted
To all kinds of things, Dude,
Like Morphine, Oxycontin
Fatty foods and Coffee,
We let them have those
Along with Grandma's best toffee.

I have a suspicion
Your ethical attitude,
Lies in personal beliefs
Not science, Dr. Dude,
Because we feed our fat patients
And prescribe Norco, like candy,
How is addiction to pain pills
Any different from Brandy?

I heard your argument
Against the alcohol approach,
If I was selecting a doctor
I would choose another coach,
One with a more generous
Perspective and view,
And a little bit older
With more experience than you.

Nutty Nurses

So many crazy, bipolar, demented, disoriented, damaged whacky people lately (the patient's I mean). I began to wonder, could this be contagious?

Senior citizen nurses
Why we get nutty?
Too many loopty'loo patients
Acting like Silly Putty,
Mimicking characters
From The Exorcist movie,
No wonder we retirees
Become demented, yet groovy.

Retired Nurses
Why we might become whacky,
We might have a patient
Infected with Coxsackie,
Or is crazy contagious?
I don't really know,
Like acquiring Whooping cough
At the motion-picture show.

Friday, December 02, 2016

Spasmodicus


Once the gross out theme gets rolling, I just can't stop.
"Twas the night after.............


'Twas the night of diarrhea
And all throughout the house,
Not a Nurse was seen breathing
It smelled worse than dead mouse,
The commode chairs spilled over
And streamed across the floor,
House-keeping refused
To take care of this chore.

I called Dr. Brown
And Suzi called Dr. Runni,
And each one of them laughed
Because they thought it was funny.
I told Dr. Brown
"You have earned payback
For sure",
The next time I get you coffee
I guarantee it won't be pure.

The next night an emissary
Of emesis came over,
To herald a pukefest
On the Cliffs of Dover
We used all the Zofran
Phenergan and Droperidol,
And when I phoned the doctor
He asked, "So, why did you call?"

Another round of threats
Regarding crap in his salad,
Had the good Professor Emesis
Singing my ballad,
Regarding pukus-diareus-spasmodica-loo
Oh, pray with me Brother
That it never happens to you.

Thursday, December 01, 2016

Poisoned


This is a little like one of Clive Barkers horror stories, only it rhymes.
Also, I'm the Break-nurse, I'm just reporting what happened to Suzi and Billy-Bob.

Poisoned

She's crazy and screaming
And she's out of breath,
She beat up her heart
With Nicotine and Meth,
She's not confused
It's just her drugs talking,
Wild cursing and growling
Her toxic squawking.

Begging and bargaining
For food and water,
She failed the Swallow test
And now she's threatening slaughter,
She yelled, "I'm going home now"
Ya, I wish that I could let her,
But I know that won't happen
And this night will get no better.

She coughs up yucky mucus
And spits it at her Nurse,
Oh, how did she know
That I keep some in my purse?
Sweet memento's like that
Are the kinds of things I savor,
So, I blew her a kiss
And asked, what is the flavor?
We are her babysitters
At seventy dollars an hour,
And that flavor in question?
Is putrid and sour.

Like the Queen of the Damned
And Satan's child,
Open heart surgery
Made her wild;
Though, truth be told
She was like this before,
From the very first day
She came into the store.

She calls the men names
That rhyme with trucker,
I am her Nurse
And I feel like a sucker,
What she calls the women
Rhymes with itch,
If I had my way
I would drop her in a ditch.

Like that child possessed
In The Exorcist,
That's my patient tonight
We have to coexist,
She's screaming and wild
And out of control,
I'm fairly convinced
She tried to poison my soul.

And someday........
She might possibly go home
In one or two weeks,
Get back with her people
The meth-heads and freaks.

That Smell


There is no getting away from C-Diff......even if you are 20 feet away; the smell is awful, and yes, it can cause significant eye irritation. The other yucky feature, is that those crap atoms get stuck in the nose, and even after departing the hospital, you can still detect That Smell!


That Smell

Oh, that odor
What the Hell?
My eyes are burning
From that smell,
I can barely
Take a breath,
I blame C-Diff
And bowel death.

Though, this is normal
In this dive,
I just don't know
How we'll survive,
The next few hours
Exposed to this stink?
We'll be anaerobic
Is what I think.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Furthermore, following the same theme:

Nostril Smells

Yes, I was there
With first-hand knowledge,
Although this wasn't covered
When I went to college,
How smells could linger
For hours, in one's nostril,
After rapid ejection
From yonder wastrel,
Currently residing
In room seventy-seven,
I had to be reminded
How Nursing was like heaven.

Now, why I didn't
Become an Attorney?
I had to pursue
An altruistic journey,
Where nostril smells
Doth keep on giving,
'Tis why we Nurses
Continue living.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And lastly.......

Dreaming of Bedpans

I've been afraid to talk about it
In case it were true,
That breathing crap atoms
They could get inside of you.

I thought it rather curious
How later, when I was home,
I kept dreaming about bedpans
Made out of chrome,
I would lurch from that dream
And race to the potty,
Trying to launch a dead rat
Out of my body.

And that's why I'm afraid
To talk about it ever,
Thoughts are powerful motivators
They might launch an endeavor,
By several wayward molecules
That migrated to my colon,
Thereby causing me to worry
Why I'm bloated and swollen.
- - - -- - - - - -- - - - -
From the, "Wait, there's more" Department:

C-Diff Blues

Take a good whiff
And you'll know it's C-Diff........
That sour-sweet odor
Gets lodged in your nose,
You will wish that you carried
A special vacuum hose,
To suck up those vapors
Before they float in the air,
Instead, all those crap atoms
Hold tight to your hair.

C-Diff on your collar
Will make you scream and holler,
When you are home at the mirror
It can't be any clearer,
That you weren't as protected
Like you thought that you were,
C-Diff on your clothing
And all over your fur.

C-Diff is in your car
As it was on your shoes,
Yes, that crap is everywhere
Let us sing the C-Diff Blues.


Tuesday, November 22, 2016

1991 0r 2016....Nothin' Different


We know a lot more, but have all the same issues

A High Stakes Game

We keep them here for days on end
And try to make their organs mend,
We attack their cells with mighty drugs
To try to kill all sorts of bugs,
That naturally were acquired here
This ain’t no place for the sick, I fear.

Pardon me, I was only rambling
About life and death, it’s just like gambling,
In a high stakes game for those that dare,
Who bet their lives in Critical care.

1991

Transition


Another ancient, unpublished one. The topic (death) is always a current issue, and how our industry and society deal with it.

Little Room for Hope

He suffered very long
From a well known rare disease
As he lay so still for many weeks and weeks,
There was little room for hope
And his family couldn’t cope
As his life ebbed slowly from a hundred leaks,
He had fifty different doctors
With a thousand interventions
Yet they couldn’t tame the nature of the beast,
His family suffered silently
To the depths of dark depression
Till their loved one packed his bags and headed east.

Now I know I’m very certain
That when it’s time to close the curtain
I wouldn’t want heroic measures for my mother,
Thus, the moral of this story
Is we gotta look at death
As a transition from just one place to another.


1995

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Old writings, just as good

Every year, in the late Fall, I get back into sorting, collating, and supposedly, plan to publish. Today, I have sorted through about 100 old writings, and here is a good one for my pals in Neuro.

Lobotomize Me, Baby

Oh, Lobotomize me baby
I’ve got a mental pneumotension,
It’s a disease I never wanted
But it deserves an honorable mention,
I’ve got buzzing in my ears
Black spots before my eyes,
And now my doctor tells me
My cranium has flies,
They hatched from little larva
That were hiding in my brain,
Honey, please give me a sedative
Before I go insane.

1995

Saturday, November 19, 2016

No Mo Thorax


No Belt Piece Prize

I had a pneumothorax
Yep, there it was,
Couldn't catch my breath,
It was because,
My pants here hanging
What a surprise,
That I had earned
The No Belt Piece Prize.

Of course, that is dumb
I blame my Uncle Mo,
He fell down on his chest
And he said, "No",
As in, "No mo thorax,
I didn't break a rib,
If you want to argue
You're outta my crib.

Leaving no more solutions
An Old Mo Thorax,
I suggest you clean it up
With good old Borax.

Legacy


Why my back hurts
On a daily basis,
Nothing to do with
Day off stasis,
No; here's a calculation
Regarding what I have lifted,
Mountains crumble
Tectonic plates have shifted,
But daily efforts
In hospital work,
Show a nurses' job
Is more taxing than a clerk.

I calculated
Thirty plus years,
How much weight
Would put you to tears,
On a year, those days
One hundred fifty and all,
Five hundred pounds
Per shift, not small.

And then, that is tallied
An enormous whole lot,
One fifty x thirty
Times five hundred and snot,
To a tune of two million
Two hundred fifty odd pounds,
Wrap your mind around that
And you will say, ZOUNDS!

That is one thousand
One hundred and twenty five tons,
A huge measure of hamburger
Tomatoes and buns,
Hauled from the farm
Way down in Modesto,
But I am not talking
Basil and pesto.

My spine discs are thinner
Scoliosis is worse,
But I am a Nurse
And that is our curse,
I'm not complaining
Just stating a fact,
If this was a stage play
I assure, it's the last act.

Yet, we soldier on
Like other service members,
Standing tall for all of those
Who missed their Septembers
Knowing they would have
Fought on like we do,
When the job is your legacy
Describing me, defining you.

Friday, November 18, 2016

Narcan Nonsense


I read an article recently that looked at one of the issues involved with overdose of narcotics; that being, premature death. At this writing, there is definitely a major problem in the USA (and the world) regarding the excessive use of analgesic substances. The author postulated that if persons known to be users of narcotics were given take-home Naloxone (Narcan) when they left the Emergency Room, this action might reduce unintentional death. To me, this seems like nonsense.

It is one thing to encourage people who are allergic to stuff like peanut butter, bee stings, and melon, to have on hand an Epinephrine injector, which can help to counteract anaphylaxis. In general, people who know about their allergy, logically and actively, attempt to avoid the substance they are sensitive to.

In contrast, when considering a narcotic overdose, we are talking about people who are intentional users. Whether they are addicted or not, is not the point; it is an illogical solution. First of all, who is going to administer it? Imagine, I’ve just taken a little too much Oxycontin, and drifted off to a pleasant dreamy state; am I going to wake up and say, “Gosh, I think I have overdosed…….where in the heck is my Narcan nasal spray?” Second, if I am addicted to narcotics, and I have an antidote on hand, perhaps I will be thinking that I can get away with taking an extra pill or two, because I have an antidote in the kitchen. Narcan, and most other antagonist / antidotes, are best left in the trained hands of health professionals.

Would the author also propose that every person who is prescribed a beta-blocker, be given Glucagon for home use, in case of overdose? Should we offer Praxbind for every user of Pradaxa, or Digibind, for those Digoxin prescribers? Of course not!

The answer is education, not medication. Whether one is addicted to something, or merely needs to take some kind of life-saving chemical, there always exists the chance of overdose. But to hand out an antidote, to every bloke out there, is just nonsense; in this case, Narcan Nonsense.

Narcan in the bathroom
For every woman and man,
Addicted to opiods
Some think, that's a plan,
For the avoidance of death
Regarding drug overdose,
Is this a sound solution?
It doesn't even come close.

Now, suppose you have an allergy
To peanut butter or a bee sting,
You actively avoid
Ever getting near this thing,
And it makes good sense
To carry an Epipen,
For that rare, but deadly exposure
You'll need an antidote then.

Contrast, the narco addiction
Some like to call it a disease,
Brain chemistry screwed up
You have pain when you sneeze,
Or a hundred different reasons
Intentional or not,
Keep the antidote on hand?
You've been smoking too much Pot.

I take a couple pills
To regulate my heart,
If I take too much
The rhythm comes apart,
Why shouldn’t I
Have some antidote?
A sensible doctor
Would never cast that vote;
Because………
The average consumer
Doesn’t know jack,
About overdose
Or heart attack,
Can barely administer
A basic eye drop,
Gets confused
When ordering at IHOP.

Too many ways
To get it wrong,
Handing out antidotes
To the public throng,
The better alternative
Is the medical approach,
Emergency responders
In the Paramedic coach.