Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Ben Gay


Over the counter; sometimes it actually works, but you'd better read the label.

A pain in the neck
That's what he felt,
A 3 day muscle spasm
After his tendons took the belt,
Now after he performs
Range of motion,
He goes running to the cabinet
For Ben Gay lotion.

Great stuff it is
Smells good too,
Not as dangerous
As super glue,
But, don't spread it all over
You just might not endure it,
Methemoglobinemia
It is difficult to cure it.

Because you can't carry 
Enough Oxygen to utilize,
Your hemoglobin is blocked
Oh, what a surprise,
And if you don't have on hand
A hyperbaric chamber, or Methylene Blue,
We'll shake our heads and gossip
When we say goodbye to you.






Friday, September 01, 2017

Bully


http://www.beckershospitalreview.com/human-capital-and-risk/8-things-to-know-about-nurse-bullying.html

Bullying / Hazing, is still happening in our industry. I was subject to it just last year, when I started another job. The other nurses at that place said stuff like, "Oh ya, Betty Lou is always rude like that". I thanked my lucky stars when that bully nurse left the department soon afterward. DISCLAIMER: This poem presents a radical, dark solution to the problem. In other words, my own cynical views.


I was subject to bullying
Numerous times,
As a youngster suffering
Those childhood crimes,
And a few distinct instances
In my Nursing career,
Why it persists to continue
Is not really clear.

The bully has a weakness
Somewhere deep inside,
They will never admit
That it's under their hide,
They might raise their voice in anger
They may threaten or yell,
Reprimand or ridicule
Till your job is a holy Hell.

You might want to quit
But that's giving in,
You can't escape the problem
This original sin,
It is better to stay
And get retaliation,
Become smarter and tougher
And then perform eradication.

There are various ways to do this
Yes, books have been written,
Subtle ways of harrassment
So the subject feels bitten,
A little this and that
To dismantle their career,
So, when they look in the mirror
They will see a face of fear.

Yes, life is a battle
From the day you were hatched,
It's time to show the bullies
They are hopelessly overmatched.


Thursday, August 31, 2017

Our Mission


Some healthcare rumblings in my gut.

From the public perspective
It's about health and healing,
But at the political level
There's moaning and squealing,
Repeal Obamacare!
Get a Trumpian replacement,
While a lot of vulnerable folks
Expect authorized erasement.

I don't have the answer
I don't join the discussion,
I don't want to argue
I might suffer a concussion,
When Billy-Bob Teamster
Get's excited and mad,
Grabs the scalpel on the counter
And does something bad.

We display human kindness
Yep, that is our motto,
But there's a lot of money spent
On that self-driving auto,
While that guy at the top
Seeks our vote, that he's the Best!,
Human Kindness our mission
But what about the rest?


Strung Out

I work with some great nurses, of all ages. This particular one, seems to get quite a few challenging patient's. This one is about that.

A clean bill of health
After your angiogram,
I would think you would be celebrating
Hot damn!
But you began moaning,
Shaking and twitching,
As if you had undergone
Some kind of psychic bewitching.

Pains in your chest
Your arms and your legs,
We checked underneath you
To see if you'd laid any eggs,
But nothing made sense
And your doctor was tired,
He told us to do anything
Urging us to be inspired.

Even your saintly husband
Begged for us to intervene,
I think he was a bit embarrassed
By your emotional tragic scene;
Until finally at last
You were dressed to go out the door,
When you bothered to mention
Your chronic pain score,
And the Oxycontin at home
Waiting for you over the bathroom sink,
Oh ya, just another strung out housewife
That's what I think.

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Three Days


Working 3 days in a row is tough (for me), here in my 6th decade of life,
4th decade in healthcare..............being on the feet, probably 11 out of the 12 hour shift.

Three day stretches?
Sure, I can do it,
However. by that 3rd day
I'm all damn it and screw it,
Because I am older
And beat to a pulp,
Way beyond
Just one big gulp.

I don't know
A single elder,
Who doesn't feel
Like a journeyman welder,
Flaming the trenches
Of Nursing, today,
We have all paid our dues
In the usual way.

So, why do I do
Three day stretches?
It provides exciting fodder
For my poetic etches,
Because, that's what I do
In the hours soon after,
When I hang by my toes
With the bats in the rafter.

Saturday, August 26, 2017

A Bloody Memory


Well, several of my work pals will attest that this was one bloody week at work! Of course, that is the nature of our business, in the realm of Angiography. Aside from the method, many of our patient's are treated intentionally with anti-platelet agents and additionally, are commonly blasted with Heparin during their procedures. Our job as Recovery specialists, is to be the bloody guardians, so to speak.

After her Heart-Cath
She rested seven hours,
Enough time for margarita's
And two rounds of whiskey sours,
When she got up
She denied that anything was hurting,
But wouldn't you know it
Her Femoral artery started squirting.

Afterwards, the room looked a little like
That crazy chainsaw movie,
All the while, little Miss Fantastic
Took it in stride, stating, "totally groovie",
Just an ordinary day's work
Over at 35th and Emory,
To be added to her diary
She'll call it, "A Bloody Memory".



Saturday, August 12, 2017

Meaningful Abuse


This story ties in a bit with the poem that follows, because it addresses subtle monetary pressures on our business of care and healing. However, it starts out initially, with some of the usual Nursing nonsense we must put up with.

What bothered me this week?
Now let me think,
When our EMR document
Went on the blink,
Charting froze up
Doctors orders went down,
The Gorilla in the corner 
Sat there with a frown.

Why does it bother me?
Well, it always seems to happen, 
When Billy Bob is bleeding
And then he is crappen,
Which he does with a wiggle
A grunt and a push,
And now the blood and the crap
Flow beneath his tush. 

This type of occurrence
Generates a lot of charting,
Describing the features
Of body fluids departing,
Old boy Billy Bob
Whose daughter, does state,
"When we go to the restaurant
He's a heckuva date".

Back to my story
Regarding the EMR crash,
'Tis a national dilemma
That comes on in a flash,
The system goes down
With no warning or threat,
And leaves us up to our elbows
In excrement and sweat.

Yet, we forge on
Relying on Cerner,
Epic and Allscripts
Athena Health and Turner,
Each worth a billion
Or two in the bank,
While Meaningful Use bucks
Are filling the tank.


https://www.healthit.gov/providers-professionals/meaningful-use-definition-objectives


http://www.medsphere.com/resources/news/news-releases/3402-kern-medical-center-awarded-federal-funds-for-meaningful-use-of

Friday, August 11, 2017

CEO's Making Bank


According to Forbes, WSJ and other monetary reporting entities, if you want to be rich, be a hospital CEO. Here is a fun article that describes how our favorite CEO's are compensated, by each patient day in the hospital.

How much does your hospital CEO
Earn for each hospital client?
If everybody knew
Would you remain so compliant?
Knowing how much your daily cost
Goes directly into his pocket,
You might start to dream about
Hammers, nails and an electric socket.

Read this short article
Yes, why not be informed,
On cold winter nights
It is good to be warmed,
By wild crazy thoughts
and dreams of corrections,
Why dudes get paid so much
And all of their collections.

https://www.axios.com/stay-in-a-hospital-pay-the-ceo-56-a-night-2242870721.html