If Putin Was A Nurse Manager

In 1999, I joined a nursing group at our University Medical center known as "Action Nurses". Essentially, this idea was to have a Rapid Response Nurse individual (or pair of) on hand in the hospital, 24 hours a day. This idea was circulating nationwide and certainly showed value as soon as it was launched. To be an Action Nurse we needed certification in just about everything: Procedural Sedation, Radiology practices, TNCC, PALS, ACLS, at least five years (preferably more) of ICU experience. Strong IV insertion skills were necessary, across all ages preferably.

Side Note: I recently returned to the Mother Ship as a patient (not planned, but serious). The second day there, much to my surprise, I discovered the Action Nurse Team was still going strong, with quite a few more team members compared to 22 years ago. Action Nurses are revered by all who need their help.

In retrospect, many of us believe a better Manager would have been better. This poem is my take on that person, whom I have named Martha Polo. 
Without further ado:

Nurse Manager Putin

Martha Polo, sure as shootin'
She was just like Vladimir Putin,
She ruled her department with an iron fist
Her laser beam eyes never missed.

A better Commander would have been better
Than having Hannibal Lecter down to the letter,
But managers last if they are frugal and frightening
Every week they brag the budget is tightening.

Managers can be dumber than dirt
When compared to their peers,
But if they stay under budget
They will keep the job for years.

Yes, Putin had all kinds of plaques on the wall
For being fiscally frugal and that's about all,
The nurses she governed had a different opinion
But those things were kept secret in Putin's dominion.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --  -- -- -


In 2004: I had an injury and Occupational Medicine would not clear me to work patient Care.

When Vlad signed the papers for me to be separated from Nursing Services department, I discovered they swapped those out with papers for separation from the University. Two months later I got a COBRA notice from UC indicating that I no longer had health insurance. It took me a mad frantic scramble to get my benefits reinstated.