Tuesday, February 06, 2024

The Scolding Machine


In my recent hospital admission I shared the room with a completely disoriented patient who needed a Sitter. But "Sitters" need to be paid, might get injured, need health benefits and so on. The tide has turned; now the patient can have a bedside machine that watches them and Yells at them if necessary. I am not fooling. And I am amazed that I, the guy in the next bed, was not educated about the Scolding machine.

Let me tell you about the scolding machine
My disoriented room-mate had one,
The device was at the foot of his bed
To keep an eye on Jerry's type of fun,
Pulling at all of his restraints
Climbing out of bed,
It was like a game for him
Despite what the nurses said.

As his agitation would progress
First there were flashing lights,
If he began to untie things
A man-voice would read him his rights,
And if he tried to launch his body instead,
The machine would yell loudly
"Don't Get Out Of Bed!"

When I arrived to this room
No mention was made
Regarding the Scolding Machine,
I nearly jumped out of my skin
When the yelling began
Without warning or anything in between,
Well that was an oversight
On the part of my greeting committee,
I was just seven hours post-op
And this place seemed like the inner city.

I think Jerry transferred to rehab
Three days later,
His mental status did not improve
And don't call me a hater,
But having a climb-out-of-bed artist
At work sixteen hours a day,
With repetitive loud scolding?
I was feeling murderous in my own way.

Patient Room Video Technology

No comments: