The Burden of Wait

We have all experienced the waiting...............every aspect of life presents the opportunity to wait, longer than desired.

The Burden of Wait
Unlike the Duke of Earl,
Promotes anxiety and anger
Like a fussy, irksome squirrel.

No one enjoys
Unpredictable delays,
This kind of thing can happen
On the slowest of days,
Because we are a referral center
For Cardiac disorders,
People can become so unhappy
They threaten missiles and mortars.

A traffic jam of inefficiency
And the disgruntled client,
Waiting forever
Their hunger is a giant,
After 4 or 5 hours
It's a little too much,
Our tired excuses
Are like an old, rusty crutch,
Over and over
We apologize and placate,
Feeling like this situation
Is the worse kind of blind date,
Lame excuses repeated
Again and again,
While fuming family members
Look dangerous just holding a pen.

4/30/15

Dental Dana 36

Really now, who enjoys a trip to the Dentist office? No one I know. But what if there is a hot looking hygienist to cozy up to? Exactly! Dental Dana...........fits the formulaic fictional fantasy story to a T.

Dental Dana
Makes me itch,
When I gaze at her
I start to twitch,
Which is not advised
In a Dental chair,
But is Dental Dana
Even aware?

She's so very nice
To every one of us,
Though it's a given
Some folks like to fuss,
Generating tension
During the hygiene event,
With Dental Dana
Prepare to repent.

Dental Dana
Looks hot and healthy,
She's got some moves
That border on stealthy,
Especially when placing
Tools between my jaws,
Her aim looks deadly
Like she might break some laws.

I asked for DD
When I busted a tooth,
I wanted an intelligent opinion
And her hot-buttered youth,
But with my prior history
Of Dental offence,
It's really no wonder
She wouldn't give me two cents.

Oh, I was crushed
And begged for a pardon,
I offered a shopping spree
At the Mall on Arden,
If she would please, please
Just handle this one little task,
Oh, Dental Dana
Why won't you do as I ask?

Well, she truly is an angel
Dressed in blues and whites,
She came back to the room
And punched out my lights,
When I woke up
From Dental Dana's slap,
I had a fine looking tooth
Where there once was a gap.

I promised her flowers
And a thousand dollar check,
I blew her a kiss and croaked
"Get your hands off my neck",
She gave me such a sweet
Coquettish little smile;
Oh, how we all adore
That Dental Dana style.

4/20/15

Injured me

Slipped and fell on my butt
Dislocated my shoulder,
I'm thankful I wasn't
Perched on a boulder,
Thus, now I'm one-handed
Out of sorts, yes indeed,
A horrendous injury
And I didn't even bleed.

It hurt like the dickens
Ten of ten pain,
The Fentanyl was helpful
Like IV Novocaine,
But when they pushed, pulled and cranked
On my arm for Reduction,
Fentanyl didn't touch it
I needed Diprivan induction.

I told them in the beginning
When they answered the call,
Fentanyl for discomfort, and
For the procedure, Propofol,
But young Doctors must follow
Their protocols, to the "T",
Shoot the little guns first
To set my shoulder free.

Well, that was an ordeal
Not to be repeated,
My pain hit 250
With my shoulder still unseated,
And they did concede
Stronger meds were in demand,
Like I said in the beginning
Folks, Propofol is planned.

I've used it hundreds of times
In my Nursing career,
And now that I've had it
Man, it's monstrously clear,
That, this stuff is better
Than Cinnamon toast,
Like a cool soothing blessing
By the hand of the Holy Ghost.

When I woke up
The pain was a two,
With everyone smiling
At my shoulderly view,
Repositioned, it was
So properly placed,
Just like the Doctor said
The pain was erased.

Homebound, we were
A seven hour ordeal,
I'll need several months of Rehab
To resume my curb appeal,
A turn at disability
My initial impression,
An impromptu vacation?
Note my facial expression.

I own the Truck

Nurses eat their young........while Betty *Battle-axe, never loses the appetite to nibble away at her staff. (*an aggressive, domineering, forceful woman).

Oh, the things that I could talk about
That I rarely mention,
The subtle harassments
That would get your attention,
And what is the point of these things
I'm asking you?
When we who are smart enough
Recognize those things that you do.

It's kind of funny
And Ludicrous, all the same,
Watching your twists and twirls
In this silly bothersome game,
Where, you might claim
An Auditor, noticed a thing,
In the language of HIPPA
Where your threats can really sing.

And those persons who claim to be
In charge, and your boss,
Hardly have a solid grasp
On how the salad is tossed,
When the facts truly come out
How they didn't do their homework,
It was all an exercise
To give your chain a jerk!

What nonsense I say
That's why I keep the recording,
Every time this stupid train
Honks it's horn at the time of boarding,
And the Conductor punches tickets
Intimidating, those who they wish to irritate,
I never understand it
Because it's not my fate.

My works and diction
Don't support this kind of Fiction,
Because, over the years of my dedication
I'm the guy they call, to provide salvation,
And all those other things, when dire straits run amuck
Don't mess with the guy who owns the truck.

The Kidney Got Blowed Up

Language Sinner

I thought nothing was funnier
Than Doctor's dictation,
Until I read Nursing notes
In our grammar-poor nation,
An entry discovered yesterday
Surely takes the cup,
Regarding an Iodine Allergy:
"THE KIDNEY GOT BLOWED UP".

Yes, that's how it reads
At the top of the page,
On the EMR Chart
In our digital age,
Where spelling and grammar
And gibberish, show evidence,
Suggest a lack of education
And no common sense.

The computer-based document
Allowed me to learn,
Whoever wrote that nonsense
Needs a reprimand, stern,
An embarrassment certainly
To the likes of our profession,
Come forward, language sinner!
And deliver your confession.

4/4/15

Once is enough

The story is true, the secret is secure.

Jerry Rigged

Something happened yesterday
Never seen before,
Old man farmer
Took care of a chore,
He was out of bed unclothed
IV stretched and taut,
He seemed a little confused
At least, that's what I thought.

He proved me wrong
What an entrepreneur,
He showed me his solution
For human manure,
A sudden urge, it was
He needed to take a dump,
First he peed in the urinal
And then he added a lump.

He was careful not to spill
And his aim was pretty good,
Holding the urinal to his butt
The lump went where it should,
Not a drop on the floor
I commended him for that,
Giving him some hand-wipes
'Twas a feather in his hat.

The urinal was hanging
On the bedrail with care,
We both took a look at it
And sensibly, left it there,
Then I told him to get dressed
And gave the usual teaching,
The do this and don't do that
Our standard Cardiac preaching.

When the family arrived
He was dressed and looked super,
No mention was made
Of the jerry rigged pooper,
We shook hands and both stated
Let's not do this again,
Despite all the fun
After all, we are men.

Senior Nurse, Senior Citizen

I've been stewing for a month, and this soup is sour. We have only had a couple slow days, and otherwise so ridiculously busy and understaffed on our evening shift, that I'm about to blow a fuse. So, here's my latest ramble.

Sorry Spleen


Nothing written at all
For at least one month,
I think it happened before
Maybe just wunth,
What have I been thinking
Who in the heck knows?
The absence of all writing is as
Unpredictable, as the wind blows.

I guess I'll write about work
The never ending story,
All the chills, thrills and drama
Have overwhelmed the glory,
The Testament of this Nurse
Now at the bookend of his career,
I'm warning you, kid
Don't look stupid when I'm near.

I might write about you
And tell the story of a hack,
A Cardiac Nurse without the rhythm
That was yesterday, oh, how you slack,
Comfortable in your position
In this cool working place, what a score,
Less than 7 years experience
When you were invited through the door.

And it clearly is evident
In the way you bob-and-weave,
I worry about our clients
Regarding what is not, up your sleeve,
The patient's, they don't know Jack
Regarding what a Nurse ought to know,
So when you enter the room, they ASSUME
You are an Expert, Joe Blow.

Now truly, it's a fact
Administrators want good scores,
On the Satisfaction Survey
Or they'll be kicked outdoors,
To the curb or worse
Their reputation smudged,
"Mr. Smith, did you have a nice Nurse?"
That's how we're judged.

And please, tell your neighbors
That you had the best time,
How the staff was so friendly
And the food was sublime,
How the Nurses were best educated
They knew their stuff, each and everyone,
Knowing that, you felt safer?
Oh, you ASSUMED that, you son of a gun.

Human Kindness is a concept
We can all get behind,
Hospital standards of care
Are carefully defined,
Professional excellence
Should be demanded and required,
If you don't improve your skills
Then you will be retired.

But that is the world
Dreamed about by me,
The senior nurse, senior
Wishing I could be set free,
From this nonsensical arena
Of medical care, 2015,
It's all about the name-brand name
Not clinical outcomes, my sorry spleen.

Composure

Busy, crazy days are so common, I probably talk about it too much. Be as that may, I find my quickest mind distraction, is reading News reports on the internet. When I read all the horror stories going on elsewhere in the world, I realize my troubles and stress, are minimal and like the fluff of old Dandelions...............fly away with a puff of wind.

Flag of Composure

Friday we were slammed
But then I read the news,
Horrible happenings everywhere
Changed my micro views,
I realized my troubles were minimal
Compared to the rest of the world,
Letting go of the stress I was feeling
My flag of composure unfurled.

Repeated, again

With Cardiac Arrhythmia's, an individual might have to return for repeat procedures; such as Cardioversion, Ablation, Pacemaker fiddling, Angiograms and so on. It's just the nature of the beast.

Mr. McGinnis
Came back to our store,
He had a prior Ablation
And now he wants more,
Oh, let's do-do it again
He said with a stutter,
But this time I've come
With Atrial Flutter.

Mr. McGinnis
Is a likeable chap,
Friendly, yet stoic
He wears a jaunty cap,
Adventurous, he is
Regarding recreation,
He says, "I've had a month of rest"
Let's do another ablation.

Dr. Oneill
Reviews all the options,
Clarifying clearly
He doesn't do adoptions,
Nor suffer fools gladly
Seeking medical attentions,
"But, if the proof is in the pudding
I will apply my interventions".

Dr. Oneill, in his customary way
Articulates, with nary a stutter,
The EKG, clearly shows evidence
Of Cavo-tricuspid A-Flutter,
Quite simple to fix, in my estimation
Drop in for a day, get it done,
Mr. McGinnis, heartily replies
"Thanks Doc, I'm sure we'll have fun".

2/19/15

Catering to you

We all have had difficult patients, families, co-workers and bad days. Over the course of this job, I have worked in situations, where a patient might come for multiple visits, over weeks, months or years. I understand all the psychodynamics of how the person might feel lost, or have a sense of powerlessness, or whatever................I get it. But why act out towards the folks who are trying their best just to help you? If you don't want to be in the hospital, or you'd rather not be repaired, just go home, Ok? There are many other nice folks we would just love to attend to.

Catering

I'd rather gather bathhouse blankets
Than take care of you,
Working minimum wage
And do the best I could do,
I'd rather dig fire-pits
To roast the slaughtered pig,
Than spend another day with you
With your ego so big.

When you come to the hospital
Please leave your attitude at home,
We're doing the best we can
This is not the church of Rome,
No, we're just medical peons
At your beck and call,
I'll do my best for 12 hours
Just don't call me Paul.

I will treat you respectfully
And look for the same in return,
I'll get you juice, food and TV
Your care is my concern,
But please do remember
Your safety comes first,
If the Doctor writes, "NPO"
I can't cater to your thirst.

You didn't eat since yesterday?
It's a bother, but not critical,
Most of us are overweight
I'm just saying, not analytical,
And fasting can be a benefit
However stressful, it might seem,
When you finally get to eat
Our food will taste like a dream.

I'd rather trim forty acres
Of Star Thistle, in June,
If you ever come back again
That will be too soon.

Themeless not Dreamless

Sometimes something just sticks in my craw and I don't really understand it. But when I begin with some little idea, the concept unfolds. Here I was thinking about all the dumb stuff that Administration threatens employees with, while letting other really important issues go down the tubes. Sure HIPPA is important, but what do we do about the public whipping out their phones to photograph Momma with her pretty blue surgical hat on, or some fool Mother, let's a cellphone in the room with her intubated neonate and the picture ends up on Faceless Book?

Anyway, I'm peeved.

Hospital organizations
Threaten new members,
HIPPA violations?
We'll roast you on embers;

And other fancy rules
Laid out clearly for new-hires,
Will never be enforced
Until the statute retires.

Why do they forcefeed us all
With powerless reminders?
To impress the Regulators
Who are all wearing blinders,
To the reality of the present
Perpetual cost-cutting days,
No more free Soda
Unless the Employee pays.

2/12/15

Assuming the Reigns

Choosing to be a Nurse Manager..........well, I gotta hand it to you. It sounds like a living nightmare; until you go home, and have PTSD nightmares, of what didn't go well that day at work. It's a huge amount of responsibility  (to do it right). Good Luck!

Manager, or
Man ager,
You might feel older
I would wager,
Assuming the reins
Of that wild horse,
Perhaps, you're the one
Who can right the course.

Historical guidance
From a veteran, needed,
Professionalism
Has been impeded,
I was there and I saw it
And it wasn't good,
Perhaps you can fix it;
Our old neighborhood.

Focus your powers
And rally the troops,
Watch out for landmines
And the loopety-loops,
Who lurk in the closets
And whisper sedition,
Clean house if you must
To establish your edition.

Make fair new rules
And stick to your guns,
Establish strong protocols
For your daughters and sons,
The family you inherited
By your audacious deed,
Discover your mentors
To guide you, to Lead.

2/11/15

Bobcats & Rabbits

Good Goat Almighty............! Today was like Bats out of the Cosumnes River Preserve! 45,000 of them at once. That is what it felt like, and what other bystanders commented. It was totally demented.


Oh, my word
How busy can it get?,
Not too much more of this
I can safely bet,
With the resources we have
And that's not counting too much,
Few persons, qualify to float
And if they do, they wouldn't touch,
Knowingly enter
The region we inhabit,
Kind of like Bobcats
Who are chasing a rabbit,
All about the tributaries
Leading to the Den,
Thank goodness, this only happens
Now and then.

2/6/15

Caring Time

Today, we had a boatload of patients, procedures and recoveries. We were super busy, procedures were delayed, it was hard to find beds and we "closers" worked 14 hours total. What made it a good day, was how many good visitors we had, paying attention to their friends and loved ones. Thanks, all.

Families and friends
Who hang out for the waiting,
Are the best that can be
And I'm not overstating,
The appreciation we have
For their vigil with Bob,
Whether they are dressed to the nines
Or just a casual slob.

It's best if they talk
Ordinary conversation,
Perhaps share a tv program
Or a radio station,
I don't like it when visitors
Focus on their gadget-gear,
They might as well go to Starbucks
Because they're not really here.

Being a supportive family / friend
Showing care for Billy-Bob,
Is far more than any kind
Of lazy, boring job,
You are giving of yourself
Unselfish caring time,
Thank you, to everyone
You help everything rhyme.

1/31/15

Drought Solution

Where is all the water? I realized where a good portion of it is, after seeing a response to Lasix the other day. Perhaps our end-of-times drought wouldn't exist, if those perpetrators of Heart Failure, would PLEASE return the water!

A brilliant solution presented itself
After a standard dose of Furosemide,
In California, we're in a massive drought
The plants, and aquifiers and lakes have all dried,
The patient in the spotlight had fluid overload
Short of breath and feeling chest pain,
In the next two hours, I hereby witnessed
Two liters of urine go down the drain.

How many persons in California with Heart Failure?
Holding on to our water, in the midst of a drought,
There ought to be an ordinance, a fine, or citation
Breaking a natural law, there is no doubt,
Wildfires rage with dry tinder conditions
Fish species in danger, when they can't spawn,
And most of you with Heart Failure
Are probably still watering your lawns.

Sure, a little off the track, I will admit
But Lasix and Bumex
Just might do the trick,
To solve our water crisis
In our severe time of need,
Let Go Of Your Water
It's time everyone peed.

1/30/15

Bed Theory

After 31 years of Nursing, I stake my claim, and publish emperic, evidence-based, scientific research.

Even though our new "HIPPA" compliant, one occupant , get-ready and recover rooms are the cats meow, they are small. They are designed for a gurney, but those things are just rolling torture tables. Our 2015 idea, is to have a real bed in there, for those patients who might be with us for more than 4 hours. The following mini-research proves, that providing a comfy bed, does not guarantee patient happiness.

Bed Theory

We theorized the following:
Sometimes our patients have a long wait
For a Cardiac Cath date,
If they had a bed, instead of a gurney,
They might be less inclined
To call an attorney.

A common supposition stated
Bed, compared to gurney, might be rated,
Higher on the satisfaction scale
But still, our patients moan and wail,
Because laying on one, uncompared to the other
They don't know the difference, and the crux of it brother,
What they really want, is nicotine and food
Bed Theorem debunked, hence their bad mood.

1/27/15

Hollywood Star

This old gent was determined to need an Aortic Valve Replacement, secondary to reduction in Valve area and calcification. He had a pile of tests to support the suspected Diagnosis, and eventually qualified for TAVR. Transcatheter Aortic Valve Replacement. If you don't know; at this time, it is reserved for those persons deemed too risky for open heart / sternotomy approach. This is most often as a result of comorbidities, frailty, old-age and the like.

So, he passed all of the prep tests and today was the day of the big event...................except, he didn't really need it after all.

They thought he needed a TAVR
But it just wasn't so,
He had 14 preparatory tests
And it was all systems go,
Coming in at 5 a.m....
When you're 91, that's a cinch,
And when they started his IV
He didn't even flinch.

Transported to the Hybrid Room
Anesthesia induction, was smooth as expected,
Every monitor known to modern surgery
Insured that he was protected,
From collapsing vital signs and hypothermia
Arrhythmia's, bleeding and more,
His Femoral arteries and veins were cannulated
With everything the Surgeons had in the store.

And then it was time, for the last Aortic measurements
Before they would load that valve on a wire,
Three or four Doctors, scratched their heads and wondered
How did we get to this place, where we call a ceasefire?
And admit to ourselves, that this fellow doesn't need it
The best thing to do, is to send him home today,
Let his family celebrate, wondrous good fortune
And pray to the heavens, there isn't a Copay.

A six hour recovery, that's all he needed
Sleeping the whole time, till he walked to the car,
At 91 years of age, this was another adventure
I think he just earned his Hollywood Star.

1/25/15

Bumped Off

A couple of times a year, I find myself bumping against things to the side of me, as if my radar is busted. It's as irritating as those days, when I have hiccups about 7 times.

It's the middle of my shift
Suddenly, pain in my thumb,
I can barely bend that sucker
I wonder, what's that from?
And then I remember
Bumping the metal door,
Also, caught a finger
Pushing the handle, man, my finger is sore,
And to top it all off
Smacked my other hand,
Against a non-moving bed
I assure you, none of this was planned.

I think my proprioceptors
Are not properly tuned,
If I start bumping my knees
I might be marooned,
Trapped in the hospital
Too lame to go home,
And we don't stock toothbrushes
Not even a comb.

New Stuff Learned

I love going to Medical Education events, because I like to learn new stuff. Also, it's a great place to get ideas for jokes and new poems. I went to a little meal and eat at the country-club, back in October, and my table-mates and I learned about Neurological Disorders, specifically regarding Parkinsons and Tremor. My new pal (yes, you) likes joking around too, and here is what we came up with. Silly cocktail humor.

Chorea: A country near Japan

Leva-Dopa: When the Taxi-driver drops off the dopehead.

Bezel Ganglia - Jewelers Neurons

Parking Sons: A motor vehicle parking business.

Pre-Cursor: Middle schooler who hasn't yet learned to curse.

Vascular Insult: "Your varicose veins, are WAY ugly!"

Blood vessel to Fat guy: "Hey, lighten up, will ya?!? I can't supply all this fat!"

Parkinsonian Features: Short films, just before the Main feature, at the Parkinson Theater.

Stepwives: Exercise Program @ 24 Hour Fitness

Cardinal Rigidity: A high member of the church, and his "little" problem.

Sleep Disorder: Acting out while sleeping.

My Charge-Nurse has executive function dysfunction.

Motor-State: Detroit, Michigan

Are you moody about your anxiety, or Anxious about your moodiness?

A dancing disease vs. Advancing disease.

Don't look at me funny, that's how I manage to stay awake after drinking two glasses of country club wine. 

Smoking and Choking

I will admit, that I like ye olde fireplace fire........but now, I don't like the smoke in the air when it feels like I have Asthma.

And here in the Capitol of Californication, it hardly ever gets cold enough to freeze anything.............so, a lot of people probably don't really need to light the fire...........it's just a warm living-room homey thing.

As soon as I got to work today, I smelled wood smoke coming from the ventilation duct. As the day progressed, I was coughing more and more. Talking with coworkers later on, they too, commented they were coughing, and had burning eyes. My partner called someone in Engineering, and he dropped by.........probably thinking we were talking about burned popcorn.

Engineer of the Night, wasn't very sympathetic to our complaints of things making us cough, sneeze and burning eyes........because after all, "No one else has complained yet".


We got a heckuva response
From the Engineering dude.
If it had been Mark
He would never have been so rude,
When we called about the smoke
Piped in by our new ventilation piping,
The dude said, "It would be too expensive
And no one else complained, only you are griping".

I said, "Well, we are the healthy ones
What about those who can't complain?
Asthmatics, with C.O.P.D.
Respiratory Failure
Just struggling to operate their brain",
No, Engineering dude, once again stated
"I'm sorry, no one else has lodged a complaint",
Denouncing our legitimate concerns
Oh, I held myself back with some restraint.

I guess, maybe he is a perfect example
Of someone, who takes his job easy,
Don't rock the boat, ruffle the edges
Maybe he gets queasy,
Afraid to pose
Questions of impropriety,
Like piping in particulate-matter smoke
Intolerable to most of our society.

He talked about charcoal filters
Although, I dont know if that's a viable solution,
And anyway, Engineer said it would be too expensive
And "no one else" complained about the air pollution,
Then I begin to wonder, how much do you want to breathe
Is it as important to you, as Valet Parking?
Go find your car later, without much help
Or listen to your loved one, wheezing and barking.

Your Nurses too, are coughing
Like infected banshees, on the roam,
Where, in reality, they are suffering
From neighborhood households, burning loam,
And really folks, do you want
Your caregivers, coughing like deathrow survivors?,
Coming up from the deep-blue sea
Like gasping, deep-sea divers?

But night-time Engineer said
"Well, no one else complained",
I guess he's the wise man in the bunch;
Let's have him Ordained.

1-2-15

Some Data  regarding Smoke Air Pollution:

http://www.baaqmd.gov/Divisions/Communications-and-Outreach/Air-Quality-in-the-Bay-Area/Wood-Burning/Wood-Burning-Rule-Information.aspx

http://www.sparetheair.org/~/media/Files/Communications and Outreach/RedWoodSmoke.ashx?la=en

http://www.epa.gov/airquality/community/details/i-woodstoves_addl_info.html#activity2

http://www.cleanairplus.com/blog/activated-carbon-filters-air-purifiers.html

Our Engineers are in complete support, apparently.