I revisit this topic regarding an idiotic Hospital policy regarding what things we are allowed to
have in our work area; the one that denies us Staff members from having any food or drink, when at the same time, we allow the public to eat and drink whatever they want. And yes, this is the very same shared room that I am talking about.

Though I understand that it is a result of some big muckety-muck JCAHO regulation, it clearly makes no sense, in the way that it is interpreted.

Yesterday, an Anesthesiologist was interviewing a patient for the upcoming heart surgery, and this doctor had brought along his own coffee from the cafeteria (safety top included). This coffee cup was perched on the counter, at our intake desk. Our Unit Manager walked in, and tossed the beverage into the trash. When the physician went to find his coffee, quite naturally he was peeved that somebody had ditched it. Contrast that to the patient's and their families, who walk in with beverages, and the fact that we feed them lunch and dinner, with hospital food, in this very same room.

And when Management, sort out their "DOC" surveys (a measure of Employee Satisfaction) is it any wonder why the peons aren't happy? I'm willing to bet it has something to do in the way that we are treated, n'est pas? (isn't it so? )

Zero Tolerance

Each time they institute
Zero-tolerance measures,
They stifle our goodness
And bury our treasures,
It fosters maladaptation
And promotes discontent,
Employee satisfaction?
Nonexistent; we dissent.

Fibril_late;
9/7/12

I suppose it happens a lot of places, although I'd never heard about it until I caught up with this particular employer. I have worked at many hospitals in the past 30 years, and most of them didn't ask their employees to stay home without pay. They will say that it's all about the budget..........but workers don't need to hear that; we just come to work to care for sick people. And no matter how fun, fulfilling, thrilling, "gee, everybody is fanastic", the workplace might be, if you send people home every week, I'd say that might be the #1 reason, that employee satisfaction scores are consistently rating low. Duh!

Another HC

Oh, SNAFU me
Another HC
This is no way to treat
A loyal worker,
Stay home without pay
And have a nice day,
This is fodder
For the closet berserker.

Some day, like a camel
Not sweet like Dorothy Hamill
The last straw will break the back
Of this creature,
Not knowing what's in store
This Berserker will roar,
Rage and anger expressed
What a feature!

"Going Postal", you'll remember
An inferno from an ember,
What's the trigger?
Perhaps, loss of wages?
Over and over again
Just stay home, if and when,
Horrific consequences -  (HC)
Someone rages.

This kind of employer
Creates a destroyer,
It can't win the best
Workplace, of the year,
Treat your employees like dirt
Don't pay them and they hurt,
Hospital convenience, they say
Oh, I sneer.

Yes, SNAFU me
I think I'll jump from a tree
With a rope 'round my neck
Because I'm broke,
When I was hired, they said "Honey
We'll pay you lots of money"
Then they keep me home, unpaid
What a joke!

Fibril_late;
9/3/12

From the "more exciting news" Department:


JCR's (Joint Commission Resources) - Hospital Engagement Network (HEN) is part of the Partnership for Patients program sponsored by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). The goal of the program is to provide better care at lower costs. 
http://www.jcrinc.com/CMS-Hospital-Engagement-Network/ 

Further proof, that I don't need to imagine great stuff to write about.

You Need a HEN

Conditions you acquire
When you're sick,
In our modern health-care vision
Just won't click,
Instead, you need a HEN
And let her lay,
Hatch a couple eggs
And save the day.

Hot solutions are
Quite often screwy,
But you need an acronym
Like good chop suey,
Especially, when you
Call your group a HEN,
Hospital engagement
Network; so cayenne.

Fibril_late;
8/15/12

The latest hot topic revolves around CAUTI: Catheter Associated Urinary Tract Infections.

Over here at Sister Euphemia's joint, we have an exciting program identified as: "Don't Put It In - Take It Out". Naturally, you can understand why my imagination went wild, when I saw the flier for that. After all, was this a directive from Planned Parenthood, or some whacky motto associated with one of those Bushy abstinence programs? Who knows, but probably not. Perhaps it's just about the catheter.

Don't Put It In

Don't put it in
Take it out,
It's a Dignity motto
Give a shout!

Don't drain that bladder
Let it drizzle,
Urine on the skin
Soon will sizzle.

Tell me how to fix that
Won't you, please,
Take it out, they'll leak
Each time they sneeze.

Don't put it in
My momma said,
Especially when
You're dating Uncle Fred.

They tell us not to use it
Never more,
Though I agree
It's always such a chore,
But if we do not place it
That's the crux,
The only good solution?
Pee on chux.

Oh sure, there's always
Rounding on the hour,
We're just sitting at the desk
And grinding flour,
Because the EMR
Has finally ended charting,
We can deal with
All the bladders and the farting.

Take it out, oh, take it out
My momma yells,
You left it in too long
And now it smells,
A bio-film has coated
All the tube,
And now the urine looks like broth
From bouillon cube.

Fibril_late;8/15/12

We were supposed to start work at 10:30am today, but the Charge nurse figured that the day would be short (fewer patients than anticipated), so why not try to close early. Ok, fine, but the truth is, it's easier to let us work the regular time, just in case the shift runs longer...........so we don't incur overtime.

Sure enough, all the unexpected things like transfers, late Caths, emergencies, and then the last patient bled on their test ambulation. So now, we'll both be here at least two hours over. Tough break, boss.

Why So Late

In case you wondered
Why so late,
Two home discharges
After eight,
One Kaiser transfer
Cathed at ten,
And the last
Home discharge,
Bled
Like a pen;
At 22:15
We had to wait
For an hour,
To see if she could depart
Under her own power.

Story to be continued?
I don't know,
But sooner or later
Home we'll go.

Fibril_late
8/9/12

When I brought this to the attention of my peers, many responded with doubt and humor. They just couldn’t believe that on Thursdays, someone at work, was stealing one of my yogurts.........my precious meal.


Now I’m fighting back!

So Sneaky

Oh, the tragedy
The depth of my grief,
I've been victimized
By the yogurt thief,
Leaving me hungry
By stealing my food,
Why not just ask me?
I'm a generous dude.

I'd give you my shirt
Sweat, grunge and all,
I'd give you my wallet
Although the bills are quite small,
I'd loan you my car
After all, I ride a bike to work,
But to blatantly steal my yogurt?
Truly evidence of a jerk.

I'm an easy giving fellow
I donate what I don't use,
But I might be territorial
Like a bomb, with a short fuse,
Waiting silently, for the perp
Who keeps stealing my dinner,
I'd chuck all of my goodness
Just to nail that snack-sinner.

Oh, you think you're so sneaky
Swiping my yogurt, you do,
Next week I'm hiding a camera
In the break-room, how-do-you-do?
I'll catch you cool handed
With my yogurt in your grip,
Imagine losing your job
Over such a stupid slip.

Ha-ha, I will laugh
As you're led away in irons,
I won't shed a tear
To see you depart our environs,
Because thievery of your peers
Is an insidious crime,
I'll push for the harshest sentence
Because baby, this is prime-time.

Oh, the tragedy
The depth of my grief,
It won't be for you
My darling, yogurt thief,
You brought this upon yourself
With your deeds of deprivation,
And I'll eat dinner with my two yogurts
While you suffer cancellation.

Fibril_late;
7-20-12
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Public Pillory

The threatened
Public pillory,
Of yogurt thief
Named Hillary,
Has been effective
In a sense,
In of itself
A recompense.

No more nurses
I must frisk,
My sustenance
No longer at risk,
Public awareness
Tested that thief,
My yogurt is safe
Oh, what a relief.

Fibril_late;
8/3/12

Whether listening to a speaker at a symposium, class or whatever, I find it bothersome when the presenter uses idioms of speech, that are unnecessary. “Um”; “m’kay”; “you know”; “like”;  and, “Does that make sense?” placed at the end of an explanation or describing of something.

Used over and over, and I just want to stand up and yell, “Ok, Enough!”

Does That Make Sense...........Revisited

"Does that make sense"?
She says it too,
It drives me crazy
What about you?

If it didn't make sense
A question, I would ask,
Intelligent listeners...
This is our task.

Fibril_late;
7/17/12

Going to Mandatory Education classes is always such an inspirational exercise for me. I sit in class and write poetic observations, which essentially, is my way of doodling to stay awake.


Blood Sugar Training

Blood sugar training
Isn't this sweet,
Modifications
To the way we eat,
Pills, potions and injections
To ameliorate,
Those unwanted complications
Affecting our fate.

Need to solve a problem?
Give them a Power-Plan,
The best, latest cure
For the modern man;
But Power-Plan solutions
Are just hot topic noodling,
Providing endless inspiration
For my creative doodling,

Best-practice ideas
Are just practice, and that's the kick,
These will change in five years
When these ideas, make you sick.

Nutritional Insulin
Sounds like it's part of a meal,
I'll take two units of regular
With my smoked banana peel,
Added to my five units of Basal
With my bangers and mash,
It's the latest accessory
For your Diabetic stash.

It's just the same old stuff
Like new, retrofitted,
We'll let the jury decide
Guilty, or acquitted,
When we tally the statistics
And cinch up the sutures,
Did we save lives or kill more
Five years in the future.

Fibril_late;
7/17/12

Dental Dana 3-4-5

Three more poems for the Dental Hygienist at the office. You can read #1 &; #2 further on down the page.

Dental Dana III

Dental Dana
She's the bomb,
Better looking
Than my mom,
Sweet, petite
And sassy, too,
What she's got
I want to chew.

Dental Dana
Her teeth are shiny,
They twinkle
And she's never whiny,
She never says
A naughty word,
But when she's mad
She flips the bird.

Dental Dana
Doesn't shop at Ross,
She makes her clothes
From dental floss,
My favorite
Hot pink mini-skirt,
She so damn fine
It makes me hurt.

Dental Dana
Has technique,
And I'm not talking
Tongue in cheek,
Amongst her peers
There's no compare,
She hides dental probes
In her beehive hair.

Wielding them like
A ninja warrior,
More imagination
Than Tom Sawyer,
And don't pester her
And cause distraction,
You'll be removed
Like your impaction.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Dental Dana IV

That Dental Dana
She's one slick chick,
With her dead-eye aim
She'll nail you quick,
How she attacks your plaque
You won't forget,
Under her attention
You're like a teachers pet.

Dental Dana
How does she do it,
She can rip your plate off
And never unscrew it,
Which is oh-so painful
But, who gives a damn,
You'll say, "Dental Dana
Thank you, ma’am".

Dental Dana
She's top notch,
Till she dropped that drill
Upon my crotch,
The pain was terrible
The damage, plenty,
I said, if you'll do it again
I'll give you twenty.

Yes, pleasure and pain
It doesn't get any better,
That Dental Dana
She's a trend-setter.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Dental Dana V

Dental Dana
She's hot stuff,
I can't seem to
Get enough,
And frankly, she is
Kind of a mystery,
Never answering questions
Regarding her history.

She whispers sweet nothings
When she pokes my incisor,
Meanwhile, I'm thinking
I want to surprise her,
A bauble or trinket
Some jewelry or jingles,
Perhaps a pound of milk chocolate
Or a truckload of Pringles.

Dental Dana
Has the touch,
A manual approach
With a double clutch,
When she stops to ask
Are you OK, mister?
Disturbing my dream
Where I just kissed her.

Dental Dana
What a delight,
I keep thinking about her
All day and all night,
The way she plies my gums
With her rubber tipped probes,
Gets me thinking about
What's under her robes.

Her sugar and slice
It comes with a price
And DD, she doesn't come cheap,
She offers so much
With her ultrasonic touch,
Before you know it, you're really in deep,
What a fine asset
Better than a basset
This office would be empty without you,
When you need a raise
I'll heap you with praise
Because baby, there's just something about you.

Fibril_late;
7/14/12

As a nurse of 29 years........yup............I've kept sort of a running roster in my head, of my personal team of "Nursing All-Stars"; that is, if I could assemble my favorite All-Star team that I was working with.

This is not because I think that I'm the greatest Nurse..........not a chance.

It is because I understand that the best Nurse, is the one with the best buddies, that they can rely on, through thick and thin.

To all of you on my list:

Earned


Oh, my gosh
Such news, it’s good,
Doth warm the heart
Just like it should,
An old friend past
From times, back then,
We worked together,
Like ink and pen.

When pen and ink
Might separate,
The matter, cause?
Elucidate,
Sometimes, one goes
To find new paper,
Where pen and ink
Might write a new caper.

Who forayed first?
Perchance, one wandered,
Don’t waste your time
Upon details pondered,
“Tis serendipity
That’s for sure,
But together they would say
“This is the cure”.

I wax poetic
That’s my style,
But I’ll promote all those
Above the rank and file,
Those colleagues I know
That I can trust, at all times,
These are the ones
Who have earned my rhymes.

Fibril_late;
7/127/12


ps: thanks to all of you

Yesterday, it was super-duper-storm-trooper busy. Billy Bob underwent a T.E.E (transesophageal echocardiogram), at bedside. Whether it was his body habitus, or his anxiety level, he required a hefty dose of Midazolam and Fentanyl. When the procedure was finished and the stimuli ended, he was snockered, snoring and somnolent. The daughter of Satan (his woman) came to his bedside and watched him snore. After about fifteen minutes, she thought he was ready for a drink of water, which she had obtained, and the Nurse had warned her, “wait until he is awake”. Although his eyes were closed and he was still snoring, she straightened his head, brought the cup to his lips, and poured it in. No surprise to me, Billy Bob began to sputter, cough and choke. As I was two feet away, I turned to her and stated, “Stop the water, he’s choking”. Whereupon, she launched into a tirade of, “The nurse said it was ok; no he isn’t choking” (and more). I told her that the drugs he had received, may compromise his swallow/gag reflex (Uh, isn’t it obvious?). Then even Billy Bob sputtered out a couple words, in between more gasping and coughing, that he just had a tickle in his throat.

Yes sir, sometimes I wish we could leave the visitors behind the golden rope at the doorway.

Auto Shop Rules

Don't step into the work bay
Of the Auto Shop store,
You might slip on some oil
And crash to the floor,
Busting a hip or
Some vertebrae too,
Or a four ton jack
May run over your shoe.

An auto lift raiser
Might lose its hydraulics,
If it falls on your head
You might join the alcoholics,
Suffering from pain
Like you wouldn't believe,
And quite frankly, not one of us
Will fret or even grieve.

Because we warned you, with a notice
The sign was bold, in red letters,
Though we know folks are stupid
That's why Vegas loves bettors,
And when you violate the rules
Covered in "Safety: Section C",
No attorney will represent you
And that's our guarantee.

When you're recovering in the hospital
I hope your family pays attention,
It's not the safest place
Too many dangers to mention,
And why bring the babies
To visit?; bad idea,
We have fungi and germs
Much worse than North Korea.

There are diagnostic tests
Performed in the room,
Twenty minutes, looks easy
But it's fraught with hidden doom,
If you're Billy-Bob's girlfriend
And he had Procedural Sedation,
You give him a drink?
Ahoy!; Aspiration.

If a neighboring Nurse
Reprimands you; "Stop the water",
Don't get righteous and snotty
Like you're Beelzebub's daughter,
Because you don't belong
On the Auto Shop floor,
And that Nurse might kick your butt
Right out the door.

Visitors; be cautious
Thoughtful and humble,
Catastrophe lurks
When you're a smart-ass or stumble,
Then perhaps, death be unto you
Or a relative, by your deed,
We appreciate your business
But stand back, you might bleed.

Fibril_late;
7/7/12
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


And along those lines, Nurse Steve relates: “We have families trying to feed stroke patients who have failed their swallow screen, all the time.  "It's just a little fried chicken.  Chuck loves chicken."  (He's on a soft diet.)  "Duh! That's why I didn't get the extra crispy.  Do you think I'm stupid?".................
[Dude, of course you’re not stupid..............you’re just a frickin’ idiot!]

Chuck Loves Chicken

Chuck loves chicken
Too bad, that he stroked,
He's on a soft diet now
Except yesterday when he choked,
Because Bubba, big brother
Brought Uncle's best chicken,
No sir, not extra-crispy
Although still, finger lickin'.

Chuck loves chicken
They'll probably turn that into a movie,
Just a stupid line like this
Because it sounds so groovy,
Like, "I Know What You Did Last Summer"
And, "He's Just Not That Into You",
Chuck loves chicken
And he can't even chew.

Poor old Chuck loved chicken
But Chuck, hated pills,
He had uncontrolled hypertension
And you know Bubba, that's what kills,
So many young people
Who think they're healthy
Until they sicken,
Now Chuck can't even swallow
Even though Chuck loves chicken.

Fibril_late;
7/8/12

There is ringing in my ears. Sure, I understand it's all in my head. But since January this year, it has cranked up a bit. I rate it a "6" on a scale of "10". I think it was running about a four, up till this year. About the only time it is neutralized, is when I am near running water, like a river or a shower. Using Melatonin at night, helps me go to sleep. According to my ENT doctor, it's an almost inevitable part of aging. Irregardless the cause, I believe an antidote or negating effect will be discovered..............but how soon?

The Ringing

There's no way of knowing
What causes the ringing,
A symphony of frequency
In my head, singing,
More on the left?
Though I'm really not sure,
We've put men on the moon
But for this, there's no cure.

Screw the research for Cancer
For the breast and the brain,
Forget about Ataxia
And neurogenic pain,
Let's look and listen to Tinnitus
The sound of the silence,
Before the noise in my head
Doth lead me to violence.

Blame it on amplified music
I could,
Exposure to noises
Like the sawing of wood,
Age related hearing loss
I don't want to get old;
A thousand internet remedies
Just waiting to be sold.

Acoustic neuroma
An MRI will tell,
Arteriovenous
Malformation, oh hell,
Tortuous carotids
Or plain old hypertension,
Various medications
Too many to mention.

Caucasian men
With PTSD,
Over sixty-five
Are you listening to me?
Looking forward to fatigue
Sleep problems and stress,
Memory issues and depression
Anxiety and duress.

Or, maybe the ringing in my ears
Is the hypersonic voice of God,
I can write a book about that
Irregardless the intrinsic fraud,
Dr. Fill and Dopah Windtree
Might invite me to their shows,
They can say whatever they want
I won't hear it, that's how it goes.

There's just no way of knowing
What causes the ringing,
I don't want it or need it
I assure you I'm not clinging,
To this irritating syndrome
The noises in my head,
Finding a cure would be wonderful
Hopefully, before I'm dead.

Fibril_late;
7/3/12