The Scolding Machine

 

In my recent hospital admission I shared the room with a completely disoriented patient who needed a Sitter. But "Sitters" need to be paid, might get injured, need health benefits and so on. The tide has turned; now the patient can have a bedside machine that watches them and Yells at them if necessary. I am not fooling. And I am amazed that I, the guy in the next bed, was not educated about the Scolding machine.

Let me tell you about the scolding machine
My disoriented room-mate had one,
The device was at the foot of his bed
To keep an eye on Jerry's type of fun,
Pulling at all of his restraints
Climbing out of bed,
It was like a game for him
Despite what the nurses said.

As his agitation would progress
First there were flashing lights,
If he began to untie things
A man-voice would read him his rights,
And if he tried to launch his body instead,
The machine would yell loudly
"Don't Get Out Of Bed!"

When I arrived to this room
No mention was made
Regarding the Scolding Machine,
I nearly jumped out of my skin
When the yelling began
Without warning or anything in between,
Well that was an oversight
On the part of my greeting committee,
I was just seven hours post-op
And this place seemed like the inner city.

I think Jerry transferred to rehab
Three days later,
His mental status did not improve
And don't call me a hater,
But having a climb-out-of-bed artist
At work sixteen hours a day,
With repetitive loud scolding?
I was feeling murderous in my own way.

Patient Room Video Technology
Tele-Sitter............https://avasure.com/telesitter/

Microbiome Trade-in

 

I don't really like writing about myself but this is a topic for our times; Microbiome. 
It seems like every week I read about some new discovery regarding our digestive system. There are billions of microorganisms seemingly working in a sort of harmony with each other (healthy gut) and influencing all the other organs in the body including the function of our brains.

However, sometimes the gut microbiome can be wiped out by some really nasty entity such as C. Difficile or Norovirus. In 2013 I had a Norovirus correction and now in 2024, Appendicitis and Ileus.............each experience gave birth to a new gut environment.

After Appendicitis
My microbiome left the house,
This has happened before
Certainly not quiet as a mouse,
These are drastic changes
In the digestive system,
It happened to me 11 years ago
And the old gut?
I really missed him.

Believe me
This has happened before,
I can tell you
It is a vigorous 
Not so pleasant chore;
Once you go down that road
It is initially bumpy,
And the end result is
Sometimes rather lumpy,

Anyway it does give one a pause 
New ramifications 
Without a rejection clause,
It is kind of like buying a new car
And having to learn 
New gadgets and controls,
Not knowing if I will really like it
And kicking myself for not reading
Any customer exit polls.

The only persons who truly have a choice
Of selecting a new microbiome,
Are those persons who receive fecal implants
And even then it is not a simple road home,
Consider it a very new 
Application of science,
The doctor will tell you, 
“We'll just let your gut
Figure out how to use this new appliance”.

The microbiome
Is uncharted territory,
A trillion microorganisms
Telling their own unique story,
Manufacturing chemical precursors
Biomarkers and agents of change,
Enough to alter thought processes
And expand emotional range.

My old microbiome exited Stage Left
Not just a minor vacation
No, a vast uncrossable cleft,
A break into a new frontier:
2024 is turning out
To be a whiz-bang New Year!