Ten to One Ratio

 

November 12, 2020.

There is a newspaper story sourced to an Italian hospital, where a patient suspected of suffering from Coronavirus, died prior to being admitted to a hospital room. In fact, the story refers to the incident where the man died while using the restroom, presumably in the Emergency Department.

In the course of my career as a Nurse, death did occur several times in bathrooms. It is not advised, because usually the room is small, and should you be discovered unconscious on the floor, about 25 people respond to your Code Blue, and we can't fit in the room. Of the hundreds of Code Blue situations I attended, family was present at maybe 20% of those events. It is always hard for loved ones to grasp what is truly going on. 

Anyway:

A dead man was spotted

In a hospital restroom.

As a Nurse I can tell you

That's not the  best room,

To discover a death

The recently deceased,

Both administrators and family

Are most certainly not pleased.

Where were the attendants?

The authorities will ask,

The family will shriek

And take us to task,

Blaming doctors and nurses

For ignoring Uncle Jerry,

Hell, he was gasping for breath

Didn't you notice?; It was scary!

Normally ICU patients

Are but two for any Nurse,

In these COVID days

Take ten patients and curse,

And if you work in North Dakota now

It's okay if you're infected,

Just don't expect bonus pay

You're disposable and not protected. 

I retired two years ago

In just the nick of time,

I feel bad for my brethren

And that's why I still rhyme,

Expressing frustration

Regarding this dire situation,

We are all in this together

But that's no consolation.

Invested in Sickness

Sooner or later every nurse will enounter a patient who loves to talk about their health issues. A month by year dissertation of procedures, surgeries, inflammations, trauma and so on. It is nearly impossible to turn off this faucet of misery. It is an attention seeking behavior and usually a huge waste of your precious time. After all, it's probably in the EMR by now. Alternately, they may actually have Munchausen Syndrome which is indeed a mental illness. 

Invested in Sickness

Agnes says she has HOCUM
Bobby declares he has POTS,
Juniper states she has COPD
And brags about Prednisone shots.

I nod my head and move on
To a question that demands a clear answer,
Sir or Madam please tell me right now
Were you ever an exotic dancer?
Because the woman who said she had HOCUM
I'll pretend that she really said hooker,
Trying to distract the launch of her story;
If she slugs me, I'll call Security to book her.

I met a few folks over the years
Heavily invested in their sickness,
Taking command of a regular conversation
With an extraordinary powerful quickness,
Naming their six favorite doctors
All their surgeries, therapies and more,
The numerous hospitals and procedures
As if they were keeping score.

It is hard to put a stop to this train
'Twould be better to never get on,
Prompt them with yes or no questions
With the demeanor of Genghis Khan.