Sooner or later every nurse will enounter a patient who loves to talk about their health issues. A month by year dissertation of procedures, surgeries, inflammations, trauma and so on. It is nearly impossible to turn off this faucet of misery. It is an attention seeking behavior and usually a huge waste of your precious time. After all, it's probably in the EMR by now. Alternately, they may actually have Munchausen Syndrome which is indeed a mental illness.
Invested in Sickness
Agnes says she has HOCUM
Bobby declares he has POTS,
Juniper states she has COPD
And brags about Prednisone shots.
I nod my head and move on
To a question that demands a clear answer,
Sir or Madam please tell me right now
Were you ever an exotic dancer?
Because the woman who said she had HOCUM
I'll pretend that she really said hooker,
Trying to distract the launch of her story;
If she slugs me, I'll call Security to book her.
I met a few folks over the years
Heavily invested in their sickness,
Taking command of a regular conversation
With an extraordinary powerful quickness,
Naming their six favorite doctors
All their surgeries, therapies and more,
The numerous hospitals and procedures
As if they were keeping score.
It is hard to put a stop to this train
'Twould be better to never get on,
Prompt them with yes or no questions
With the demeanor of Genghis Khan.
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