Isn't there some section in the grocery store for nuts?

Well, I'm not certain regarding the inspiration on this one (25 years back), but lots of nutty people do just fine in general society, and then they come to the hospital. I don't remember for sure, but I do know I had fun writing it. It has a pretty good 3-line rhyme.

A Special Kind of Ism

She went into the clinic
For elective surgery
To regulate the flow of her ureters,
It was a simple operation
That had never been performed
To implant some tiny microscopic meters,
See, she had a fascination
You might call it an obsession
For the inner workings of her organism,
She had made it her career
More precisely her crusade
Yes, specifically her special kind of ism,
She calls herself a mystic
Her return, a tidy profit
As she leads a modest crowd of imbeciles,
As a faithful testimonial
They visit doctors frequently
And take a million different kind of pills.

Upon awakening from surgery
She had a bold new vision
It involved uniting people on this planet,
So she called a special meeting
With a couple close advisers
Two old friends, whose names are Sven and Janet,
Now, the couple I just mentioned
Were consultants in brave ventures
Their reputation went before them, broadly speaking,
They had recently returned
From a trip out in the ozone
To discover why the atmosphere was leaking,
But that’s another story
That deserves a later telling
Let’s review the facts before us on the table,
It would be easy to identify
This woman as a nutcase
But as professionals, it’s best if we don’t label.

Now, with surgery behind her
More specifically below her
She relished the attention she was getting,
Her followers convinced
That their leader was a Goddess
Divine rapture and ascension, they were betting,
In cases such as this
When we cater to the weirdo’s
We don’t treat them any differently than others,
Because we follow a basic tenet
That our bottom line is care
We treat everyone as though they were our Mother,
And, so spirited was she
That she blessed in groups of three
And cast a good vibration in the air,
Now all who come in through our doors
Will walk upon our blessed floors
And will bear witness to a special kind of care.

Critical Awareness

In Nursing School, and then in practice, we hear a lot about Critical Thinking. It is a tool that develops over time, as the practitioner gains experience, and acquires a deeper knowledge base.
Furthermore, the more experienced Nurse, will eventually attain Critical Awareness, whereby, very subtle cues exhibited by a patient, or even a situation, alerts that Nurse, about impending trouble.

I used to work at night
I have a great respect for the dark,
Getting homeostasis balanced
Is not a walk in the park,
We night-time nurses needed to be watchful
Apprehending subtle cues,
Explosions take time to develop
Better keep an eye out for the fuse.

Accidental Doctor

An Emergency Room draws in the most unusual players; each one must be viewed with a cautious eye.

I had an accident today
I cut my hand while in the yard,
I was taken to Emergency
Down on Stockton Boulevard,
I saw bloody people everywhere
Children screaming in the halls,
Quite an experience, that’s for sure
So different from the shopping malls.

I lost quite a bit of blood
And forgot who I was,
I hit a doctor on the head
Why I did it?, just because,
I put his body in a closet
And placed his name-tag on my collar,
Just a simple street thug
Looking for an easy dollar.

With such an air of dignity
I drew everyone's respect,
I basked in all the glory
When I saw them bow and genuflect,
So involved with saving lives
I didn’t hear the sirens wail,
Till they took me away to raise the dead
Down at the county jail.

Nursing Collaboration

What greater example of genius can be found, than a group of nurses brainstorming ideas, to solve an apparently insurmountable situation. No names mentioned, but factually true; and I remember who my comrades were, what room the patient was in, which hospital............my poems are memory keepers.

Ring Around The Collar

She attacked my poor olfactory nerves

When I checked beneath the covers,

She had colonized a host of creatures

Left by thirty lovers,

In the dark, warm, damp environment

Those bacteria and yeasts

Synergized and incubated

Awesome, unknown beasts.

The Epidemiologist

Was unsure, what to do,

He ordered standard culture sets

On the exudative goo,

And quite frankly, like the rest of us

He was grossed out to the max,

So he didn't even notice

When the slime jumped on his slacks.

A fomite under power

This sad fellow was a dupe,

He should have tossed his clothes right then

Inside the linen hoop,

Instead he took that colony

On rounds with him, that day,

Contaminating everything

In an epidemic way.

Within the fortress of the unit

The nurses launched their fight,

They wrote a mighty care-plan

It was an awe inspiring sight,

The list of interventions

Would win a Nobel prize,

As sure as fresh made cow chips

Will attract three dozen flies.

But none the less, they knew the tricks

To eradicate this beast,

They called the local chaplaincy

To get a Catholic priest,

We need an exorcism

Before we gather by that bed,

Please come and do your demon dance

Or I'm sure we'll be dead.

The Catholic guy, said, my, oh my

Of course, I'll help those nurses,

I'll get a chance to practice

All of my anti-demon curses,

Because it isn't very often

Within the confines of my role,

That I have the opportunity

To really save a soul.

With the exorcism finished

Their job took on some meaning,

It was just another nasty site

Of excretory cleaning,

Engarbed in isolation robes

They were covered head to toe,

And if you turned the lights down

You would see those nurses glow.

Together they approached

Their formation, it was tight,

They stripped back all the bedclothes

And assaulted her with light,

They attacked with four point suction

To vacuum up the slime,

While taking notes in narrative

About the scenery of the crime.

In the background several nurses

Were at work in preparation,

To concoct some deadly mixture

For slime eradication,

And they finally reached consensus

About exactly what to do,

They would mix a triple portion

Of the hospital coffee brew.

It was well known information

That the stuff was nearly toxic,

It could revitalize a Resident

Who by appearance, seemed anoxic,

And the triple dose delivery

Would cause culture overdrive,

This seeping, weeping monster

Would no longer be alive.

The smell was overpowering

When they sprayed the caffeine flux,

It didn't touch the linen

Because they padded her with Chux,

And when the treatment was successful

You could hear those nurses holler,

I wonder if this stuff will work

On ring around the collar.

1994

Personal Space in the Community Place

The President of the hospital where I most recently worked, is very much a touchy-feely kind of guy. It's probably a cultural thing, or maybe some psychological personal space nonsense, but he makes a habit of reaching out & touching, without permission. One time, I was concentrating on a computer screen (charting); he came up behind me and placed his hand on my shoulder without warning. I was startled and spun around, only to find his leering face, asking me, how I was, and could he do anything for me. "Ya dude, keep yer paws offa me, Ok?"

Hug & Touch

What's up with those people

Who feel they need to hug and touch,

With complete strangers

They don't know very much.

And maybe they want

To look me straight in the eye,

And other things

I wish they wouldn't try,

If you engage my eyes

You don't know what I'm thinking,

Are you a body language reader?

What's it mean if I'm blinking.

If I cross my arms on my chest

Is it a sign of strength or fear,

Whatever it is

I don't need you near,

If your circle of influence

Crosses my personal space,

You’re way too close to me

If I feel your breath on my face,

If you want to touch my shoulder

My arm or my hand,

You better ask for permission

Why don't you understand?,

Don't sneak up behind me

And put your hand on my shoulder,

There's no telling how I'll react

And as such, you might not grow older.

4/8/19