Train to be Violent

By now, I expect that every healthcare organization all the way out to Timbuktu, has offered free, workplace-violence response training, to all and everyone. At our mega-medical entity, this endeavor seems way over the top intensive, no doubt costs millions, but looks good on paper for the public to read about. But what do I really think?

All the excitement:

What is the latest, hot button topic
For all the people in our nation?
Active-shooter situations
Expounded via oration,
And our own organization
Is spending gobs of money,
Learning to defend ourselves
When some jerk calls you "Honey",
While pointing a weapon
Or threatening you harm,
Got his arm around your neck
His favorite method of charm,
And a blade at your throat
While you gouge, scratch and bite,
Crush his instep with your heel
And kiss him goodnight.

At the Class:

We all learned the blade-stance
Where it looks like you're praying,
Shuffle forward and backward
Keep focused, no swaying,
Yell, scream; don't beg
While showing power, no fear,
Startle that mofo
Then bust a cap in his rear.

Another option:

Or........just arm us with guns
With a weapon I.D.
I can hide it in my scrub pants
A Glock 43,
I'm ready for whatever.........
Oh shit, now he sees us!
But, I'm not really worried
He's about to meet Jesus.