Shot of Ice

 

I did write this back in 2016 and if you have done a look-back you would have found it. Recently a close family member had surgery that resulted in prolonged NPO status (I mean 3 months long). This poem came to mind and now seems even more appropriate. The premise of the poem is another one of my insane inventions.

Objective:
For the patient who is requesting every 5-10 minutes some ice to satisfy their water cravings. (typically when they are NPO or fluid restricted).
The device could be set for time intervals or number of allotments.

Mechanism:
Automatic spoonful of ice - injector. Hangs from ceiling or a shelf unit. It might look like a movie projector. Pull the trigger and it drops ice into patient’s mouth. Alternate delivery where a targeting laser finds the patient's mouth and the device shoots an aliquot of ice directly into the orifice. 

Secondary benefit: Range-of-motion exercise for patient's head and neck. 

Best benefit: Nurse doesn't have to go in room every 10 minutes to deal with whiny patient.

There's a brand new gadget
A medical device, 
It will solve a problem
At a reasonable price,
A germ of an idea
That sprouted and grew,
After consulting
With thousands of you.

In the hospital setting
There are certain reasons,
We withhold fluids
Even in the rainy season,
NPO
Except for meds,
Makes patients crazy
Jacked up in their beds.

A genius idea
Came to me,
After 30 years
Of singing la-dee-dee,
As patients whined
And threatened with violence,
Why even an ice-chip
Would provide us with silence.

After mulling ideas
And asking advice,
I have finally released
The "Shot of Ice",
A revolutionary tool
With multiple uses,
No need to fall back
On ridiculous excuses.

Set-up is simple
Quick and easy,
It has a high-tech look
Nothing cheesy,
Plug it in, turn it on
Just follow directions,
One minute or less
It's ready for ejections.

Have the patient hold still
To adjust aim and distance,
Or set it on automatic 
For the path of least resistance,
It can be voice actuated
With timing controls,
Adjust by the teaspoon
Or set it on, "Bowls".

The patient can choose
What they say for the trigger,
Like, "hit me again, baby
But this time, something bigger",
Or maybe a whistle 
A clap or a moan,
For the technocrats
There's an app for the phone. 

"Siri, hit me up
I want to roll the dice,
Shoot me, babe
With some flavored ice!"

.