The Blade

 
I meant to do a write-up four years ago when I attended Workplace Violence Training. The first time I went to the class I arrived 20 minutes late because I couldn't find the education building. The instructors actually had the door locked and they told me I would have to reschedule even though at the time, they were merely yacking it up with the class. I couldn't attend until three weeks later, because I was working night shift and it wasn't very convenient.

Workplace Violence Prevention and Awareness
Of course it's important, doubled down and in fairness,
But to force it upon us, a requirement every year?
They won't offer a refresher; it's a do over, I fear.

The first time I went I couldn't find the school
I arrived twenty minutes late
They said, "You're out of here, fool",
Which nearly brought me to violence
But it wasn't the best time,
If I pounded the instructor
And reduced him to slime.

The second time I went
I behaved the best that I could,
Now that's not saying much
I'm like a piece of bent wood,
Making silly jokes
And talking out of turn,
But when all is said and done
There's always something that I learn.

It was a coed class
So I needed a fun partner,
Little did she know
I act like a kindergartner, 
With a bunch of silly nonsense
But I think she even giggled,
While she was choking me out
While I gasped and wiggled.

On the next exercise
I pretend I have a knife,
Imagine that I’m stalking
Number one wife,
My partner took a stance
That the Instructor’s called ”The Blade”,
Dodging my advances
And then she hit me with a spade,
I guess it was in the closet
With the gardening tools,
And like that first wife of mine
She wouldn’t suffer fools.

Yearly workplace training
Well, at least we get paid,
And I learned a new dance
Which they call the Blade.