I'm Busted Again

Major Fall-out

Lets consider little Betty. Her silly antics, led to my last work related injury (I hope). She was old (older than 75), sedentary, obese, short and compact, playing at helpless, got an angio-procedure with dubious results, meaning she probably didn't really need it, had the usual bleeding that won't stop and needed the chastity belt (Femostop) on for a few hours, and a blood sugar higher than 450......and finally she did swoon/faint.

If that wasn't bad enough; we had to deal with Dr. I-don't-call-back, who ultimately told us to send her home. He finally gave in and told us to call Dr. Who-does-care, and the dude admitted Betty.

Spittle and Cuss

Little Betty fainted
With nary a squeak,
As her family stood by
In shock, cheek to cheek,
Till I did command
Young Junior, do help,
He had a good bark
For such a young whelp.

I call her little Betty
You might say, Betty Little,
She had spunk and complaints
And each utterance launched spittle,
So I stood to the side
When she shuddered and gasped,
And with my 3 buddies
We flung her, hands grasped.

Back onto the bed
With a lurching big launch,
Her biggest issue?
Was that massive paunch,
Describing a measurement
The same as her height,
Five by five, we do say
God speed and goodnight.

Twang, went a ligament
Or a muscle, who knows?
An electrical shock
Blasted down to my toes,
And the hamstrings did spasm
As I shuffled away,
While little Betty woke up
With a farting bouquet.

Now, little Miss Sunshine
Said, Thanks folks for coming,
I could have handled it myself
One hand tied, plus some humming,
But I wanted some pals
To come on the run,
Should little Betty faint
And torpedo my fun.

The mirth and the joy
Departed, each one of us,
Battered and broken
Full of mustard and cuss,
Behind on notations
That will never be read,
But some of us will document
Even when we are dead.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Addendum: How I was blamed (the usual Boss response) for my injury.
Let's just call it: Catch-22, hospital style.


Last week, I managed to get another work-related lower back strain, during another gotta save the patient incident. Bosses always try to blame us for getting injured when we put the patient first, and we get injured, because the hospital provided Lift-equipment, is 5-10 minutes away, because the tools are not on hand. Yes, the sentence did run on. This was not a solo act on my part, I had 3 other pals and a family member, helping Betty Lou (musta weighed 222), into a position where she could breathe, after passing out.

Bosses keep trying to say, we shoulda left her on the floor; but, the fact is, the patient wasn't on the floor. I told my story to Nursing Supervisor, Employee Health Nurse, Doctor at Occupational Med, and my two bosses. Each of them started off with; Why didn't you use the patient-safety-Lift equipment that all Nursing Units have. See, blame first, concern for employee, somewhere down about 5 steps on the list.

Answer: We don't have that lift equipment in our Unit, and remember? Half of the hospital, doesn't even know where our Unit is. And frankly, our Recovery rooms are minuscule in size, the woman was not on the floor, really half on the bed, had fainted, could barely breath laying supine, and there were four nurses using the skillsday-instructed-patient lift technique with a pull sheet beneath the victim, where we all lifted and pulled in the time-tested method of 1-2-3.......SCOOT. Imagine a 240 pound bag of loose potatoes, with not an ounce of help from the patient, who was only partially conscious.

I guess we ought to have let her slide to the floor, pulled the bed/gurney out of the room, so there would have been ease of movement around her, while Joe Bob went running to the Emergency Department 5 minutes away (with a 5 minute return), essentially too late, as we probably would have already called Code Blue . Those responders would have run into the room, declare WTF, why is she on the floor, instead of on that gurney over there? I would announce, because the Boss says, don't ever try to move a fainted sick person, without getting the Lift equipment. Naturally, I would probably be excommunicated for that colossal FUBAR, but maybe I wouldn't have strained my back.

2020 Update:
WooHoo, 
Dr. I-Don't-Care-or-Call-Back.............finally got fired!