This is a summation of experiences, having taken care of numerous patients over the years, who have a family that expects a healing miracle, in the face of certain death.

Farting Rapture

A GCS of 3, comatose, near dead
No brain activity in his head,
No movement of limbs
No rise of the chest,
His heart is still beating
But it will soon come to rest,
Unless the Lord, Gawd, Almighty
Should hear all the crying,
Of the 70 relatives
Who sound like they’re dying,
With such wailing and moaning
And pulling of hair,
We’ve collected enough
To reupholster a chair.

Then all of a sudden
There arose such a shriek,
The patient wiggled a toe
And lifted a cheek,
While blasting a fart
That blew off the covers,
‘Twas a verified miracle
To those Jesus lovers;
Uncle Joe had been healed
As they had expected,
It was clearly a sign
That Joe resurrected.

A truckload of new relatives
Soon did appear,
And each time Joe farted
They let out a cheer,
While proclaiming to anyone
Who passed by the door,
Joe was just treading water
And almost ashore,
He’d be up and around
Come Easter, next week,
As if in agreement
He lifted a cheek,
And blew off the covers
With a magnificent fart,
And with that, he just died
With the last beat of his heart.

The family was in shock
And took 4 hours to leave,
They had postponed reality
Not ready to grieve,
Having ignored all the signs
Of Joe’s impending death,
Betting dollars and donuts
On each ventilated breath,
That our machines had delivered
Because Joe was in a coma,
They’d had two weeks of rapture
From his blessed aroma.

Sometimes we wonder
What our visitors have been smoking,
What they think is the voice of God
Is the grim reaper joking,
Waiting patiently on the sidelines
For the last tortured breath,
He’s the prince of all seasons
The boatman of death.

Fibril_late;
8/8/08