Sunday, December 27, 2015

Survival Decision

Obesity is an all gender issue. Luckily I don't suffer from it, nor do I know all of the causes, influences, treatments, solutions and so on. I just write about it as it affects my Nursing experience. This time I chose "he" instead of "her" to show my sensitive nature.

Survival Decision

At 5 foot 3
Three hundred seventy nine,
Even a hundred pound weight loss
Would be, right and fine,
But no, just the opposite
Since his previous visit,
He had gained another hundred
And wonders, why is it?
That he suffers hypertension
And diastolic dysfunction,
At 48 year old
He is at a crucial junction.

Moaning and groaning
And thick as a brick,
His weight is a death sentence
He needs to fix it right quick,
Because his lack of good health
Is a result of the weight,
Multi-organ dysfunction
Would like to schedule a date.

No diabetes
And no heart disease,
Pulmonary hypertension
Could kill him with a sneeze,
The cure is diet and exercise
And a stomach revision,
Survival is an option
But awaits his decision.


Saturday, December 19, 2015

A Blogger and a Clogger

Nursing can be bloody, messy work. Oh, ya, because that's part and parcel, to some area's of the trade. Paramedics, EMT's, operating rooms and all the rest.................there is blood coming out. I'm not grossed out, or frightened, and yes, I see dead people. But, I am never cavalier about it. I'm careful and cautious...............afterall, I'm a Clogger by trade.

First I was a Nurse
And then became a blogger,
In the course of a work day
I'm an expert vessel clogger.

Folks come to us for recovery
After artery and vein poking,
When those same patients see what we remove?
They know we're not joking,
Regarding bleeding and bruises
And horrid hematoma's,
Still some will go home
Like they were in a deep coma,
Hence, they ride the motorcycle tomorrow
Up the highway to Kingvale,
Stop for gas, and fall down
Dusky and pale,
Because they didn't notice
The fifty mile groin bleed,
There's no cure for stupidity
When it comes to riding that Harley steed.

We try not to make them worry
No, it's better to be wary,
99% won't bleed
It's the 1% that's scary,
Because usually, that's Billy Bob
Doing what he does best,
Compliant taking the blood thinner
Stupid about the all the rest.

If Nurses were compensated like Hedge Fund Managers

Not long ago there was an article / video circulating the outernet titled, "If Restaurants Were Run Like Healthcare". Also, in 2005, there was the catchy fable titled, "If Disney Ran Your Hospital". To me, it was just more management hype regarding the purported inefficiencies of the worker people, how we are dragging down profits and operating in a milieu of chaos.

But what if workers, were treated like the benevolent and caring Royalty, that they are?


If only we were in business
Like the local grocery store,
We'd earn a flat percentage
For every pill and chore,
Every spoken word of teaching
Every gesture of compassion,
There'd be seasonal variations
Like the latest winter fashions.

For special big events
There could be a bonus format,
It would beat the present system
Where we're treated like a doormat,
For example, we could compensate
Events like CPR,
If you succeed, and bring'em back
You win the big cigar.

Your patient was combative
He tried to stab the candy-striper,
She’s the daughter of the CEO
You win the keys to his Dodge Viper,
Or you work an extra night shift
Like it’s really no big deal,
Seven patients with infections
Every one with difficele,
By morning you’re exhausted
And finally feeling old,
Your boss comes in, says, “Way to go”
And hands you coins of gold.
There would be no nursing shortage
If these silly thoughts were true,
Pay us like celebrities
It’s long way overdue!

Wednesday, December 09, 2015

Dental Dana 44

If you have to visit your Dentist for the usual nonsense, do be careful that the Dental Hygienist isn't a freakazoid, I'm just saying.

Dental Dana
Freaked me out,
I was relaxed
When she began to shout,
It bothered me
'Cuz she told me not to fidget,
But now she's screaming
To stop biting her digit.

Dental Dana
Smacked my molar,
Like a flailing
Holy roller,
With dental lances
Pointed my way,
This was worse
Than our usual fray.

I got the message
And opened my jaw,
Dana's finger
Was chewed and raw,
I told her
I was really sorry,
She screamed, "I'll sue you
And buy a Ferrari".

Thinking quickly
What could I say?
To placate this demon
And be on my way,
Cheerily, I gushed
"That's a helluva ride",
A defining conveyance
For Beelzebub's bride.

Dental Dana
Gave me the evil eye,
I apologized profusely
(Praying, I wouldn't die),
She chased me out the door
Wielding her mondo pick,
Oh, Dental Dana
She's one freaky chick.


Tuesday, December 08, 2015

Spinning Jenny

Dizzyness, vertigo, room spinning, eyes twitching..........all of that stuff is miserable. Would a person be willing to endure that for 5 hours, just to convert their Atrial Fib to a normal rhythm (instead of opting for an electrical cardioversion)? Let's find out:

A 1200 milligram overdose
Completely unintentional
Because I'm not one of those,
Miserable creatures
Who want to pull out the plug,
No, my doctor put me up to it
A double dose of the drug.

Pill in the pocket
Is a go-to solution,
Rythmol or Flecainide
When you need absolution,
From that demon condition
Known as A. Fib,
A runaway heart
Beating ad-lib.

The usual dose?
A six hundred popper,
Plus twenty-five of Lopressor
That combo is a stopper,
It always worked before
17 times at least,
Why not today?
I don't know, ask the beast.

Four hours later
The word from Dr. C.
Take a double dose
Was his advice for me,
I was willing to try
After all, he's the boss,
But now I am overdosed
I feel like bearded moss.

OK, I admit
The A. Fib did stop,
But I got so dizzy
My brain took a flop,
And this happened at work
Late afternoon,
A worthless worker on the job
In the corner, in a swoon.

A cautionary tale
If there ever was one,
A colossal dose of Rythmol
It sure isn't fun,
But I'll double down
On my brother's flying jib,
An overdose of Rythmol
Is way better than A. Fib.

Wednesday, December 02, 2015

We're No Different

As Nurses, we're no different than our patients; we too have physical diseases and infirmities. Jackson Hole has a pacemaker, I have an arrhythmia now and then,
Stephan has Diabetes, and Vanessa turns her head Left, and has vertigo. I think that when we share these kind of things with our clients, and describe how we cope, it can help allay anxiety and worry. But in the meantime, we have to watch our coworkers carefully, too.

Vere to Go?

When she stands upright
And turns her head Left,
There's a nerve getting pinched
In the Subclavian cleft,
Sends a signal to her brain
Relax........everything's cool,
Her brain spins counter-clockwise
Like a whirling-dervish fool.

Weak at the knees
She might fall down,
Her GPS isn't working
In topsy-turvy town,
Bystanders gape
And start placing bets,
Will she pass out this time
Or just have the sweats?

Vere to go next?
Her doctors are confused,
Vertigo Vanessa
Is feeling abused,
She visits 4 doctors
Has CATscans and more,
No answers are found yet
It's a bothersome chore.

Spectators applaud
Vanessa remained standing,
Feeling somewhat better
Without a hard landing,
Stop turning your head
Is the general consensus,
Cuz whenever you do that
We get apprehensus.