Monday, June 29, 2015

Dental Dana 42

When Dental Dana
Has a day off,
I'll cancel an appointment
Complaining of a cough,
Or maybe she's having
Her Mercedes fixed,
That's another appointment
I have nixed.

My Dentist isn't thrilled
With my bait and switch,
Probly mumbling something like
That son of a bitch,
While grimacing with every
Unplanned rearrangement,
The whole darned office
Is planning my estrangement.

But I'm a paying customer
With a 3 month cleaning,
Though I suspect
They are pondering weaning,
Me out of the roster
And onto the street,
(No farewell party)
The contract is complete.


Monday, June 08, 2015

Bovine Binary

Administering to cows with heart disease
All long as they utter thank you and please.



I haven't written a gross-out poem in a while, but I still have a flair for  it.

Poo & Pee
Got together inside,
Found themselves a fistula
What a crazy ride,
Poo said to Pee
"Geez, you're kind of runny",
Pee replied, "Dude,
You smell awful funny".

Together, they knew
They could cause a lot of trouble,
Let's get on with it
And do it on the double,
Poo and Pee figured
They only had a little time,  
Before someone found out
And put an end to their crime.

Poo and Pee
They made a pact,
God bless, our chance encounter
Now it's time to act,
Make a total mess of things
Inside our sorry host,
"And, after it's all over
Let's head to the coast".


Dental Dana 41

Deliciously dangerous............

Dental Dana
Fixed me up,
She's a little
Flossed my tongue
She sliced it too,
Now it really
Hurts to chew.

Dental Dana
She's a Holy Roller,
She spoke in tongues
When she cracked my molar,
I felt the vibration
Into my brain,
I begged for another
Shot of Novocaine.

She said, Ok
And poked me in the thigh,
What the heck?
I don't know why,
Probably because
I'm so much trouble,
She said, "Don't complain
Or I'll make it a double".

As usual
Like every time we meet,
I left the office
In prickly heat,
Hot and bothered
Not feeling any pain,
Because Dental Dana
Is my Novocaine.