Thursday, April 30, 2015

The Burden of Wait

We have all experienced the waiting...............every aspect of life presents the opportunity to wait, longer than desired.

The Burden of Wait
Unlike the Duke of Earl,
Promotes anxiety and anger
Like a fussy, irksome squirrel.

No one enjoys
Unpredictable delays,
This kind of thing can happen
On the slowest of days,
Because we are a referral center
For Cardiac disorders,
People can become so unhappy
They threaten missiles and mortars.

A traffic jam of inefficiency
And the disgruntled client,
Waiting forever
Their hunger is a giant,
After 4 or 5 hours
It's a little too much,
Our tired excuses
Are like an old, rusty crutch,
Over and over
We apologize and placate,
Feeling like this situation
Is the worse kind of blind date,
Lame excuses repeated
Again and again,
While fuming family members
Look dangerous just holding a pen.


Monday, April 20, 2015

Dental Dana 36

Really now, who enjoys a trip to the Dentist office? No one I know. But what if there is a hot looking hygienist to cozy up to? Exactly! Dental Dana...........fits the formulaic fictional fantasy story to a T.

Dental Dana
Makes me itch,
When I gaze at her
I start to twitch,
Which is not advised
In a Dental chair,
But is Dental Dana
Even aware?

She's so very nice
To every one of us,
Though it's a given
Some folks like to fuss,
Generating tension
During the hygiene event,
With Dental Dana
Prepare to repent.

Dental Dana
Looks hot and healthy,
She's got some moves
That border on stealthy,
Especially when placing
Tools between my jaws,
Her aim looks deadly
Like she might break some laws.

I asked for DD
When I busted a tooth,
I wanted an intelligent opinion
And her hot-buttered youth,
But with my prior history
Of Dental offence,
It's really no wonder
She wouldn't give me two cents.

Oh, I was crushed
And begged for a pardon,
I offered a shopping spree
At the Mall on Arden,
If she would please, please
Just handle this one little task,
Oh, Dental Dana
Why won't you do as I ask?

Well, she truly is an angel
Dressed in blues and whites,
She came back to the room
And punched out my lights,
When I woke up
From Dental Dana's slap,
I had a fine looking tooth
Where there once was a gap.

I promised her flowers
And a thousand dollar check,
I blew her a kiss and croaked
"Get your hands off my neck",
She gave me such a sweet
Coquettish little smile;
Oh, how we all adore
That Dental Dana style.


Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Injured me

Slipped and fell on my butt
Dislocated my shoulder,
I'm thankful I wasn't
Perched on a boulder,
Thus, now I'm one-handed
Out of sorts, yes indeed,
A horrendous injury
And I didn't even bleed.

It hurt like the dickens
Ten of ten pain,
The Fentanyl was helpful
Like IV Novocaine,
But when they pushed, pulled and cranked
On my arm for Reduction,
Fentanyl didn't touch it
I needed Diprivan induction.

I told them in the beginning
When they answered the call,
Fentanyl for discomfort, and
For the procedure, Propofol,
But young Doctors must follow
Their protocols, to the "T",
Shoot the little guns first
To set my shoulder free.

Well, that was an ordeal
Not to be repeated,
My pain hit 250
With my shoulder still unseated,
And they did concede
Stronger meds were in demand,
Like I said in the beginning
Folks, Propofol is planned.

I've used it hundreds of times
In my Nursing career,
And now that I've had it
Man, it's monstrously clear,
That, this stuff is better
Than Cinnamon toast,
Like a cool soothing blessing
By the hand of the Holy Ghost.

When I woke up
The pain was a two,
With everyone smiling
At my shoulderly view,
Repositioned, it was
So properly placed,
Just like the Doctor said
The pain was erased.

Homebound, we were
A seven hour ordeal,
I'll need several months of Rehab
To resume my curb appeal,
A turn at disability
My initial impression,
An impromptu vacation?
Note my facial expression.

Wednesday, April 08, 2015

I own the Truck

Nurses eat their young........while Betty *Battle-axe, never loses the appetite to nibble away at her staff. (*an aggressive, domineering, forceful woman).

Oh, the things that I could talk about
That I rarely mention,
The subtle harassments
That would get your attention,
And what is the point of these things
I'm asking you?
When we who are smart enough
Recognize those things that you do.

It's kind of funny
And Ludicrous, all the same,
Watching your twists and twirls
In this silly bothersome game,
Where, you might claim
An Auditor, noticed a thing,
In the language of HIPPA
Where your threats can really sing.

And those persons who claim to be
In charge, and your boss,
Hardly have a solid grasp
On how the salad is tossed,
When the facts truly come out
How they didn't do their homework,
It was all an exercise
To give your chain a jerk!

What nonsense I say
That's why I keep the recording,
Every time this stupid train
Honks it's horn at the time of boarding,
And the Conductor punches tickets
Intimidating, those who they wish to irritate,
I never understand it
Because it's not my fate.

My works and diction
Don't support this kind of Fiction,
Because, over the years of my dedication
I'm the guy they call, to provide salvation,
And all those other things, when dire straits run amuck
Don't mess with the guy who owns the truck.

Saturday, April 04, 2015

The Kidney Got Blowed Up

Language Sinner

I thought nothing was funnier
Than Doctor's dictation,
Until I read Nursing notes
In our grammar-poor nation,
An entry discovered yesterday
Surely takes the cup,
Regarding an Iodine Allergy:

Yes, that's how it reads
At the top of the page,
On the EMR Chart
In our digital age,
Where spelling and grammar
And gibberish, show evidence,
Suggest a lack of education
And no common sense.

The computer-based document
Allowed me to learn,
Whoever wrote that nonsense
Needs a reprimand, stern,
An embarrassment certainly
To the likes of our profession,
Come forward, language sinner!
And deliver your confession.


Thursday, April 02, 2015

Once is enough

The story is true, the secret is secure.

Jerry Rigged

Something happened yesterday
Never seen before,
Old man farmer
Took care of a chore,
He was out of bed unclothed
IV stretched and taut,
He seemed a little confused
At least, that's what I thought.

He proved me wrong
What an entrepreneur,
He showed me his solution
For human manure,
A sudden urge, it was
He needed to take a dump,
First he peed in the urinal
And then he added a lump.

He was careful not to spill
And his aim was pretty good,
Holding the urinal to his butt
The lump went where it should,
Not a drop on the floor
I commended him for that,
Giving him some hand-wipes
'Twas a feather in his hat.

The urinal was hanging
On the bedrail with care,
We both took a look at it
And sensibly, left it there,
Then I told him to get dressed
And gave the usual teaching,
The do this and don't do that
Our standard Cardiac preaching.

When the family arrived
He was dressed and looked super,
No mention was made
Of the jerry rigged pooper,
We shook hands and both stated
Let's not do this again,
Despite all the fun
After all, we are men.

Senior Nurse, Senior Citizen

I've been stewing for a month, and this soup is sour. We have only had a couple slow days, and otherwise so ridiculously busy and understaffed on our evening shift, that I'm about to blow a fuse. So, here's my latest ramble.

Sorry Spleen

Nothing written at all
For at least one month,
I think it happened before
Maybe just wunth,
What have I been thinking
Who in the heck knows?
The absence of all writing is as
Unpredictable, as the wind blows.

I guess I'll write about work
The never ending story,
All the chills, thrills and drama
Have overwhelmed the glory,
The Testament of this Nurse
Now at the bookend of his career,
I'm warning you, kid
Don't look stupid when I'm near.

I might write about you
And tell the story of a hack,
A Cardiac Nurse without the rhythm
That was yesterday, oh, how you slack,
Comfortable in your position
In this cool working place, what a score,
Less than 7 years experience
When you were invited through the door.

And it clearly is evident
In the way you bob-and-weave,
I worry about our clients
Regarding what is not, up your sleeve,
The patient's, they don't know Jack
Regarding what a Nurse ought to know,
So when you enter the room, they ASSUME
You are an Expert, Joe Blow.

Now truly, it's a fact
Administrators want good scores,
On the Satisfaction Survey
Or they'll be kicked outdoors,
To the curb or worse
Their reputation smudged,
"Mr. Smith, did you have a nice Nurse?"
That's how we're judged.

And please, tell your neighbors
That you had the best time,
How the staff was so friendly
And the food was sublime,
How the Nurses were best educated
They knew their stuff, each and everyone,
Knowing that, you felt safer?
Oh, you ASSUMED that, you son of a gun.

Human Kindness is a concept
We can all get behind,
Hospital standards of care
Are carefully defined,
Professional excellence
Should be demanded and required,
If you don't improve your skills
Then you will be retired.

But that is the world
Dreamed about by me,
The senior nurse, senior
Wishing I could be set free,
From this nonsensical arena
Of medical care, 2015,
It's all about the name-brand name
Not clinical outcomes, my sorry spleen.