Thursday, May 29, 2014

Blind Date

Where I work, and the position I hold, looks pretty simple from afar. Out-patient clients for the most part without infections, or wounds or whatever. That oughta be nice. Get them ready for predictable procedures and then, watch them for 6 hours before they move on. But what if they are obese, with a mental disorder, and addicted to drugs of some sort.................Well, to quote Van Halen from "Runnin' With the Devil:, "I found the simple life, ain't so simple".

Blind Date

Two brutal work days
Staying too late,
Of questionable value
Like a cheap blind date,
Where you didn't choose your partner
And the venue was fixed,
What more?, a blinding headache
From what the Bartender mixed.

Whacky, drug-addled clients
On the roster, every day,
Demanding their hourly fix
Like I'm their dealer, but they don't pay,
Except with threats and anger
Towards me, their slave and nurse,
Please, don't tell me that I'm jaded
That I have no right to curse.

I'll give my best damned effort
That's what I'm paid to do,
But if you menace and assault me
It's coming back on you,
You tell me not to touch you
Ok fine, I'll just let you bleed,
Fall on the floor, crack your head
I guess there's nothing that you need.

Because, you threatened violence
Threw your arms up, swung your fist,
You're 340 frickin' pounds
A raging addict, and I'm lucky you missed,
You say you gotta stand up and pee?
Go for it Dude, maybe I'll see you fall,
And if you start bleeding, so what?
You told me not to touch you, that's all.

Two stupid days
Boss-woman, will query why I worked late,
Screw it, you can have my assignment
You've earned this sicko blind-date.


Thursday, May 15, 2014

Still Busted

At work in our new domicile
Everyone agrees, things have changed,
For the owners and the public
It's beautiful how it's arranged,
But to us, boots on the floor
We're thankful, but there's a price,
Like Frankenstein's wedding
Throwing worms instead of rice.

The place is kind of big
Compared to where we used to be,
Every Recovery Unit I've ever seen
Was a single room, where everyone could see,
Now we're a large square unit
Four corridors, each thirty feet long,
If I yell for you at one end
You'll just think I am singing a song.

Twenty-one separate cubbyholes
Privacy guaranteed, in a sort of way,
We keep the sliding doors swung to the side
There's a curtain to keep prying eyes at bay,
When the door is fitted in it's groove
It won't accomodate even a gurney,
You might feel trapped and caged
And inclined to call your Attorney.

The rooms were not designed for a bed
Why not?; it takes up too much space,
To allow a visitor to hang out in the chair
Just barely leaves room for a vase,
Near the fixed-counter sink cupboard area
Hardly room for the thinnest of Nurses,
Adjust a monitor, assess Mr. Patient?
While I'm mumbling kind-hearted curses.

Oh, so gorgeous and shiny on the surface
Where underneath, the machine is still busted,
Only time will tell, while management feels swell
But quite frankly, it just can't be trusted,
While the corporate heads of great branding
Tout our beautiful building with pride,
Architecturally, oh yes, it is pretty
But ergonomics, were kicked off the ride.


Monday, May 05, 2014

Dental Dana 25

Dental Dana
I kinda miss her,
Last week, I saw Billy Bob
Trying to kiss her,
My blood, it boiled
Steam blasted from my brain,
I plotted ways to maim him
But would it really ease my pain?

Oh, I'm a sorry sort
And I'm singing my blues,
Billy Bob is a rival
I wonder, who she will choose,
Will she gather her tools
And disengage from that buffoon,
How my teeth are aching
Just thinking about that goon.

Dental Dana
Must know I have a wife,
Probably why she snickers
When she's poised with her knife,
2 millimeters away
From Buccal Nerve seven,
One false move, I'm in Hell
While I'm dreaming about Heaven.

Dental Dana
She declared,
Leave me alone, boys
You ought to be scared,
Because you know my skills
And the tools in my collection,
No more hanky-panky
Or expect blunt dissection.


Thursday, May 01, 2014

Like a Dog

Momma said, "If you don't like the heat, stay out of the frying pan"..

Like a Dog

Another crazy busy day
But here is what I thought,
I’m a critical-care nurse
And this is what I bought,
I learned to prioritize
And sort the greatest need,
Should I get Billy Bob a sandwich?
Or assess Mary Lou’s bleed.

The writing on the wall
Puts the pedal to the metal,
I just gotta deal with it
And wait for the dust to settle,
And I won’t complain
That I missed a 15-minute break,
Mary Lou has issues
Her life is at stake.

I ride a bicycle to work
My body is healthy,
I’m willing to work hard
(Not being wealthy),
And Mary Lou is why
I have chosen this profession,
I’m working for her
It’s a simple confession.

Her needs are greater than mine
Her safety is paramount,
How many breaks I’ve missed?
I don’t bother to count,
And even if I waited
Eight hours for a meal,
I’m not so important
That’s just how I feel.

I carry snack bars in my pockets
And need just one cup of coffee,
It’s extra special fine
If there’s some chocolate or toffee,
Because my needs are simple
And patient needs are greater,
If I miss a 15-minute break
I won’t collapse in a Lunar crater.

Some Nurses won’t like it
When I am around,
I’ll take a heavy load
Like yer good old bloodhound,
Maybe I am like a dog
That nevers knows when to sit,
Chasing a favorite ball
He won’t pause or quit.

Yup, just another busy day
There will be more, exactly the same,
Do you have what it takes
To be a contender in this game?
If you’re wimpy or whiny
You don’t like busy or hard,
Hold a sign at the Freeway
Or chase snails in your yard.