Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Stepped in a Puddle

Patient's acting badly; yelling, screaming, cursing, hitting, biting, scratching, downright dangerous. And then, thirty minutes later apologizing, as if their scientific medical diagnosis is to blame. Give me a break; that's just a very lame excuse to accommodate bad behavior.

Stepped in a Puddle

Just ain't what it used to be,
You scream, bite, scratch and snarl
I can charge you with assault and battery,
Then, later on, you come around
And apologize for your bad behavior,
Telling me, "It's because I have Alzheimer's
I'm a sinner, I'm nobody's savior".

Twice in the past month
Patient's acting like nasty creatures,
Post-operative ugly, rabid attitudes
All kinds of undesirable features,
Then later on, sweet as a peach
Apologizing, pandering for my attention,
Declaring, "I've got mental illness"
As if they deserve some honorable mention.

It's all too touchy-feely for me
I'm supposed to say (per the Huddle)
"Thank you, for letting me be your Nurse",
Sure, I smile and wave, even though
You were a mofo-monstrous, Godzilla curse,
While your outside-caregiver shrugs shoulders
Sitting there at the side of the gurney,
If I could satisfy my secret thoughts
By god, I would need a cidal-attorney.

They don't talk about that in our Huddles
It's just as well, how I hate that whole construct,
Although I love the words that might rhyme
With chucked, plucked and bile duct,
Which coincidentally, reminds me of last night
Where I was subjected to your spitting and cursing,
Huddle me, fuddle, I stepped in a puddle
This is the bane of good Nursing.


Saturday, November 17, 2012

One Forty-One

One day recently, at about the 8th hour of work and just before my dinner break, I had an episode of Atrial Fibrillation. Newsflash: this doesn't go well with work No, I pretty much had to sit down, and wait for it to go away...........which it did about an hour later.

One Forty-One

Atrial Fib at work
It isn't much fun,
Doubling my heart rate
To one forty-one,
I took a Toprol
Drank some fluids, took a seat,
But as soon as I got up
The same irregular beat.

It's not conducive to working
When it's banging away,
Blood pressure shoots up
I need a break and delay,
Hoping the medication
Will kick in and perform,
Then maybe, after dinner
I'll return to the norm.

What was the trigger?
I'm not really sure,
A long busy day
It went by in a blur,
Some aggravating encounters
Contributed, I suspect,
Of these modifiable risks
I must shield and protect.

We educate our clients
"Take your pills, exactly how",
Because ninety percent of them
Don't know Pepcid from puppy-chow,
Whereas, I adjust my meds
To keep my pulse regulated,
The value of that
Can not be over-stated.


Friday, November 09, 2012

Sick Cat

Virus vs. Bacterial

At home, everyone has the usual first-of-the-season viral cough and sneeze. Several of those guilty, are not so careful with their hand washing and what not, despite my observance and counsel. What can ya do?

Me, I managed to capture my own, nasty bacterial bug, (probably at work), and lodge it in my lungs. Subsequently,  it fermented and percolated for 3 days, and then KaPow!!! it slammed me down with a vengeance. Three days of fever, short of breath, wheezing and malaise. I've had to endure the nastiest antibiotic ever, Doxycycline (very tough on the GI tract). Oh well, it actually works, so I can only whimper.

All in all, I was one sick cat.

Sick Cat

Oh, woe is me
How ill, I was,
I hang with sick people
Just because,
I chose healthcare
In the unemployment line,
Now thirty years later
I'm spitting up brine.

A case in point,
Stories begin
At a universal joint,
A bend in the road
Allowing straight, to twist,
Now I'm hacking up loogies
As big as my fist.

I saw the Doctor, after that
Quite frankly, I was one sick cat,
It felt like fur balls in my throat
He said it looked, like a cashmere coat,
He asked if I was purring
I stated, I was wheezing,
Although, I didn't have
A runny nose or sneezing,

I had a 2-view X-ray
Which naturally was clear,
But luckily my doctor
Reads the literature each year,
He nailed it on the head
A need for antibiotics,
I wasn't one of those malingerers
The sinus psychotics,
They ask for "just a Z-pac
Because it always works",
Of course it does, you fools
That's a simple clean and jerk,
The remedy didn't do a thing
Placebo, that's the name,
Appease the masses with a pill
That's the pharmaceutical game.

Sick cat feels a little better
Day after day,
No more fur balls in my throat
But too tired to play.