Saturday, July 07, 2012

Yesterday, it was super-duper-storm-trooper busy. Billy Bob underwent a T.E.E (transesophageal echocardiogram), at bedside. Whether it was his body habitus, or his anxiety level, he required a hefty dose of Midazolam and Fentanyl. When the procedure was finished and the stimuli ended, he was snockered, snoring and somnolent. The daughter of Satan (his woman) came to his bedside and watched him snore. After about fifteen minutes, she thought he was ready for a drink of water, which she had obtained, and the Nurse had warned her, “wait until he is awake”. Although his eyes were closed and he was still snoring, she straightened his head, brought the cup to his lips, and poured it in. No surprise to me, Billy Bob began to sputter, cough and choke. As I was two feet away, I turned to her and stated, “Stop the water, he’s choking”. Whereupon, she launched into a tirade of, “The nurse said it was ok; no he isn’t choking” (and more). I told her that the drugs he had received, may compromise his swallow/gag reflex (Uh, isn’t it obvious?). Then even Billy Bob sputtered out a couple words, in between more gasping and coughing, that he just had a tickle in his throat.

Yes sir, sometimes I wish we could leave the visitors behind the golden rope at the doorway.

Auto Shop Rules

Don't step into the work bay
Of the Auto Shop store,
You might slip on some oil
And crash to the floor,
Busting a hip or
Some vertebrae too,
Or a four ton jack
May run over your shoe.

An auto lift raiser
Might lose its hydraulics,
If it falls on your head
You might join the alcoholics,
Suffering from pain
Like you wouldn't believe,
And quite frankly, not one of us
Will fret or even grieve.

Because we warned you, with a notice
The sign was bold, in red letters,
Though we know folks are stupid
That's why Vegas loves bettors,
And when you violate the rules
Covered in "Safety: Section C",
No attorney will represent you
And that's our guarantee.

When you're recovering in the hospital
I hope your family pays attention,
It's not the safest place
Too many dangers to mention,
And why bring the babies
To visit?; bad idea,
We have fungi and germs
Much worse than North Korea.

There are diagnostic tests
Performed in the room,
Twenty minutes, looks easy
But it's fraught with hidden doom,
If you're Billy-Bob's girlfriend
And he had Procedural Sedation,
You give him a drink?
Ahoy!; Aspiration.

If a neighboring Nurse
Reprimands you; "Stop the water",
Don't get righteous and snotty
Like you're Beelzebub's daughter,
Because you don't belong
On the Auto Shop floor,
And that Nurse might kick your butt
Right out the door.

Visitors; be cautious
Thoughtful and humble,
Catastrophe lurks
When you're a smart-ass or stumble,
Then perhaps, death be unto you
Or a relative, by your deed,
We appreciate your business
But stand back, you might bleed.


_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And along those lines, Nurse Steve relates: “We have families trying to feed stroke patients who have failed their swallow screen, all the time.  "It's just a little fried chicken.  Chuck loves chicken."  (He's on a soft diet.)  "Duh! That's why I didn't get the extra crispy.  Do you think I'm stupid?".................
[Dude, of course you’re not’re just a frickin’ idiot!]

Chuck Loves Chicken

Chuck loves chicken
Too bad, that he stroked,
He's on a soft diet now
Except yesterday when he choked,
Because Bubba, big brother
Brought Uncle's best chicken,
No sir, not extra-crispy
Although still, finger lickin'.

Chuck loves chicken
They'll probably turn that into a movie,
Just a stupid line like this
Because it sounds so groovy,
Like, "I Know What You Did Last Summer"
And, "He's Just Not That Into You",
Chuck loves chicken
And he can't even chew.

Poor old Chuck loved chicken
But Chuck, hated pills,
He had uncontrolled hypertension
And you know Bubba, that's what kills,
So many young people
Who think they're healthy
Until they sicken,
Now Chuck can't even swallow
Even though Chuck loves chicken.


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