Friday, July 20, 2012

When I brought this to the attention of my peers, many responded with doubt and humor. They just couldn’t believe that on Thursdays, someone at work, was stealing one of my precious meal.

Now I’m fighting back!

So Sneaky

Oh, the tragedy
The depth of my grief,
I've been victimized
By the yogurt thief,
Leaving me hungry
By stealing my food,
Why not just ask me?
I'm a generous dude.

I'd give you my shirt
Sweat, grunge and all,
I'd give you my wallet
Although the bills are quite small,
I'd loan you my car
After all, I ride a bike to work,
But to blatantly steal my yogurt?
Truly evidence of a jerk.

I'm an easy giving fellow
I donate what I don't use,
But I might be territorial
Like a bomb, with a short fuse,
Waiting silently, for the perp
Who keeps stealing my dinner,
I'd chuck all of my goodness
Just to nail that snack-sinner.

Oh, you think you're so sneaky
Swiping my yogurt, you do,
Next week I'm hiding a camera
In the break-room, how-do-you-do?
I'll catch you cool handed
With my yogurt in your grip,
Imagine losing your job
Over such a stupid slip.

Ha-ha, I will laugh
As you're led away in irons,
I won't shed a tear
To see you depart our environs,
Because thievery of your peers
Is an insidious crime,
I'll push for the harshest sentence
Because baby, this is prime-time.

Oh, the tragedy
The depth of my grief,
It won't be for you
My darling, yogurt thief,
You brought this upon yourself
With your deeds of deprivation,
And I'll eat dinner with my two yogurts
While you suffer cancellation.


* * * * * * * * * * * *
Public Pillory

The threatened
Public pillory,
Of yogurt thief
Named Hillary,
Has been effective
In a sense,
In of itself
A recompense.

No more nurses
I must frisk,
My sustenance
No longer at risk,
Public awareness
Tested that thief,
My yogurt is safe
Oh, what a relief.


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