An oldy-but-goody. Not sure what year I wrote it, although I think it was when I was still an RT, maybe during nursing school.
Ode To Gomer
What do you see nurses, what do you see
What are you thinking when I take a pee?
Did you notice my bladder distended and firm
And that thing in my stool, it looked just like a worm;
Did you notice my sputum was crawling and green
Can't you see I need treatments, on my Bird machine,
I'm nauseous and nasty, whoops, up came my brunch
Please save it for me, I'll have it for lunch;
That IV solution is really poison, you know
And you're trying to kill me, but I won't let go,
So, I'm calling my Lawyer, to represent me
I'll have you all jailed, and I'll be set free;
Oh, my God, my heart's pounding, like it's hitting my ribs
And I hear a great voice announce, “Look, it's V-Fib”,
Someone's battering my chest, as ribs crack one by one
Why is everyone smiling, like this is all fun?
Now, I'm just an old body, lying limp on the bed
The crowd sighs with relief, 'cause this old Gomer is dead!