Monday, November 21, 2011

Sure, it has been about 3 months since I had to confront excrement drainage, but it's still a fresh topic, although not exactly. I saw a flier in the breakroom, advertising the latest edition of that wonder-tube the Flexiseal, and once again I was inspired.

Happy Camper

Oh, Flexiseal,
It has a kind of
Sex appeal.

Just lubricate
And insert with a finger,
It’s up to you
How long you linger.

Inflate the bulb
With sterile N S,
If you warm it first
You’ll be sure to impress.

For Billy Bob’s bottom
We soothe and pamper,
With the new Flexiseal
He’s a happy camper.

__ __ __ __ __


Oh, Flexiseal,
The thought of it
Just makes me squeal.....
When I see that tube
I get nervous and antsy,
A preemptive trigger
For diarrhea, Nancy.

It just won't stay solid
My excrement,
But if liquid is bad
What about cement?,
Try coaxing that down
My Flexiseal tube,
You'll need WD-40
And Astroglide lube.

A dilemma for sure
My excrement collection,
The stuff is caustic to my skin
And I clearly need protection,
Please hang that bag, over the edge of the bed
I don't want to view that part of me,
Although I own it, I don't need to see it
In this age of transparency.

Oh, Flexiseal,
I'm willing to gamble
And make a deal,
Take away my drainage
And protect my skin,
And I promise to abstain
From original sin.


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