Friday, May 14, 2010

Sometimes I get a little too proud regarding my poetic endeavors. And then I'm shot down by my buddy Steve, and his hilarious tales of Nursing mayhem. If you don't laugh and fall to the floor with this poem, you're a stone-cold chump!

Holy Senokot!
His abdomen was large,
His pants fit tightly,
The doctor had ordered
A jug of Golyteley.
After drinking a few cups
 He loudly proclaimed,
“I can’t drink any more
And I’m not one bit ashamed.”
“This stuff tastes like seawater,
 And it’s making me sick”,
So, I got on the phone
And called really quick.
“Hello Doc, about Mr. Johnson,
He can’t drink any more,
His belly is hurting
And he’s sick to the core.”
"He says there’s no reason
 For him to stay,
If to clean him out
There’s no other way."
“Can he swallow a pill?”
 The Doc asked with a snicker,
A pill would work I thought
And be a whole lot quicker.
So he ordered Senokot
A good drug indeed,
“15 Senokot PO now”
Just how much did he need.
Yes, I gave the patient
Those fifteen little pills,
Then I got some towels
As I knew there’d be spills.

And I called the pharmacist
“Did you do the approving,
Of fifteen Senokots
To get this man moving?”
 She said, “Holy crap”
I said, “That I will second”,
She replied, “That is a lot”
I said, “That’s what I reckoned.”
And the fireworks began
It was quick and abrupt,
The diaper bulged out
As he began to erupt.
The elastic in the legs
Didn’t hold it at all,
Poop shot from the diaper
All over the wall.
Mr. Johnson ran in circles,
He became all confused,
He looked like a sprinkler
I wasn’t amused.
Poop flew from his diaper
Til it finally blew off,
The smell was ungodly
I choked and I coughed
With a very loud sputter
In a big lake of brown,
I just about screamed
When his bowels settled down.
I wiped off the toilet,
I wiped off the floor,
I wiped off my scrubs
And I wiped even more.
I sat him on the toilet
And he kept on going,
In a boat with no paddles
Somehow I kept rowing.
So I called back that doctor
Just to say thanks and such,
“Doc, about that Senokot

Steve Huff

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