Thursday, January 14, 2010

I worked in the new tower for 3 days and then I came down with some weird illness, where the right-side of my face feels like I got too much Novocaine at the Dentist office. Also, some of my taste buds quit, so food tastes really weird. Hey, maybe I could blame it on "sick-building syndrome"?

Anyway, I get a bunch of days off, and I figured I better prove that I can still pen nonsense.

Like Cancun

Any one of you with Addisons
Come on down to Auburn and Madison,
Check out our billboard
Take a look at our sign,
Glance at our fine menu and
How you will dine.

We have a shiny new tower
And a new Chef, to boot,
We welcome the gang-bangers
Who maim, stab and shoot,
We are non-prejudicial
Because everybody bleeds,
We're ready to serve
Our community's needs.

It's a fine looking billboard
Yes, it really caught my eye,
I'm thinking, that's where I want to be
When it's a good day to die,
And maybe Sister Euphemia
Will comfort my soul,
With her help I can avoid
That fire-belching hole,
Where I'm probably heading
After writing poems like this,
Poking fun at the nuns
Is like a sacrilegious kiss.

This is all about expansion
Up, sideways and down,
We're one hundred beds bigger
And in this hospital town,
It certainly is necessary
To appeal to the living,
As a non-profit joint
We depend on them giving,
Bundles of dollars
And cases of cash,
Or Sister Euphemia
Comes down with a rash.

It's a heck of a sign
On the outskirts of Carmichael,
If you're in a plane or a car
Or even on a bicycle,
It seems almost as big
As the real thing, I swear,
And if you look at it long enough
You'll crash and end up there,
As a bonafide patron
A victim, per se',
Where you had planned for a visit
And now you will stay.

New rooms and equipment
New Nurses and more,
Shiny, bold elevators
And locks on the door,
Beefed up security
And an incredible view,
You'll feel like you're in Cancun
With nothing to do.

Yes, our ambience was tested
By professional slackers,
Free drinks on the veranda
Toasted oyster on crackers,
And they gave us high-fives
Back-slapping and more,
The new McCauley tower
Got the highest darn score,
Way better than Sutter
UC Davis and Kaiser,
If you bring your business to us
You'll prove that you're wiser,
Than all the other folks
Who catered to our competition,
When they get their bills, they'll suffer
Extraordinary rendition,
Yes, buyers remorse
The equivalent or worse,
They know they should have chosen Mercy
And now they are cursed.

We have the coolest billboards
Plastered all over town,
If you give us a call
You'll get a free gown.


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