Thursday, June 28, 2018

Listening Lost

This is the story:

Three heart-caths recovered
All those arteries OK,
Well, not exactly normal
But they'll fight another day,
And I like to know their story
Because report is often slim,
Is Billy Jean a woman
Or is Lindsay a him?

Was the puncture site at the Left groin
Or was it the Right wrist?
When I'm peeking under the covers
Was there something I missed?
And was the Nurse who gave report
Actually present during the test?
How much Heparin did they get
Catheter sizes, and the rest.

Now, when it's time for teaching
I need background information,
Without it, I look stupid
Maybe provoke a confrontation,
Because knowing that they underwent
Heart surgery, just last year,
Will help me tune my message
In respect to Momma dear.

When I am giving report
To the nurse on yonder floor,
I will have mined the chart for details
To overwhelm them with my score,
Though, I'm a little lackadaisical
Giving dubious medications,
Not needed in the immediate
Throes of recovery, my explanation.

Last evening, for example
Betty Lou, was supposed to go home,
After her Radial artery sealed
With pressure and crazy foam,
But no, that didn't happen
She started bleeding at the 4th hour,
With her daughter at her side
Good lord, a bloody shower.

Dr. Terban, first suggested
Just keep her till eleven,
I told him he was crazy
(He sometimes acts, like he is seven)
No, Betty Lou should spend the night
Upstairs, with experts plenty,
You can see her in the morning
(And please pretend you're twenty).

A new nurse named Ginny
Took report from me,
I told her the bloody story
With extra points for free,
Telling her I'd fix the orders
So Betty's medications,
Would be available tonight
It's called reconciliation.

Just 5 minutes later
Ginny calls, excited!
Did I give the evening meds?
Why weren't they expedited?
Well no I didn't, Ginny
Betty Lou, was dressed for home,
I did not give those medications
(Is your brain, just crazy foam?)
Were you listening when I gave report
Just precious minutes past?,
The woman was gushing blood
And now I feel harassed,
By your idiotic questions
Regarding the N-Acetylcysteine,
Dr. Terban loves that stuff
A dubious medicine, is what I mean.

Then Ginny, quizzed my partner
Upon delivery of Betty Lou,
Did Bonzo, give the medications?
Probably not, but who knows who,
Because Bettty was destined for home
Till she changed her mind and bled,
So, why don't you mind your business
Attend to your patient in that bed!

Well, this is the greatest
Reality show!
We're recruiting all the time
Folks are retiring, don't you know?
Like me for example
Time to hit the road soon,
I can't take much more of this
It's time to shoot the moon.

No comments: