Saturday, December 19, 2015

If Nurses were compensated like Hedge Fund Managers

Not long ago there was an article / video circulating the outernet titled, "If Restaurants Were Run Like Healthcare". Also, in 2005, there was the catchy fable titled, "If Disney Ran Your Hospital". To me, it was just more management hype regarding the purported inefficiencies of the worker people, how we are dragging down profits and operating in a milieu of chaos.

But what if workers, were treated like the benevolent and caring Royalty, that they are?


If only we were in business
Like the local grocery store,
We'd earn a flat percentage
For every pill and chore,
Every spoken word of teaching
Every gesture of compassion,
There'd be seasonal variations
Like the latest winter fashions.

For special big events
There could be a bonus format,
It would beat the present system
Where we're treated like a doormat,
For example, we could compensate
Events like CPR,
If you succeed, and bring'em back
You win the big cigar.

Your patient was combative
He tried to stab the candy-striper,
She’s the daughter of the CEO
You win the keys to his Dodge Viper,
Or you work an extra night shift
Like it’s really no big deal,
Seven patients with infections
Every one with difficele,
By morning you’re exhausted
And finally feeling old,
Your boss comes in, says, “Way to go”
And hands you coins of gold.
There would be no nursing shortage
If these silly thoughts were true,
Pay us like celebrities
It’s long way overdue!

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