Saturday, December 20, 2014

Terrorist Snot

I don't like coughing, sneezing, and so on..........on the job. Patients have their own problems, and I don't need to contribute to that. Every year about this time, I get my first Respiratory infection, and endure a week of feeling rotten. This year, it was a 2 week attack by Terrorist Snot. I earned enough points to score an Albuterol inhaler and 2 days of "voice rest".

Sufferin' succotash
This ailment won't leave me,
If it goes on much longer
You might have to bereave me,
Because I think it might be
One of those new-age bacteriums,
Cooked up in a lab
By some government mysteriums.

Perhaps I was chosen
At random, to be tested,
If that is the case, then
Someone should be arrested,
Because I have been sick
More days than I can measure,
And fourteen gallons of snot
Is not something I treasure.

Five nights I have coughed
For hours at a time,
And I don't just say that
To make a good rhyme,
I used antihistamines
Antitussives, anti-pain,
Still, I've coughed till my back hurts
A frickin' hacking muscle strain.

I am starting to suspect
This is a terrorist plot,
Bugs tickling my lungs
And the buckets of snot,
I am under attack
From the inside of me,
And I'm telling you, brother
It's impossible to flee.

Was it the Axis of Evil?
It’s too hard to tell,
When I’m launching green golf balls
And I’m feeling like hell,
At this juncture, who cares?
About the source of the sickness,
If the Grim Reaper wants me
He'll be here with a quickness.

Oh, miserable me
Cough-master, I be
My outcome is shrouded in doubt,
I might need a new lung
Because my Left one just flung
Through the door,  'cuz I just coughed it out.

It flopped on the floor
And now I'm feeling quite sore
Losing a Lung isn't easy,
But one thing I'll say
Things might be going my way,
Because now I am one-half as wheezy.


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