Saturday, December 20, 2014


It does no good to act like an a**hole, when the option is gratitude and collaboration. You poke your patients with sharp, pointy things, and we are assigned the duty of making sure they don't bleed. Sometimes, spontaneous hemorrhage occurs, and there is no way to prevent it, aside from paralyzing the guy for 5 hours.

Key Point:
Doctor, why not express a "Thank you", because we just saved the life of your patient. Take your nasty, grumpy attitude home and shoot it up with Vodka or something, Ok?

Doctor, dear doctor
Please, won't you calm down,
Blaming, shaming tactics
Make you look like a clown,
You're the leader of the pack
With this issue, you're complicit,
You lanced the artery
The cause of bleeding, more explicit.

I pulled out the catheter
And held pressure long enough,
Dressed the site, gave instruction
I did all the right stuff,
I checked the site often
Yes, everything was fine,
Two hours later, a leak!
Like gushing, bloody wine.

He came pretty close
To punching his ticket,
From our point of view
A bit of a sticky wicket,
A vasovagal episode
Blood pressure down to fifty,
Cut his heart rate in half
Fun to watch?; not so nifty.

Uncommon occurrence
Can happen any minute,
Billy-Jean blows an artery
Next, you're stepping in it,
With blood everywhere
On the bed, the wall
And the floor,
I said, "Holey moley!"
Grabbed a mop, what a chore.

Three nurses responded
Stopped the hemhorrhage, saved the dude,
And what did we get?
A grumpy-assed doctor, being rude,
Because he was complicit
In this bleeding event,
He should have thanked us profusely
Then gone home, to repent.


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