Thursday, November 27, 2014

Dramatic Duress

Do you ever work with the over dramatic player of work stress? Maybe it's you or Billy-Bob over there. Whatever, the at-work-temper-tantrum type, or the one who has to leave the Unit every hour for something (and claim it's always legitimate) a tough one to work with. They make a fuss about something, and baby, they are always very dramatic in the telling.

You know about PTSD
It's in our neighborhood,
Everyone in service to others
Would like to avoid it if they could,
But it comes with the service
And leaves us in pain,
PTSD grooves
Forever furrowed in our brain.

But, I'm all over that
I have my mind on another thing,
No one is talking about it
It's a little bit like a bee sting,
Once you have lived it
You won't forget,
You'll wish you avoided it
There's guaranteed regret.

Dramatic Duress syndrome
I see it every day,
Some persons that I work with
Really know how to play,
The Dramatic duress card
When they feel over-stressed,
They come to a standstill
They need a break, a snack, a rest.

It's a cross-gender malady
With an all-ages potential,
Some people never get it
It has a vague differential,
Men and women alike
The old and the young,
Exposed to Dramatic duress?
You'll feel like you've been stung.

Bystanders are disturbed
By the wailing and moaning,
Adult temper tantrums
Deserve immediate stoning,
Yet, the perpetrators prevail
Professionals, it's their right,
Practicing Dramatic duress
All day and all night.

Is there a cure for this?
Not that I've heard,
Birds of this feather
Will just give you GERD,
Try to ignore them
And turn a deaf ear,
Collective agreement says
"I wish they'd disappear!"

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Dramatic Distress

Dramatic distress
Some people display,
When they are trying
To have things their way

Dramatic impress
Is their method and plan,
Get everyone's attention
Like an earthquake in Japan.

Dramatic finesse
Self-trained, she's a master,
Oh, what would I give for
My Stokes-Adams blaster,
Holstered on my hip
For situations such as this,
A dramatic departure

With flame and a hiss.

Saturday, November 22, 2014


There were many times working in the ICU, when I thought, whew! that was a heckuva night, how did we possibly make it through? But here in good old Caleefornia, our staffing ratio's only allow us a maximum of two patients per nurse (ICU). Sure, there were countless nights where I never had a break, and two crashing Septic patients can seem a daunting task to face, but still...........only two patient's. Oh, I know, they could both transfer out and you get two more, and that isn't fun.

Now, in our Out-Patient Pre &  Post Procedure Unit,  after 5:30pm, when 5 day shift nurses split, our "Closer Crew" of two or three nurses might have 9 Recoveries, and more on the way. So, when an Atrial Fib Ablation, General Anesthesia shows up, and the dude had an 11 & 14 French holes in his Right Femoral vein, a 9, 11 & 14 in the Left Fem vein, an arterial line somewhere, and he is squirming, moaning, thrashing, vomiting.........that's what we call a 1:1. The Doc killed the arrhythmia, now it's my turn to save the patient (from themself).

So, that means my counterpart nurses, have to watch over my 3,4-5 other patient's plus their own....and some of those folks might bleed at any given moment (usually a Femoral artery).
Good old Head Nurse, also split at 5:30, telling me that there is absolutely no way, that any of the Day shift nurses could stay over and accrue overtime, because our "billing hours" are barely enough for the day. Thus, the Day Shift nurse who was not yet done with her Surgical Pre-op Workup of us would have to assume that little task. Oh ya, and the guy that came in 8 hours ago to have an Echocardiogram and was found to have a Hemaglobin of 6.........we can have him also, for the 2nd round of blood transfusion. That leaves two nurses watching 6 patients, but one of them is the ICU player, who just arrived (emergently) from another hospital. He is in a 2nd degree heart block, with a Heart Rate of 40, whilst being on a Dopamine drip. Since I am the "ICU" nurse of the Unit, this guy is supposed to be a 1:1, because our Unit is a simple Out-Patient Recovery room.

Night after night, we feel like Gepetto and Pinochio, having just been swallowed by that whale.
So, for some reason, after I got home and had a glass of wine at midnight, I started to think of missiles, and what they are best used for.


Another usual week
We all were abused,
By the usual players
They stand accused,
Promoting unsafe conditions
Every day, post--5:30,
When the pedal hits the metal
We roll our sleeves up
And get dirty.

Mutiny mumbles
Beneath our daily dialogue,
How much longer can we take this
Perpetual flog,
Pushed to the curb
And thrown under the bus,
That's what it feels like
In the evening, to us.

It is stressful I'm telling you
I really don't enjoy it,
If I had a SCUD missile
I most certainly might deploy it,
Aimed at the perpetrators
Those who claim to be in charge,
Point that sucker, light the fuse
Everything improves, by and large.

These are just nightmares of a dreamer
He remembers better times,
Although, adversarial encounters
Create wonderful rhymes.


Thursday, November 20, 2014

Writing 4 Ever

Did I miss something somewhere?

Sometimes, it seems like I've written
Everything, I possibly can,
All of the medical situations
Included in the plan,
I don't possess all there is to know
But within the specialty I am employed?
I've covered most of the medical conditions
And the rest, are for Sigmund Freud.


Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Dental Dana 36

"Inspired by the true-life story"....any movie labeled as such, I absolutely refuse to watch. I work in a hospital, and as such, I know all about true-life; it's a mess. So, why call a movie that ahead of time?........more than likely the thing will be a sloppy mess.

Anyway, this was inspired by the over-perfuming of detergents used for the cleansing of your clothes. Folks, you need to buy non-perfumed clothing soaps, because you're all off-gassing excessively to those persons who are odor-sensitive. Sometimes a group of family members show up to see Auntie Mame, and I can barely enter the room or cubicle, because your clothing perfume is nearly toxic to me. You think you're an ethnic minority?, but I'm the minority guy who is being assaulted.........just the same as if you were pointing a loaded weapon at me.

So, that got me thinking about Dental Dana and her dangerous, musky body about a weapon!

Dental Dana
Has a special odor,
And when she's near me
I get to, racing my motor,
Like being exposed to
A nitro-octane booster,
She's the finest of hens
And I am a rooster.

Mixing up metaphors?
I do admit,
But sweet Dental Dana
Is hotter than spit,
Which I have a mouthful of
Requiring high-powered suction,
She has warned me about that
And threatened destruction.

Dental Dana
Is a flower in the rough,
Adversity, she surmounts
It makes her so tough,
But her clients adore her
She's a hard-boiled dame,
Dental Dana, mouth-master
Is at the top of her game.


Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Dental Dana 34

At the Dentist's office there is a Hygienist named Dana. She cleaned my teeth 2 years ago, but I haven't seen her in a long time, due to scheduling conflicts. But that doesn't stop me from writing about the fictitious DD, who is a bombshell, knockout hotty. I just can't stop thinking about that dame.

Dental Dana 35

Dental Dana
She knows a thing about jaws,
How to ratchet them open
To reveal all the flaws,
In your careful narrative
Regarding how you brush and floss,
Nothing, escapes her purview
She let's you know who's the Boss.

Dental Dana instructs
We commoners, should listen,
Be patient, she'll do her best
To make your enamel glisten,
She knows the best way to tell you
What you already should know,
Had you been paying attention
Instead of eating that jelly roll.

Dental Dana, I must admit
Looks so hot, I get distracted,
When I do that she raps my incisor
And says,"Whoops, I think it's impacted",
Thereby threatening to remove it
With a pair of rusty tweezers,
DD, I get the point!
Knowing, I better please her.

Dental Dana
Won't put up with too much,
Apparently, I didn't listen
I just wanted a touch,
Now I'm missing a tooth
Well she warned me, I guess,
It hurt for an hour
But now it's a caress;
Nothing she says
Will ever scare me away,
Dental Dana is so fine
And yes, I'm willing to pay.


Dental Dana 34

Dental Dana
I apologize,
The other Hygienists
Have gotten wise,
Regarding my silly
Behaviors, and such,
Now they are all jealous
That I like you so much.

I really can't help it
'Cause I'm in a trance,
Your coquettish demeanor
And pink Go-go pants,
Are more powerful than Novacaine
Dilaudid and Ver-sed,
Without our Dental dalliance?
I'd rather be dead.

Harsh reality, it is
I'm smitten beyond reason,
You can scrape or Taze my plaque
Any month, in any season,
Vacuum my tonsils
And floss with barbed wire,
Whatever you do, DD
I am filled with desire.

But, do watch your back
(As I watch your front),
Those other chicks in the office
Might be planning some stunt,
To vie for my attention
Because I only want you,
Jealousy, being what it is
They might think their time is due.

But I swear, I won't waver
Because you have no compare,
Dear Dana, your presence
Is like Nitrous infused air,
Making me tingle and numb
In a pleasant kind of way,
Can I have another appointment
Later in the day?


Dental Dana 33

Dental Dana
(I've decided to propose),
Although I'm worried
She'll punch me on the nose,
After all of the trouble
I've caused her at work,
She knows I do love her
And still, she calls me a jerk.

Dental Dana
I admire her courage,
Despite my frisky advances
She has been one to discourage,
Yet, every time she blocks me
I'm more determined than ever,
She's a treasure to me
And worth any endeavor.

Dental Dana said "No!"
When I advanced my proposal,
She chased me out of the office
While threatening disposal,
She said something like, "Never,
Don't ever say that again",
I think she really meant, Yes
But I'm left wondering, when?.

Oh, I can abide
By the rules she has written,
Because, “Dental Dana, Darling
I am hopelessly smitten”,
And gladly will submit to
Dental torture for a fee,
'Cause I'll never stop thinking
That she's the girl for me,