Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Yearly Review

We are employees, we are evaluated. In our business it happens yearly, around our date of hire. We participate in "Skills Day", get our annual "TB Test" and go on our merry way.  But, there is always something our "bosses" will focus on..............its their duty.

Yearly Review

An exhaustive review
At my annual Eval,
When my boss examines closely
My employment, pal,
They've been keeping tabs on me
Stored carefully in my file,
The balance beam of Authority
At odds, with my peculiar style.

I won't do phone calls
Stupid Satisfaction Survey,
I don't like Surgical pre-ops
Not within my purvey,
But I do play Flex-Nurse
And temporary Charge,
That's what I'm banking on
My presence, at large.

I keep tabs on the workload
I will know all of the client's,
Histories and procedures
And every known appliance,
I'll know where they came from
And exactly how they'll bleed,
Should a crisis arise
I'm the one that you'll need.

You want to fit me
Into the mold of your dream,
Adjust your preconceptions
Before you let off some steam,
Because my dutiful rescues
Will save you, unexpected,
Just when you thought, "all is lost"
When I'm there, you're protected.

I won't bitch about breaks
I don't really care,
I need a snack on the 4 hours
Patients are needy, I am there,
That's why I work
My 12 hours and more,
It is not about me
This is a client driven store.

Sure, I need to stop
And have a bite to eat,
Everyone needs that kind of thing
But, that's not my beat,
I won't fill out forms
That claim, I didn't rest,
There are people here who need us
And they expect the best.

When I'm on that day
There will be a sense of security,
No matter how nasty it gets
I bring a sense of purity,
That will cut through the bullshit
And get the best things done,
A few of us can offer that
We are the ones.

So, it's my annual review
Boss, I know you have to say your piece,
Currently, you can't live without me
Though, I'm not your favorite niece,
You don't need to offer me Disneyland
No, you need to say, "Dude",
Without you, we would completely
Become totally unglued.



Monday, February 17, 2014

Dark Warrior

An expert, incredible nurse in our community, died unexpectedly this past week. I had crossed paths with him on numerous occasions, and trusted his experience and critical judgements. We are at a loss, with his passing.

Those who knew him: I think all would agree he was a true warrior of Nursing.

Dark Warrior

Rumors were posed that
My writings were darkly depressed,
Secret police checking
Exactly how I was dressed,
Combing through my garbage
For clues of a mental break,
A conspiracy of words
I think someone's on the take.

Sure, I've been writing
Like a crazy man, possessed,
Doing the work that we do
Why, every day is a test,
Twelve hours of calamity
Of the good, the bad and more,
Sure enough, it is often rewarding
But other times, it’s a Lion's roar.

Don't get your hopes up folks
I'm not throwing in the towel,
Too many denizens of the deep
Are still out there, on the prowl,
We warriors of the Underside
Are necessary, to protect the needy,
And quite frankly, you gotta admit
I deliver the goods, and I'm speedy.

-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  


Friends and colleagues, who
Died earlier than expected,
I had a silly notion, that
Since I knew them, they were protected,
Not by virtue of my mojo
No, I just thought they were invincible,
But the unpredictability of fate
Appears to be the driving principle.



For the oldtimers, we remember that going for ACLS certification, was a stressful event for many practitioners. Instructors used to run demanding mock-codes, where each person played a particular role (and do it right!) and heck, we even practiced endo-tracheal tube placement. I found it challenging and enjoyable, but a lot of people were having PTSD over the whole thing.

Not so anymore; it’s like Nursery school now. No muss, no fuss, no stress………...and half of the students (from all walks of health-care), are still freaked out about basic EKG rhythm. Essentially, most participants, want to be as far away from a Code Blue, as they can.

Are we any better off having namby-pamby ACLS? Are survival rates any better in-hospital? I think we’re doing better, only because Rapid-Response teams have been put in place. If we intervene early, we save people. But if Joe-Bob has a Cardiac or Respiratory arrest, in an abrupt or sneaky fashion, his chance of leaving the hospital alive, still remains iffy.


My capnography is rising
Yawn frequency accelerated,
The Instructor’s jokes are pretty lame
And frankly, outdated,
But I really can't complain
This class is always easy,
And a bit humorous to watch
How much the newbies are queasy.

I find it hard to understand
Their trepidation, regarding EKG,
After all, this is ACLS
Cardiac knowledge, so ABC,
But over the years
They've made it simple
Nervous anxiety, a thing of the past,
Silly me, I want a Nurse who knows
How to define rhythm's really fast.


Saturday, February 15, 2014

Repair Shop

Yester-eve, we did manage to depart with 1.25 Hr overtime, but the truth is, nothing exciting or life-threatening occurred. The last patient shipped out at 2315, and then we were left with late, catch-up charting, office duties and some tidying up. It had been a very busy day, nonetheless. My partner and I were running on fumes at the end, getting goofy and finally stumbled out at 0015. Our Charge Nurse will ask us about that next week........that's a guarantee.

Nothing terribly exciting to report
It's life as usual
Down at the Suck and Snort,
The regulars remain
And entertain themselves,
Some have stayed so long
They belong on the shelves.

Imagine working
At only one job,
Frankly, I can't
I would feel like a blob,
Of secure confined knowledge
Sheltered in place,
Afraid to step outside of
My comfortable base.

We're a mixed up bunch
From all manner of beginnings,
Some days we're losing
And others we're winning,
In an unpredictable business
This repair shop for humanity,
Surely, you can understand why;
We're on the brink of insanity.

The owner is a typical
Miserly cheapskate,
Paying his workers
The lowest damn rate,
Cutting corners on service
Supplies and whatever,
All the while advertising
We are the best and most clever.

Yes, it was a standard good day
And now I'm kicking off my shoe,
The bartender has delivered
It's time to quaff a good brew.



Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Clamor in the Slammer

Arguments, disagreements, reprimands…………..should take place behind closed doors. And never, not ever, should these disturbances be played out in front of the customer / client / patient. It makes the so called “professional”, look like an out of control idiot. Because they are!

Clamor in the Slammer

A lot can be said
More can be thought,
How much is worth repeating?
Wasted words are nought.

Excessive arguing
The same point over and over,
Makes me want to run and jump
In sweet smelling clover,
Pull it up over my shoulders
Protection from discordant clamor,
Folks like that?
I'd like to throw them in the slammer.

And for Godz sake
Do it in the garage, not at work,
If I had a fire hose
I might go berserk,
Like those police tactic
Crowd control measures,
Silence is golden
The greatest of treasures.

A lot can be said
But usually, it's way too much,
And as a Management tool
Those folks are out of touch.


Tuesday, February 04, 2014

Memory Dump

Another sad tale of too much to do..............

Memory Crash

A strange thing happened
Late Friday night,
My brain shut down
Overloaded, to such a height,
Too many darn patients
Taken care of, too fast,
After 13 long hours
I had a memory blast.

Fifteen after midnight
My memory was good,
At twenty after midnight
It was an old piece of wood,
I couldn't remember
Any passwords, they failed me,
I couldn't chart the last four hours
Heck, someone shoulda jailed me,
But there was no dereliction
My physical labors were complete,
Just my memories were dumped
As if my brain were concrete.

No point in staying
We punched out, at One,
After fourteen long hours
We couldn't find any fun,
Despite earning double-time
It wasn't worth it, I declare,
And thank the Devil, it was Friday
'Cause tomorrow, we're not there.