Thursday, August 29, 2013


It was bound to happen; one of Satan's minor devils needed a Cardiac Cath. It has been some time since I last wrestled with a demon, and although I survived, I was injured. Any nurse that works in patient care, will at some time or other, have to look a devil in the eye......touch their lucky talisman, and pray they live to see the next sunrise.


Evil demon
One might comment, “Of course”,
Slugging away at us caregivers
Without any remorse,
There is no excuse
For behavior such as this,
I didn't go to work today
Expecting a demon's kiss.

Malevolent devil
Imagine being betrothed to that one,
Said he has been married for 14 years
I suppose at one time he must have been fun,
Now he is Beelzebub's brother
Tormenting his compassionate wife,
And as he threatens and fights us
She cries out, as if stabbed with a knife.

Two of us were injured
And now I'm in pain,
I'll have a few weeks of light-duty
Physical Therapy, so I can face it again,
The chance opportunity
To meet up
With one of Satan's dominion,
But I'll just smile and wave, boys
And later post my opinion.




Reported my injury
And the Manager's Coordinator,
Said, you should have called for help
But we had to move him now, and not later,
Mr. Demon couldn't wait
For any handy lift device,
Gasping, cussing and fighting
And we paid the price.

What kind of leadership person
Points a finger, as if to blame,
Not showing concern for the injured
What kind of dysfunctional game,
Causes a person to harp on and on
About why I had 30 minutes of overtime,
Two days ago on the day I was injured....
Her management skills aren't worth a dime.

I love my job
But this Assistant Manager is an ass,
The worst I have ever encountered
Thirty years, since Nursing class,
And this will never be resolved
As long as she remains on the job,
It's laughable, that she believes
She is a worthy leader for our mob.

In hindsight, she said
You could have used the right tools,
Me, I thought the guy was going to code
Then they would have called us fools,
For calling a Transporter to find equipment
While the devil's heartbeat raced beyond 150,
It's not like the equipment we need is on hand
Oh, to work in such a dream hospital, sure would be nifty.

I think the right tools would include
Captains, who care about their team,
I have a wonderful job
And a sergeant, that makes me scream.


Friday, August 16, 2013


Recently we were shown a new pain assessment tool. It fills an entire computer screen with about 42 different numbers, adjectives, identifiers, what makes it better or worse, how often,....amazing, since I began using it, all of my patients have no pain. It is indeed, a miraculous tool. And of course, a new document means something new to be audited about.


An overemphasis on pain
By calling it a vital sign,
It's a normal response
And quite often benign,
But as a Medical provider
It's the first thing we ask,
There will be an audit reprimand
If we don't perform the task.

My wife thinks it's too stupid
When she has a medical visit,
They ask, “Do you have any pain
The number, what is it?”
Because for her, pain is not the reason
For the appointment with her Physician,
She thinks that's a perfect example
Of their stupidity condition.

Is it any wonder
Addiction is out of control?
Medical care, created this problem
Asking if you have pain
As if it's the whole,
Summation of your existence
From the moment birth arrived,
By putting that first, we foster an industry
A painful diagnosis, neatly contrived.

So, we under-treated pain
In the young and the old,
The sick and infirm
The hot and the cold,
Until we offered Oxycontin
And created a nation of thieves,
Where we now ask about your pain
But which one of us believes,
When you say it is a “10”
Watching TV with your brother Hank,
A ten, is like having a baby
Or being run over by a tank.

We are supposed to record what number you choose
And apply future treatment, on this arbitrary measure,
You can be as stupid as a fence post and figure this out
It's pretty damn easy to read the map to this treasure,
The golden prescription, to your favorite drugs
We made it so easy and fostered your addiction,
And now upper-management, wants to audit my assessment
Did I document exactly, triggers, therapy and restriction.

If we were to follow this pattern of describing in excess
With every medical discipline invited to play,
There would be no time to perform our procedures
Physical assessments would rule our entire day,
So, who is the driver of this fancy new boat
The Captain, who audits my charting,
I didn't describe pain with the 42 adjectives
And now they threaten me with early departing.