Thursday, July 11, 2013


Hospital equipment purchasing........who decides what to buy? Who vetted the products? How were they tested, before being bought and placed into use? Shrug; I don't have any idea. I doubt if there is a single department for that, but I think, that at least there ought to be some qualified Mechanical Engineers on staff, to carefully scrutinize machines.

Take our new Auto-flushing toilets with their light-sensor switch. I don't know if it is infrared or just a motion activator, but newsflash, they aren't very reliable. In my careful observations, I'm betting on 50% success. Sometimes they flush, during the deposit, but not afterwards. Or, no flush at all. There is no fall-back handle, just a black, rubbery thing, that looks like a button. But, it isn't labelled, so one has to use a little intuition, to figure it out. I'm thinking of asking the public folks (when I do a "Discharge Phone Call) not only if the Nurses were sweet and friendly, did you get all the education you needed, and, by the way, when you used the bathroom in the hallway, was the toilet bowl flushed and clean when you got there. Odds are, they were too embarrassed to mention, that our public bathrooms often look like a post-apocalypse bathroom in Kathmandu. Quite frankly, that's what I would remember, when I got home. (of course, I'd remember the sexy Nurses too, after all I'm sorta normal).

And the term, "Discharge Phone Call", takes on a whole new meaning!


The automatic
Flushing toilet,
You don't even
Have to oil it,
Greased before
It was put together,
It operates
In any weather.

Sit right down
Or lift the lid,
Do your business
Like they did,
The Engineers
Who took a fling,
Designing this auto-
Flushing thing.

Does it work
After every expulsion?
Or do future users
Face revulsion,
When they discover
Prior remains,
After Billy-Bob
Crapped out his brains.

That's the dilemma
When adopting new tech,
If you believe the hype
From the Salesman, oh, heck,
He was a nice young fellow
Honest and sincere,
With the always-flushing toilet
The hottest thing this year.

These devices never work
As advertised,
Seven times a day
Someone is surprised,
With left-over remnants
From the last user,
Another irate customer
Acting as accuser,
Looking for the perp
Who left his smelly poop,
While the purchaser is to blame
But they're out of the loop.

We nearby nurses
Can't ignore,
So we call Housekeeping
That's their chore,
To clean up toxic
Spills and such,
Though I am betting
They don't like it much.

I suspect
The Hospital Buyer,
Wasn't a thousand
To check if this device
Would really function,
And now we have crap
That needs extreme unction.

Luckily, Sister Euphemia
Hasn't lost her skills,
She knows everything
About flushing pills,
And wadded napkins
Always sanitary,
Though sometimes what's left
In the bowl is really scary.

She says a prayer
And calls, “Oh, Father,
Could you come to
4-East, if it's not a bother,
Because we need an Exorcist
To straighten out this mess”,
Sister Euphemia snickers
Knowing she might have to confess,
That she's overwhelmed
With this toilet disaster,
And she's merely dumping it
On the local Headmaster.

Didn't these new toilet flushers
Arrive with the latest C-E-O?
Is there some correlation
Underneath it all, that might show,
Where this organization is heading
Down the tubes, and such,
There's no way to say for sure
But we don't like it too much.


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