Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Halt the Queries

Admission Data-Base

I bet that a lot of nurses just hate having to fill in / data entry / interrogation forms, whatever your hospital calls it, ours being the Admission History. Tedious, tasking, and terrifically boring questions...............oh wait, I think it's a Demographic Survey, now days..........My advice...........just get creative as all get out!

Halt the Queries

Our clients typically visit
For a twelve hour time,
Yet, we interrogate their lives
Like they committed a crime;
How many times do you pee
Do you dribble or leak,
Did you have a "BM" today, sir
Or was it, way back, last week;
Who really needs to know this
Yes, what is the rationale?
That I have to question what is leaving
Every bodily canal?

Many cultures, are offended
When we pose these inquisitions,
An embarrassing interview
Regarding sensitive positions,
So, I make the answers up
And document what I wish,
Does it matter if his BM
Was today, or yesterish?

And then, we have to document
Medicines taken, time and date,
I ask them, what the day was
And I choose the hour eight,
Whether morning or night
Once a day, or more,
This saves me a bunch of time
In this grossly, boring chore.

And half of the time, these folks
Don't have a clue about their meds,
The stress of needing an angiogram
Is screwing up their heads,
And yet, Bob and Betty nurse
Will perseverate and persist,
Confusing this octogenarian
Until, he slugs them with his fist.

Did you have the death of a loved one
Are you suicidal today?
How would that adjust my care?
Are you packing, I might say,
We don't want an angry wing-nut
Shooting up an operation,
Although that clearly does suggest
That we deliver good sedation.

What's the point of all these questions
I don't know, so I modify,
Your bowel status hardly matters
If you're about to die,
And I shouldn't waste your precious time
Delaying care and intervention,
There are times to halt the queries
And really pay attention.


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