Wednesday, August 15, 2012

The latest hot topic revolves around CAUTI: Catheter Associated Urinary Tract Infections.

Over here at Sister Euphemia's joint, we have an exciting program identified as: "Don't Put It In - Take It Out". Naturally, you can understand why my imagination went wild, when I saw the flier for that. After all, was this a directive from Planned Parenthood, or some whacky motto associated with one of those Bushy abstinence programs? Who knows, but probably not. Perhaps it's just about the catheter.

Don't Put It In

Don't put it in
Take it out,
It's a Dignity motto
Give a shout!

Don't drain that bladder
Let it drizzle,
Urine on the skin
Soon will sizzle.

Tell me how to fix that
Won't you, please,
Take it out, they'll leak
Each time they sneeze.

Don't put it in
My momma said,
Especially when
You're dating Uncle Fred.

They tell us not to use it
Never more,
Though I agree
It's always such a chore,
But if we do not place it
That's the crux,
The only good solution?
Pee on chux.

Oh sure, there's always
Rounding on the hour,
We're just sitting at the desk
And grinding flour,
Because the EMR
Has finally ended charting,
We can deal with
All the bladders and the farting.

Take it out, oh, take it out
My momma yells,
You left it in too long
And now it smells,
A bio-film has coated
All the tube,
And now the urine looks like broth
From bouillon cube.


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